Really worried being new in recovery in 3 days will be 3 months, ya I've had 2 lapses but I haven't relapsed, idk how imma stay clean the 18th of April 2004 my mom's boyfriend who drugged her and my brother and locked us in a basement and made them watch him rape me for a week shot her up with heroin and bleach and killed her and she was finally doing good for the first time in 20 years she was clean, just got out of rehab, had her own place and a job, and her bday is the 21st of April. It's one of the hardest times of the year for me and I'm worried like every year since ( I started using meth the day I got the call at school that she was murdered) I'm gonna use. Any advice would be greatly appreciated
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Good morning Amy. This is all very heavy for you. It’s a lot to handle all on your own. I suggest you find a treatment facility that will take you in. This addition is a beast, and you will need help. Don’t be ashamed to go get the help you need and deserve. You’ve been very sick for many years, and recovery and healing are going to take time. Hope you can find the strength and courage to go get help 
I just got out of rehab. After a week there they had to rush me to the hospital cuz I aspirated and almost died, I was choking on my own throw up and I had pneumonia really bad. I spent 13 days in the ICU and the treatment center medically discharged me
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First… thank you for trusting us with something that heavy.
You did and that tells me you’re fighting for yourself even when part of you isn’t sure you want to.
You already know what April does to you, and instead of waiting for it to hit, you came here and asked for help before the date arrived. That’s not something someone who’s going to lose does. That’s someone building a plan.
A few things that might help you get through the next few weeks… if you don’t already have a therapist who specializes in trauma, check out Betterhelp right here on the app.
For the day itself, have someone you can call or text before you even get out of bed. Add friends here. I will also add you. Post in here that morning if you need to. Fill the day with something that requires your hands and your attention, not your thoughts.
We're here and you've got support
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Thank u for the uplifting support