I’ve struggled with over drinking ever since college. I never knew my limits and 10 years later I still don’t. I feel possessed when I drink and blackout completely to the point where I miss hours of time. Not knowing what I have said or done. I hate myself for this. I know I have to stop drinking. I know I can do it but now I have to deal with the shame and embarrassment of my decisions. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I feel so alone.
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Start with going to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I was a blackout drinker as well. It took a long time for me to admit that I am an alcoholic. Get to meetings.
Read the big book.
Get a sponsor and work the steps. Life will get better, promise.
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You’re not alone. Get to a meeting and use this app daily. The shame and embarrassment will go away little by little everyday you don’t drink.
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Hi Tara, I resonate with your story as it's indistinguishable to mine. The shame and embarrassment will go away once you acknowledge that there is a problem. Anyone who you judges you for wanting change aren't the ones who support you. I suggest finding true support, people who know you're struggling with this issue- I found it to be a lot more comforting knowing they have experienced seeing you altered firsthand to truly understand. In turn, no judgements should be made and the shame and embarrassment subsides. You are not alone; Loneliness naturally tends to follow once you begin, but hang in there and try to learn to self love and self validate. Only you can hold yourself accountable and create this new life that Awaits you. 
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Hey I private messaged you!
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It happens every day throughout many years. Take responsibility of your actions. Say I'm sorry and move on. Sometimes we lose people in life over our actions but it's all about us doing right and good to ourselves to be able to produce good nature afterwards
Almost all of us have felt the same, that’s why the meetings help so much. I don’t care what type of meeting, if you work steps or have a sponsor. Just going and being around others who are just like you makes all the difference. You can do it if you want to.
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I used to drive 45 min each way (my closest option) and it was worth it. Now thankfully I have 2 a week 5 minutes from my home. Even being sober 3 years I still need to hangout with those folks, they keep me sober.
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