When I was able to accept with no reservations that I was abnormal and I wasn’t honest with anyone including myself.
My son asked me one day when I was able to finally see them on a more normal basis. My son out of the blue asked me “hey dad how bad did it hurt for you to finally change? What did it cost?”
And like I told him and I’m telling you.
I never knew what pain was until I wanted to get sober. It was agonizing knowing how bad it tore me down to my core. Seeing the wreckage and blameless souls in my path.
It was even tougher having a chill down my spine. One of the first human feelings I had since I was a kid. And I told him that it cost me everything and I lost myself which was only collateral damage.
Some of us take our demons to our graves and I was there. But by the grace of God I was given a voice to seek those in need. By the fellowship I was given a story that should be heard.
And I’m my addiction I was trying to speak when I had no voice. Imagine trying to make a symphony without music?
My silence was not quiet. It was the pitch of my darkness that was loud.