Worried

Recovery
#1

  1. I work from home and am high-performing at work despite drinking and doing drugs daily, which I started to do to have more confidence and energy while working. I started spiraling into this cycle when I was so stressed at work from not being very confident as a person and not knowing how to deal with certain things so I would work from the bars and drink. There is a whole community of people that work from the bars. It’s always the same people and i like to say hi to them. I am worried I’ll lose the community of bar hopping friends/acquaintances I’ve accumulated. Like the show Cheers, sometimes it’s nice to be recognized and have these storylines and somewhere constant to go. I do think now I am much more capable at my job and don’t need a Bandaid to perform, and maybe never did. But, now I am addicted and stuck in a cycle.

  2. If I have one drink it escalates into months-long benders and constant drug use. I can’t go and not drink either.

  3. Every day i feel sick and guilty, but every day around 3PM i get the urge to go out that is overwhelming. I haven’t been able to make it past two days sober in a year. But on the second day i feel so good yet i go do it all again. Right now I am thinking of the community of people and the social interactions and jokes I can tell and I’m already getting an urge.
    :frowning:

  4. Worried I’ll lose the social parts. Worried I’m killing myself sooner rather than later. Starting to have physical symptoms, too. I want to continue having social relationships but I’ve never been very confident or even likable, according to many. I’m an introvert and find socialization challenging when I’m sober. When I told someone I was trying to quit drinking he said he likes me better when I drink. That’s the kind of thing I expect.

  5. Worried I have no control! Maybe I don’t even like the social parts… maybe it’s the addiction giving me an excuse to continue…

Thanks for listening !!!

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#2

Adam, that’s a lot to consider. I don’t really see a question here. It seems that you’re simply worried about the possible effects of sobriety on your work and social life.
So if that’s correct we are down to whether or not it’s a problem. If it is a problem then there are solutions.

It sounds like you have plenty of reasons for not stopping. However, your lifestyle seems unsustainable to me. I suggest you attend a meeting or two and see if you identify. Another suggestion would be to read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Specifically the stories in the back, and see if you identify.

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#3

What Matt said! Have you ever tried going to a meeting, listening to others share there experience strength and hope would be a great start for you to decide if you addicted or not. I know it worked for me.

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#4

Thanks . You are right. I didn’t really have a question I think. Just that it’s not sustainable and I feel sick every day. And it costs so much money. I miss having the ability to do things in moderation. I don’t have that ability anymore.

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#5

My experience has been that for all problem drinkers there was a point where moderation was no longer achievable. Not because I didn’t try, in fact I tried very hard to moderate. Finally it was pointed out to me that if I was moderating I wasn’t enjoying it, and if I was enjoying it, I wasn’t moderating.

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