Yes, showing up is hard somedays. I try to keep a positive mindset but it’s difficult sometimes. My mind can be a terrible place to be. I don’t want to be in it let alone others there. So many times throughout the day I think: “well, they did it, they pushed me too far and now I’m going to relapse. I throw a tantrum and sometimes cry and then i get back on the horse. I start thinking theres no way I’m going to throw 16 years away. God didn’t bring me this far to abandon me. So the negative thoughts come and I don’t act on them. I think about all the help i got to get to where i am today and I’m grateful for all the individuals that don’t have malicious intent to destroy me. However, I don’t trust many. I’m in the company of individuals five days a week sometimes six that have disrespected me and stepped all over my toes, so yeah it’s really difficult to show up sometimes
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