Will I ever be happy again?

Struggling Help
#1

I am celebrating 15 months clean time tomorrow, 12/5. This program has been such an integral part of this next chapter in my life l and I am forever grateful.

I’m confident I won’t relapse - I’d be far more worried about harming myself or taking my own life - but I am overwhelmed lately with just how challenging life has become. And, i know what it comes down is having faith.

To summarize, I’ve been literally dead broke since April, going hungry often and barely paying bills. This is even with 3 part time jobs. I spend my nights laying awake, terrified of the uncertainty of the future.

My health is beginning to suffer at an accelerated pace. I currently have stage 3 cirrhosis and they’ve promised me I’m unlikely to survive more than another decade or so.

As to how to hang on to hope regardless of affordability. So you think worst case scenarios you’d be able to take it up and you have energy

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#2

I’ve been where you are. Are you working with a sponsor?

#3

Yes, although that has not been much help.

#4

Colin my brother. Im sorry. This life can be very hard. There is hope. Your feelings will come and go thankfully. I dont want to minimize how hard it is at this time right now, but because of all the things going on it’s exactly why you have to dig in even harder. It’s not fair, it should be different, but you can’t change the reality of where you are today, in one day. Drs. Also have been wrong many times. What kills someone more than anything is a loss of hope.

Hang with us and find the want to to fight. I believe you can do this. Get the feelings out, find another sponcer, work your steps, be vulnerable, and lets fight together.

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#5

Thanks for sharing :arrow_down:

Im learning that recovery is an inside job to help us navigate the outside world and all good and sometimes bad it gives us. When things get difficult, old behavior patterns reappear. Then instead of relying on AA more, our thinking tell us to focus more on solving our outside problems!! It’s counterintuitive to actually go to more meetings, more pray, more service, more application of the Steps!

Lastly if I’m not in a present state, depression and anxiety can fluster my thoughts.
If I’m living in the past I start to configure resentments that will only hurt me. If I’m in the future that means I’m trying to play god and control people, places, things, and situations.

Everyday is a new day, using or drinking will only make things worse. Lean on your HP and set your spiritual condition by asking for help in the morning and thank you at night. Hope this helps :pray:t4: one day at a time my friend.

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#6

Maybe you can use another sponsor. I’m available if you’re interested

#7

You can message me directly.

#8

Doctors don't know as much as the pretend to. Work on getting your mind as right as it can be and the body will tend to step in line. We can heal ourselves internally as effectively as any medications and surgeries. For decades I worried when I would awaken and not be able to walk. This thinking did nothing for my health mentally nor physically. You have hope built within you Colin. Harness that hope and KNOW that you are going to heal. I fully expect you will recover in miraculous ways. Truly and honestly, I do. At the end of the day, we can choose to make the next decade count or we can chose to allow the next decade to subdue us. You have battled much my friend and hard, and so shall you continue. Keep with it and know that you are not alone.

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