Why is it when I treat my lady like a queen she pushes me away, treats me like a plague and says I’m smothering her even though I give her room to breathe yet when I finally reach the point of giving up and don’t want to talk to her so she won’t attack me she wants to hold on tight and not let go and acts like our toxic relationship is perfect? Is she begging me to treat her like garbage? I won’t do it. I’m either going to treat her like a queen or I’m gonna walk away. There’s no option to treat her like the burden she treats me like. It hurts too much to be treated like that and I will NOT subject someone to feeling like that even if they deserve it. I’m the empathetic type and can feel someone’s emotions and vibes. I cannot take being mistreated and unappreciated only to be praised and held right when I’m ready to walk away. What do I do? I love her but does she love me? Does she want things to work? Idk 
I’m so confused on what to do yet I know what I should do…
In short, it sounds like she might be holding onto some resentments of some sort towards you. Maybe she is being blocked from making amends with not only you but herself mostly. Maybe she doesn't trust your behavior and thinks you're doing it with selfish intent? In your situation and I am not saying that you are/or are not doing this. I would have to ask myself am I showing her this attention and affection without conditions/expectations? Or am I showing her this attention and affection with conditions/expectations placed on them? What damage have I caused and trust have I broken with my behavior? How often have I done this to her or anyone else and broke that trust? Am I resenting myself for all of this as well? For her maybe she needs some more consistency and time to see that it's real. That's just speaking from my particular past behaviors and how I relate to your situation.
I'm not sure but these are some of the questions I would be working through. Trying my best to forgive myself and not resent myself. We are our own worst enemy. I hope this helps in your journey brother.
The only expectations I have is that she not treat me like yesterday’s trash and not fight with me for doing what she asks me to do. She’s even doing it to our kids, it’s not just me.
She's definitely struggling with something. Does she also drink or use?
She’s in recovery too
She's battling with something. Not sure if you've tried this or not but If it was me I would be trying to communicate with her these exact feelings you're having with "I" statements. The last thing we want to do is offend people and put them on the defense with "you" statements. Also, we claim our feelings with using "I" statements. No one can argue with how you feel. If the conversation starts to get too heated then table it for a little while. Whatever she's struggling with she might need help navigating it. Maybe a sober friend of hers can help in this situation.
Tried that, she don’t want conversations, she wants to be heard and agreed with and if I walk away when she starts getting rude I’m the bad guy for not wanting to fight. She’s definitely struggling and I can’t let it drag me down anymore. Her friends can only do so much, until she gets honest she’s gonna keep struggling.
Sorry to say this man but it may be time to walk away. At least for a little while. No one deserves to be treated like that. If you have tried to communicate, asked for counseling, and have truly exhausted all avenues of repairing the relationship… move on. Some people refuse to change. Some live for the toxic drama. Recovery is hard enough, dealing with that just makes it harder. Good luck to you brother!
Yeah I’m considering going to a recovery house because atm it’s the only option I can think of to get away and stay sober while still having a roof over my head. It’s that or live in my car.
I'm not saying I am a therapist, but I've been around the block a couple. I have encountered the same issue a few times. It is normally a girl that has been in an abusive relationship before. Either with a past partner or parents. They got what love was warped in their head and now all they know as love is abuse. The question here is are you willing to work on he being able to learn what love really is?
I’ve been abused and so has she, but we both know the difference between love and abuse. It’s almost like she’s trying to make me leave but when I reach that point of leaving she don’t want to let me go. I’m gonna tell her we need to go back to living separately for now until we both get better at loving ourselves and have better mental stability then we can try living together again. Because when we lived apart things were great.
That may be a good idea for now. Perhaps down the road once she has healed from whatever the cause of this is you can try it again.
I'd do an "assests/liabilities" sheet. This isn't directly related to the AA program or Big Book but I've found value in it. Get a paper fold it in half, on one half put "Assets" and the other put "Liabilities" this is meant for finding out if a person/place/things are good in your life. I've used it for Jobs, housing, and relationships and more. So with whatever is troubling you, on the "Assets" side put everything that's positive or brings value to you, the "Liabilities" side put everything that robs you of value or peace of mind. Honestly is key obviously, as we're looking for guidance. We might be able to see that one column (either assets or liabilities) are filled up more than the other. A decision or/acceptance my come easier when these facts are presented like this. Follow with vigorous action! 
I like this idea but at this point I don’t need to do one for the marriage. I have to end it because she’s become a liability to my sobriety and my sanity.