Yesterday I reached into the fridge to grab a seltzer. I had this reaction to realizing that there were only a few left. I thought “Is that going to be enough to get me through the evening?” I almost laughed because I realized my brain was having the same reaction as when I would realize I only had a few beers left. It was interesting to notice. It was also a moment of reflection. I used to get stressed about it. I would try and get enough to drink for the evening and would quickly begin to keep track of the time into how quickly I was drinking and how much was left to drink. Admittedly I would often drive to get more sometimes mildly, other times more heavily under the influence. Usually I would end up getting more than I could handle and have a bunch left over in the morning. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and just get right back to drinking.
Anyway- it was a good thing to remember. I felt pretty grossed out by that behavior but also it felt so good to not be in that place anymore. I’m still in very early stages of this and I don’t want it to come off like a brag or something. I really just want to acknowledge my drinking habits and how good it feels to be moving away from them
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