I’ve been sober for a year and 4 months. I’ve basically been a hermit except hanging out with family and some low key outings with friends. I’m happy! After a lot of personal turmoil, my life is finally on track and my future is bright!! I actually landed my dream job recently. One caveat: these people like to drink. Events, parties and client dinners are part of the job and I’m a Director of a department so I will play a big role in planning and attending these. In theory - it’ll be fine when I just say “I don’t drink,” but I know it’s going to be a drag saying that over and over. And I really need to be unwavering in my “disinterest” in drinking. I didn’t do AA or a group - just quit cold turkey after being diagnosed with cirrhosis. I don’t plan on telling people about my sobriety. It’s easier for me to just be a non-drinker. Any advice on keeping up the strength and continuing on? And building relationships without my liquid helper in hand? Lol. Thanks for positive ideas!
Just remember what you’ve been through makes you stronger each time you say no to a drink…
“I can not drink because of health reasons”
“ i am allergic to alcohol”
Have the bartender mix a mock tail that “looks” like a drink. It takes that pressure off and people tend not to ask questions.
It gets easier as you experience it more. Just stay strong.
I was sober and my first time drinking in over 6 months was at a work function. NOT a good idea (duh). There were multiple people who didnt drink and nobody even really said much. I think we make it into a bigger deal than it is. If you stay sober at those functions you will leave anyone who questions it in the dust no doubt about it. And you might just inspire others and that feels better than a hangover. My failure was I didnt talk to anyone about it. You're already making the right choice by asking others about it. I'm going to do the same next time.
The only thing I'm afraid of Ann is that you went about all of this on sheer willpower. We have a joke in Alcoholics Anonymous that says, what do you get when you get a horse thief sober? You get a sober horse thief.
Long-term sobriety happens when we make changes in our life. Drinking was but a symptom of our problem. We have to get down to causes and conditions. We do this by taking the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I just don't want to see you mess up and have to learn things the hard way. When people ask you if you want to drink you simply tell them without sounding to boastful that you don't drink and just leave it at that. If they ask you if you've ever drank you can tell them that I did but I just didn't like it very much so I stopped.
I would caution you to be very careful about hanging around other people that drink. We can be around alcohol such as in a bar if we have a legitimate reason for being there like say business or maybe an employee luncheon or something.
But there's another old saying;
If you hang around a barbershop long enough you're going to get a haircut.
Congratulations on your dream job but be careful and remember that the circus is still in town. If you're around people who are drinking all the time you should have no trouble recognizing this.
I'm a real alcoholic and there is no way that I could ever take on a job like you just did. .
Sooner or later I'd be afraid that my stinking thinking would set in and my memories would grow old. For me it would be like playing Russian roulette.
Ann: Congratulations—that is an accomplishment to be proud of.
Your sobriety is nobody’s business but yours, but I wanted to offer some alternate thoughts to consider.
- Sharing your sobriety may inspire one of your employees. It may give them the courage they need to change themselves.
- Even those not personally experiencing alcoholism may admire your overcoming it to reach the success you have.
- It may also chip away at societal stigma and show vulnerability.
- If could give you an added boost to prevent a slip up, rather than giving you an “out” to drink around them.
You can only do what you decide is right—just don’t let stigma or shame decide for you. When I decided not to tell, it let the shame rule my decision. When I later told a select few trusted people at work, I felt a huge sense of relief.
And you probably know this but it bears repeating—you cannot be fired for being in recovery. But you can be fired for your behavior on the job if you slip and use.
It’s a tough personal decision on who to tell and when—wishing you the best!
Have you done anything with cognitive behavioral therapy? In rehab we always needed to "play the tape forward" and plan. Don't go into an event with out a clear plan and a clear emergency exit strategy (sick kid, etc). As you get comfortable with your new coworkers, hopefully you can find that wing person you can confide in and trust to help you through these.
You've done a good job acknowledging this will be a trigger for you, now just prepare accordingly
Thank you for the reinforcement. It helps knowing I’m not the only one! I’ll just keep reminding myself that.
Thank you so much! Staying strong! 
Thank you for your thoughtful reply! Notes taken!
Thank you! Very good advice!
Inbox me any time! We can be dm wing buddies!!
I also had a hard time at the beginning. Especially with family functions and work events. I thought about it and thought about it. In the end I left early I couldn’t seem to have fun without it. Now everyone is different, but the reality was it was me psyching myself out that was causing me stress. I just started saying I don’t drink anymore…and that’s it. Rarely do I get questions or need to offer explanations, its no one business really and people are mostly polite about that. If I said Not right now or Im ok when offered a drink they would keep offering. Once I said I don’t drink anymore it stops. Its freeing, at least to me it was. Congratulations on your job!!
Time and patience. It takes time to feel comfortable and patience because you need to give yourself a break. Its not easy learning new behaviors. Its like anything practice! Good luck!
Thank you! That’s a good point. Just hit it out of the gate with “I don’t drink.”
Yeah! Give them a giant smile with it too! Lol thats what I do, be proud! A year and 4 months is no joke!