Y’all so brainwashed into thinking you gotta go through $$$$$ and back just to prove a man loves you. That stuff ain't love, that's trauma disguised as affection. Love shouldn’t feel like a constant battle, like you’re being tested every other day to see if you’re strong enough to “handle” someone. Real love doesn’t come with constant headaches, confusion, or emotional roller coasters that leave you drained.
If he really loves you, you shouldn’t feel like you have to keep fighting for his attention, his loyalty, or his respect. You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, wondering if he’s going to pick up the phone, or worse—if he’s even thinking about you when you're not around. Love should bring you peace, not anxiety.
Why are we so conditioned to believe that enduring pain, disrespect, and inconsistency is some type of “love test”? That’s toxic, not love. If someone truly cares about you, they show it through actions that align with their words, consistently. You shouldn’t have to endure disrespect just to “earn” someone’s affection. That’s manipulation, not love.
Love is supportive, it’s kind, and it’s about mutual respect. You’re not supposed to have to choose between self-worth and affection. A real relationship elevates you, it doesn’t tear you down. If you’re constantly fighting battles that leave you emotionally and mentally exhausted just to hold onto someone, it’s time to step back and re-evaluate what you’re really holding on to.
So stop believing that enduring mess is the price for love. You deserve to have peace, respect, and kindness—no matter who you’re with. Anything less is a sign you need to start loving yourself more than you love the idea of being loved.
A lot of people have felt this kind of pain and confusion in past relationships. And sometimes it’s powerful to speak on the difference between love and trauma bonding in a positive way. Thanks for sharing that.