Why so hard

Why is it so hard to stay clean. After a whole year of going in and out of the hospital for other reasons its been so hard. In there i couldnt drink couldnt do anything but now that im out its like 100 times harder to stay clean.

Mostly we want instant relief from uncomfortable feelings. Uncomfortable feelings will fade with time. We gotta have patients though. White knuckle it. Wait it out. You will feel better eventually