Yeah went on a date it was the second one

Recovery
#1

Yeah went on a date it was the second one. I could just tell how awkward I was being. Man it’s hard trying to talk with someone without having that social lubricant. Anyways doesn’t bother me much just makes me feel a little disappointed in myself. Not being able to say what I really want without alcohol. Wa an expensive learning experience haha

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#2

You get used to it and awkward can be endearing. I was afraid to date sober and got out there.

You'll also notice how nervous they are too, or notice red flags right away.

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#3

I know how you feel lol. It’s weird doing EVERYTHING the first time sober, including dating. I’m not having much luck in the sober community and am trying the “normy” route. But I am struggling with finding someone who is supportive and not condescending about my sobriety. The right one is out there we just got to be patient! Good luck man!

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#4

Yep, I had to relearn everything my partying started before my dating, so I actually forgot that shitty people are still out there. I'm also still looking myself. Stay strong and reach out if you need to.

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#5

Give yourself some props! It’s not easy. Look at you, being honest and vulnerable. If that’s not the authenticity that someone is into, that’s on them.

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#6

Does that experience mean you are going to drink again when you go out on dates?

For me dating or talking to others when drinking was fake Kevin. I may have had liquid courage to say things they wanted to hear but it wasn’t authentic Kevin. I was manipulating them just to get with them. Today I look past the awkwardness and more into what my ideals are in a relationship. I bring those things into conversations because I don’t want to waste their time nor my time.

It was suggested to me to write out my ideals on paper. Asking God to mold or shape me to live these ideals as well. This way I can attract this person into my life. It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve written them. I have a few prospects I’m chatting with. Plus I’m not in a rush. Relationships take time. My first and only marriage was very much rushed. And even though it was 16 years long we grew apart and my alcoholism progressed.

Hang in there buddy! Work on yourself through the 12 steps, help others, write out your ideals, and watch the magic unfold.

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#7

All that goes away with time and working the steps.

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#8

Being awkward is cool! As long as you're sincere, you have something to offer, and you're genuinely learning about your date and enjoying the time spent it's all good. If it lasts, great! If not, if you had a good time then great!

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#9

I'll tell you, Adam
I'm not an advocate of people dating in early sobriety. I know Loosid has a dating section, but I believe that based on my experience, people in recovery should wait for a couple of years. At that time, you're going to be looking through a totally different set of glasses than you are now.

You only have 2 months. Getting into relationships caused me a lot of trouble in early sobriety because I only knew how to be a self server. What I didn't realize is that what I was really saying was, "This is what's going to make me happy" when I should have already been happy. We don't come to AA or recovery because we have so much to offer the rest of the world.

Against the advice of the people in AA, I met a woman in AA, and we both decided that a relationship would be the answer to all of our problems. They were six of the most miserable years of my life.

My life got to be the way it did because of decisions that I made that were based on self. I never stopped to think about how my actions would affect other people.

Staying out of relationships was not a decision that I made on my own. I simply listened to the advice of my sponsor at the time. It was a time for exploring and learning about myself. It was a time learning how to be independent. I learned at that time that I was actually codependent and that I never really lived for any length of time by myself, depending only on myself.

When I came to AA, my financial life was a total ruin, too. My sponsor asked me what I really had to offer women at this point in my life. The answer was nothing.

I got the important areas of my life in order before I started dating again, and today I am happily married with a nice home.

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