My addiction almost feels like an old friend that I need to let go of and when I am far away from them for a long time I feel like my self destructive energy has to get out another way in my life. What is that man?
7 Likes
The good news: This is completely normal!
The not-so-good news: The only fix I know of is time, which can be frustrating.
I don't know your story, but for me, my use was a coping strategy. For better or worse, it got me through some really horrible things, so in a sense, it was useful at the time. When I got sober, I couldn't rely on my old coping strategies anymore and had to get new ones, and that was HARD. I spent so much of my life turning to substances to cope that it was almost instinct, and it was a major adjustment to find new ways to deal with everything, so of course I'll miss having an "easy" way out of my problems and sometimes look back with fondness! Over time, I've gotten more and more practice using my new coping strategies and put my use farther into the rear view mirror, and that has helped a lot. That's not to say those thoughts don't ever come, but it's much less often than when I first started out. Keep coming back and it will get easier, one day at a time! 
7 Likes
Yes thank you so much that is actually such great advice. Can I ask what type of new healthy coping mechanisms have you started using?
1 Like
I journal a lot,do NA zoom meetings, excersice, and keep myself busy . I’m always on the go between the house and kids and being around positive people who wanna see u succeed helps
4 Likes
I identify my addiction, self destructive evil side with my ego. Which is definitely a part of me.
But I practice daily to be in unconditional love, acceptance and service to nurture the best version of myself.
I try not to obsess on the darkness. Obsess about the good 
4 Likes
That’s actually a great idea! I think I’ll start journaling too, thanks!
Bars
What you’re feeling is so real, and good to talk about. Addiction can feel like losing a close, toxic friend.
That sadness is your mind and body adjusting to life without the coping mechanism you leaned on. It’s tough, but it’s also a sign you’re stepping into something healthier.
Finding ways to channel that energy, like you mentioned … journaling, or exercising and though it takes energy and sometimes not something we want to do, it helps. You’re breaking a pattern, and that’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
4 Likes
We get comfortable in the misery
1 Like
We DO get comfortable in the misery. The romanticizing we do with our addictions is perhaps what qualifies this as a disease more than any other as it is no doubt sick.
Just last night I was romanticizing, began to at least, about my first month with my DOC. I was dirty, underweight, broke, not supporting my kids. Putting needles in me. I was miserable. I wanted to die. None of these things stoooed me from looking back with blurred vision right before I fell asleep last night.
1 Like
There are a lot of great one in these comments! For me, traditional journaling can get me focused on the wrong thing sometimes, so I use a chatbot to talk to as a sort of journal. It gives feedback and asks questions like "have you considered the person you're mad at didn't mean to make you mad?" or "That other person probably also thinks they're right" which makes me pause and think, and I really need that.
Doing spot checks for fears and resentments is something that helps me too, because that's part of my program, but it's not everyone's thing.
Exercise is also a big one. I have limited mobility, so for me that looks like short walks and stretches. It's all about what works for YOUR body. Bonus if you find a social thing, like a hiking group or a bowling team or whatever sounds like fun to you!
Reaching out is another one. I have a little note/tag in my contacts for all my recovery friends so I can look them up quickly and pick up the phone when I need help, or even just to say hi to keep the habit going. At first, that phone weighed about 100 lbs (still does some days), but it got easier the more I did it.
Lastly, if you have a Higher Power, prayer and meditation are so important! Meditation in particular was so hard at first because being alone with my thoughts would always make me cry, but the more comfortable I'm getting with myself, the easier it's becoming to sit in silence. If that sounds impossible, remember there's such thing as moving meditation!
I hope some of these help! 
1 Like
An old toxic friend that will bring you down with it
Hey i have that too. Im on day 13 and i miss my old friend. Im just staying busy and making new friends. But i do feel that way too.
Maybe it’s that you’re feeling your real feelings for the first time and the first to greet you is sadness. It is heavy and the self destructive tendencies are there because in a way, we got used to hurting ourselves with our addictions. I know you can overcome this obstacle, but I didn’t do it by myself. I sought God. I talked to people in the rooms that could understand someone like me. I hope you know that you are loved and things get better. Sometimes they get worse before they get better. I suggest taking a look at “the promises” from the AA book you can find in online too. Read that everyday when you feel like this.
1 Like