I have been sober a little over two years. My wife still drinks and it seems like she is choosing to hang out with people in drinking settings over hanging out with me sober. I’m really starting to feel like this marriage is ending over this divide. We have discussed this and she denies this is what’s happening.
It’s a very lonely feeling when your wife doesn’t like you anymore over something you do to better yourself.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 
for what it’s worth, I think it shows a lot of courage to stick with your sobriety.
Thank you, my sobriety has never been a bargaining chip. But this really sucks! Sobriety was supposed to get us closer.
Your sobriety is a huge accomplishment. I hope you find peace & things work out for you!
Hey Andrew! I’m married, and my wife drinks as well. She didn’t drink the first 12 years of our relationship. I struggle with this too. I don’t mind her drinking a glass of wine or two in the evening. I don’t mind her going out for girls night out once a week either (not that she always does that). However, I do mind when she plans a weekend get together at our house that centers around drinking. I made it a point this time around to have some balance in our social life. I’ve made sober friends, and we do try and do things with them as well. No doubt I enjoy the non drinking events more, while she enjoys the drinking ones. It’s not easy. I know I just can’t go back to always being the non drinker amongst the drinkers. Have you talked to her about this? Make sure she is aware how you feel. I made the mistake of not saying anything and just sucking it up. That led to a lot of resentment, and eventually to me drinking.
Thank you for reaching out! We did talk about the fact that she chooses activities with people who are drinking over sober activities. She always plays it off as if I’m thinking too much into it. Regardless, I feel it destroying our marriage unless I become ‘ok’ with her going out drinking.
Thankfully my wife and I are on this journey together. Has she tried to do more sober friendly activities that still allow individuals to drink for those that are partaking? I lived in Chicago for a number of years before going sober and most of my friends drink
My husband drinks too and it is a real pain in the neck but I have to keep things in prospective I decided to quit not him … keep working on you and maybe she will model your behaviors…
If there an event we attend as a family (we have 2 kids) there is often a mix. She will have a few drinks. That is fine. What really bothers me is when she will get out of a date night with me to go out with her girlfriends. That never happened when I was drinking. The only change I can think of is now I am sober.
Im dealing with this issue myself. My partner is an alcoholic and my sponsor told me that I should check out an Ala-non meeting. Definitely put things into a different perspective and allowed me to understand how I used to treat others in active addiction!
Honey I’m in the same place as you. I have been sober for a little over two years and my husband drinks. He is a binge drinker so he doesn’t drink all the time but when he does it is horrendous. Just continue what you are doing right. You can’t change her. Which is a bummer. Find peace in your recovery and decline the offer to hang out in places that make you feel uncomfortable.
Thank you for the kind words and good luck with your husband. Sometimes it feels like she makes sure the hang out is in a place that makes me feel comfortable. It’s just hard sometimes to even suggest a sober option for hanging out, especially at night.
Thank you, I may check out one of those groups. That’s a great idea!
Have you suggested she go to alanon meetings?
She did for a while. She said she got sick of it.
Not that this is the route I suggest, but I had to walk away from my marriage because ultimately my ex husband couldn’t get onboard with my sobriety. He said he was supportive of my sobriety, but all of his actions and behaviors suggested otherwise. Unfortunately, sometimes people outgrow each other. He was my drinking buddy and even though he didn’t overtly sabotage my sobriety, he was my biggest enabler. Hope you are able to find the best solution for both you and your wife.
Thank you for sharing! This is essentially what I am going through. My wife is not a alcoholic, but she has no intentions to stop drinking for me or for herself. She isn’t overtly trying to sabotage me either, but she does drink in front of me and goes out drinking and tells me how much fun it was.
Was there a breaking point or ah-ha moment that you knew the marriage had to end?
Good advice Flo
Seems that way for me to
Unfortunately, I did 3 stints in rehab from 2016-2019. Each time I went home, I’d get about 4 months of sober time and eventually minimize my drinking habits and relapse. My ex is an everyday drinker and self admitted functioning alcoholic. He had no desire to stop and I really don’t think he thought I was alcoholic. My health and my mental state got so bad in 2019, I went back into rehab and that time decided not to go back to the family home. I went into sober living, instead of going home. Ultimately we decided to separate and divorce. We were just on two different paths. It was not an easy decision, but definitely the best decision.