Just bc I am what I guess some would call (for the most part) a functional addict, just bc I’m not snorting bags of coke like Steve yet(not saying you’re not a functional contributor to society Steve I promise), doesn’t mean I can excuse the last 6 years of impulsive drug indulgence. The stealing, the apathy, the unethical behavior, the lying, the desperation, the isolation, the inconsistency, the insomnia, the constant cravings. Idk man where do you draw the line?
When do you say okay I’ve stolen enough of my grandpas oxy, my moms Xanax or muscle relaxers, my brothers hydrocodone? When do you say okay I’m “enlightened” enough, maybe I should stop using psychedelics? When do you say I’ve publicly made a fool out of myself too many times because I’ve drank too much? When do you say I’ve failed too many classes because I just smoke weed and take a nap and stop showing up to class too much?
Im just so fed up with my actions but yet even though they become more spaced out I just keep acting impulsively with drugs. I’m at the beginning again. I was barred out for 3 days this week and stole 4 of my roommates adhd medicine after I started to sober up without asking. I’m so embarrassed.
The worst part kinda is that I killed my 3, almost 4 month, streak of not smoking weed after having a HEAVY morning, afternoon, and night reliance on it for the last 6 years. It was the longest streak I’ve ever had without weed. I started smoking weed when I was 14 and have been addicted ever since. It’s the most adamant and persisting addiction I have. I failed 4 classes bc weed just controls me. Once I smoke weed I simply just give no ducks about anything I should at least remotely care about. Weed sounds like it has little impact but I’ve been a slave to it. I’m kind of starting to see that im so addicted to weed bc it keeps me away from other drugs but still if I smoke weed I will in fact destroy my future
Wow, the transparency you have is amazing! I think if you can read that back to yourself and not think you have to draw the line then you have some serious soul searching to do. I can relate with literally everything you said, no joke. I only have 90ish days right now but just came back from 5 years of sobriety and I learned a lot. The most important thing I learned it how duckin' selfish I am. How I can do all of these things you spoke of and keep doing them with almost no thought of how it is affecting others around me. Life is more than just me, it's about what I can add to others lives in my opinion. You can name all of the drugs in the world that you've tried but it isn't at all about the drugs, it's about you. Replace the words "drugs" or "alcohol" in the 1st step with "our thinking". To answer your question, you draw the line when you realize how duckin selfish you are and that you don't have to be that way, you can be the most beautiful, talented, trustworthy, loving and selfless person God created you to be. It's just going to take a lot of work. That's why so many of us fail, we want it now, but it doesn't work that way. We've been living and thinking and behaving one way for so long. It's going to take time to create new neuro pathways and thought patterns and beliefs.
I definitely have thought I’ve needed to draw the line for the last 3 years, I just still struggle. I guess that’s how I know calling myself an addict isn’t me just being dramatic? Definitely still have some serious soul searching and I will for the rest of my life. Man, breaking that 5 year streak sounds so much harder to accept compared to my 3/4 months. I’ve been beating myself up so much about it, I bet you learned so much when you finally forgave yourself. I think all addicts are incredibly selfish when it comes to weed or drugs. It’s tragic. How can we love something like that more than we love the ones around us? Deep down I know I’m all of those things you listed but it’s so hard to remember that when you screw up so badly. Yeah, I’m learning about how it’s not a sprint. Healing this will take time and will be a persistent problem to push through. In a way I’m grateful bc this has taught me so much about self accountability and resiliency but i wish I could focus those characteristics towards something like my work. Breaking the pattern takes so much energy from me.
I will seriously be praying for you! You def seem to have a good head on your shoulders and your personal honesty and insight is humbling. Id also suggest seeing someone professional too, I see a therapist once a week and it helps me so much. I don't know if you have faith or anything like that but this doesn't necessarily take any but could you read this? I just feel it may encourage you some. 
“For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.”
Romans 7:14-20 ESV
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”
Romans 8:37 ESV
You got this! Just one suggestion/request, can we please not compare ourselves to ppl by name? We are all struggling and fighting the fight…I’d personally feel hurt/embarrassed if I saw someone use my name in a post 
I’m also a school counselor and if I’m with multiple students, I tell them when they want to talk about someone else, even a teacher it’s okay to but not to use names. It’s goes a long way bc then everyone feels more comfortable to open up knowing names are off limits 
You’re doing awesome though! Keep it up 
Yeah no that totally makes sense. I thought it was just funny but yeah for sure understandable
I get it! Sometime we blur the boundary lines. I have been at fault myself many times before but just as I’d like someone to bring it to my attention in a productive way, I try to do the same 