Why do i sometimes find it harder than others to stay away from toxic things? Like i have destroyed myself multiple times now both mentally and physically once in my past with this struggle drug induced phycosis and I shoot myself then and was going good for years then i relapsed and now i cant stop being in my head and crying cause I cant seem to get on my feet anymore just keep failing to fully commit i guess but hard when it just me to hold myself up everyone else has been exhausted for awhile now and I cant fault them for that
Ryan, go to meetings - start building a network of sober people around you - talk to folks on this app - God is always available when you feel alone !
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Bro, I've learned that in order to be truly happy I first have to be content alone. That doesn't mean you dont need a support network. Maybe I'm reading into your post wrong. I ended it with my GF as I'm getting healthy and she's is not even though she's not ones of us. Now that I'm completely sober for the first time in my adult life and I'm 45 I'm trying to figure out who I am. I need to take that journey with my higher power which is God, I immerse my self in AA, work the steps with my sponsor and talk to him everyday, I do all kinds of service commitments. All these together make a recipe for success. I was very depressed coming in. Once I found ppl that truly understood ME, I was at home and for the first time in my life didn't feel awkward and could completely open up. My depression got better as I got sober and surrendered to God. The best is yet to come. Remember man we are your ppl. Welcoming you with open arms
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Thank you and I'm going to seriously look for a meeting or something but it hard when I have this believe I have to endure the suffering loop cause I tried the cowards way out.
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Wow I surely can relate to your struggles um that's why I need this group of people in my life today I figured I can't do this alone not only I can't survive without God in my life daily I'm so glad I got to see your recovery story because I need you even if I don't know you not only I get hope in believing in a higher power 
but I can get my strength from all of you as well I so appreciate your story I no the feeling I been there big warm aloha from Hawaii best wishes on your journey 
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Ryan, you’re definitely not alone. Many of us, especially me struggled incredibly!
Luckily I just got so beat down and stopped thinking about it and just went to early morning AA meetings daily, before my addict mind took over. Night meetings were great too, when loneliness and boredom got a hold of me. That was all I could do for awhile. Then I committed more incrementally.
I’m here if you want to talk