Hello all! Im in a pickle and need some advice and/or maybe someone to just talk to. Situation: I do have over 7 years of sobriety from heroin/opiates still haven't relapsed (I pray for continued strength to keep it that way), but I never seemed to mess around with meth really, that was until I got sober and started treatment with Suboxone, which worked amazingly well and I owe everything I have even my life to those meds, but when I was on Suboxone I never got high from it never felt any buzz or mind altering affects of any kind; so over time I just felt like I got bored and let my mind wander to negative cravings. Knowing I wouldn't and actually couldn't do opiates/heroin any more #1 because the Suboxone would prevent any opiates from entering my dopamine receptors with the naloxone in it and #2 because I knew it was going to kill me if I ended up back hooked to that shit; I ended up gradually trying out meth and other "uppers" like Adderall and cocaine. It never seemed like a problem I mean I'd do some on a weekend with friends and then not even see or think about it again for months at a time. But at some point I either let too many ppl into my circle that were habitually using meth or I myself just started gradually using it more and more on my own, until now years and years later it feels like it's ruining my life. After all these years and hard work I've put into staying off opiates I just feel defeated because what's the point if now I'm just addicted to a whole nother drug?? And this meth shit man let me tell you it messes with your brain in ways that are very very scary at times. My memory is deteriorating rapidly, weight loss is significant and terribly unhealthy, during the high I will lose all sense of awareness when it comes to almost everything even the basic survival mechanisms, won't know what time it is or the date or week etc. I won't even remember or feel the urge to eat food or drink water it just all gets lost in translation. I mean I'm at the point now where I'm barely even taking care of myself enough to stay alive it feels like. I rarely bathe, when I do it's out of the cold ass creek running thru the wilderness of Alaska that I currently reside in as my home in my car and a tent, I make money by illegally selling a certain thing mywife and I both get every month (not opiates, but I'm sure u can figure out what I'm referring to), but all that money just goes to either more meth, or random useless shit that rarely helps me or my wife in any meaningful way. I've been in this mode going on 4 years now man, I'm getting scared. I know exactly what I need to do, the hardest part is that my wife seems to not want to stop. She just looks like she's gone. I don't even recognize her half the time anymore, or myself. I'm scared alone and need help.
A drug is a drug is a drug! Personally if I use anything legal or illegal My sobriety or clean date is gone and I must start over. It sounds like You are in a very bad place physically, mentally and spiritually. I know that My sobriety is only possible because of My spiritual condition and the amount of effort I put forth to be close to My higher power who keeps Me sober. Get help, We are personally responsible for our own health and M
must leave the things behind that risk our personal growth in recovery. Reach out to someone local and try to get into treatment if You can, a sponsor may help You if You have one. Don’t use again, pray to Your higher power and get help!!! You are worth it and must take action to save Yourself or You will die from this disease of addiction!!!
Oh boy. I’m going to be Brutally honest Yes, you are in trouble! Please seek in-patient treatment immediately. No excuses. Dude, this is your life on the line.
Joseph O…correct..a drug is a drug is a drug.
Me, being a recovering alcoholic, I can’t even drink a cola..caffeine. I am an addict and anything I pick up is going to be a problem
I work in pharmacy. I can’t tell you how many prescriptions of
sub ozone/adderall , xanaax..the list is endless.
What I’m trying to say is I get that this is a disease. But taking one drug to get off another is a downhill slope. I’m not sure if the Dr’s just don’t care, patients lie to them, because let’s face it, our addiction makes us do some shady things. And the Pharmacies are making moola , and this whole thing is out of hand.
Sooo
Long term in patient, counseling, meetings for you, my friend. It’s the only way. Also, and this is harsh, but you have to hear it
You and your wife need to be in Separate facilities. It will never work together. It just won’t work until you both work separately on yourselves.
If it’s too much right now to find a rehab..go to the emergency at a hospital. NOW!
Then take it from there.
I have almost 16 yrs sobriety..but let me tell you, my thinking isn’t always “sober “. It’s the disease and I thank GOD everyday for keeping me clean.
Please do this for yourself, and your wife
I agree with Joseph and Michelle. A drug is a drug. You need to be separate from your wife and you need to go to the ER. You and your wife can start detoxing in the ER until they can find you both separate rehab facilities.
First, not trying to be rude but you don't have to look outside of yourself to find the reason you now struggle with meth. You knew it was an addictive substance and knew you were already in recovery for addiction. You just still though you had control. You need to get real with yourself and addiction. You need to get I to rehab. Not tomorrow. Today. Meth kills. It does it super fast too. One bad dose and you are gone. You can get clean but you are going to have to do the work. You wife needs to do the same.
You are not clean or sober if you are using meth ! Period. So, I suggest starting over by surrending completely and admit you are powerless over drugs and alcohol - anything that is mood-altering. Get to a hospital - they'll sign you up for Medicaid. All the tips people have offered you are are true. Get over the idea you have 7 years clean. And Meth is the end of the road for many addicts. Ask God for help and get yourself into action TODAY. You could be dead tomorrow. I'm praying for you. 
Admit defeat man sometimes it takes more then one two or five or 20 times but admitting defeat to it is the first you need to do and not to any one first but yourself and take a moment to look at yourself in a mirror when saying it and think it first and then speak out loud : by this time next year I refuse to be anything like this person and or will not be this person ever again and will do everything in my power to make that a success. Don't like something like speed get you man you beat the hardest of them all which I have had to many dances with the devil myself with to imagine struggling so hard to make it through the hardship and feeling afraid to the point the point where it sounds as if you think your are in danger. Speed is what I went to as well after being sober but what you and me both forgot is that we're addicts first and foremost and will over indulge almost always let me tell you though it's nothing as terrible as coming off herion or Percoets or any pills you just need to be alone with someone at the other head of the phone ready to talk when you need it you need to realize your going to be a lot more agitated when you stop speed and other then that man I guess the best thing to say is don't let the addicted voice inside you convince you that you need meth to survive your body needs water needs food and nourishment and a good two or three nights rest man start there start fresh be productive after the rest you can do this man really just admit to yourself your losing side of the battle and tell yourself your plan to fight it off and for good you got this man
Wow... I'm overwhelmed with how much a response I've received. You've all given me a lot to think about and digest. I appreciate your kindness and thoughtful advice and it really means a lot to me to have anyone to talk to. If there's a way to directly chat on here, I'm open to talk I could use some direct contact with other like minded or similar life experienced ppl like yourselves.
Having said that, I do think I may have made it sound like my situation is far more dire than it is.. I'm not saying any of it was untrue or even exaggerated in any way. But I will say that I left out a lot of the positives that I currently have in my life and yes it looks bleak and hopeless most the time, but I have a way out of this mess. I do have resources available at hand to better take care of myself.
The extreme shit I described was the kind of things I experience in the depths of really deep or long standing "runners, having had stayed up for several days at a time or up to a week at a time with little to no sleep , food or hydration. These " runners" happen maybe once or twice a month currently, most the time I'm pretty level headed so to speak, don't get me wrong I'm definitely in need of serious intervention or serious abstinence from this shit, but I am alive I am eating and drinking I have my own vehicle that runs and drives to sleep in and stay warm in, I also have several job prospects at my disposal as of recently. I got in touch with the pastor of my little town I live in, and after having been caught stealing firewood off someone's property to stay warm, the pastor bought me a brand new chain saw, a new splitting maul, gas and oil for the saw and everything I need to cut and gather firewood for myself!
So things are starting to look up.
Also I'd like to address the Suboxone situation. I understand a drug is a drug is a drug. But i can't deny the fact that this particular drug has saved my life literally. Yes obviously meth is killing me I'm fully addicted to it and it needs to be dealt with ASAP, but you guys need to understand the Suboxone is not something that is harming me it is saving me. Of course coming from my perspective it'll sound like I'm defending my drug, but here's the difference: on sub I'm in legal medically monitored long term medication assisted treatment. The countries top addiction specialists have come to the conclusion that in the midst of this opiates epidemic occuring now that between the options of in patient treatment or outpatient medication assisted treatment like long term Suboxone, Suboxone has far higher success rates, whereas in patient treatment goers end up coming out clean and 99% of the graduates end up relapsing back onto the same drugs they went into treatment for, and then most end up actually dying of overdoses because they think they know their tolerance level etc.
Anyways, I'll keep reading all your guys advice I really appreciate you all so much! I need advice on how to get off meth, the Suboxone is something that I'm not debating at this juncture but I appreciate your opinions and I hear you all!!
Prayers sent for strength. You definitely need in patient treatment. In my opinion. Best of luck on your journey. Hugs
Cody!!!
I am wishing you love , light and success . As God is my higher power I am praying 
for you, as well!
When I read your response, I didn’t want to respond because now I’m jumping on my soapbox and telling you this:
You are making excuses.
Suboxone is NOT saving your life..because you’re doing other shit.
I mentioned I am in Pharmacy.
Suboxone can work for a hell of a lot of people, UNLESS THEY ARE USING OTHER SHIT!
patients are using Suboxone, but also taking Xanax. Adderall, Norco, Ambien, etc. with it.
In the past 2 weeks, we’ve had 6 patients OD and and they are gone.
I went from a corporate pharmacy..to an independent pharmacy, thinking it would be better. It’s not. The owner is letting this go..He’ll call the dr. To question their prescriptions they are handing out.. but hey ok it, and the owner makes $$$ off of it.
I’ve rambled on enough. It’s great you have a pastor, a car ,etc
But please please check you and your wife into the ER, detox, and long term in -patient Rehab, separate from wife, is your best bet. Because you are correct..people doing 30, 60, even 90 day rehab go right back using day #1!!
I was one of them. Took me 3 stints in rehab and even after being almost 16 yrs sober, I still struggle.
I’ve learned that I cannot be on anything.. not even caffeine! I smoked cigarettes for over 20 years and finally quit 2 years ago. It’s just something I cannot do..
Most cannot. And I heavily believe you and your wife are in that category. Stop fooling yourselves, seek Immediate HELP and live a wonderful life! It does get better. I can promise you that being sober is a miracle! I knew this when I found I could laugh every day again, even while struggling! It’s hard but so worth it!
Cody! I feel for you and your wife! I was addicted to Meth once as well. It took me down fast! 11 months and 18 days to be exact. You have made the first step, to admit you have a problem. Now like the others said, get to the hospital. But my first suggestions for the both of you to get down on your knees and pray/meditate! Ask God to give you both the courage to heal, to go to the hospital, to stop using. I believe if you pray to your higher power continuously and truly believe in what you’re praying about, God will answer your prayers. Be very honest with yourself and to your higher power. You can do this!
Hi. My story is very similar . I too am on meth. Every day for over 7 years now. And i too was on herion but i did stop thst with subs. I get everything your saying. If you want to dm me we can talk. Ive messed up my life so badly i don't think it's fixable. Meth is a bad bad thing. It sucks you in making you think it will be there for you. And then it takes all you have.
11 people are call you a duck.so get help.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!