You know, I think the best thing about being sober is the fact I can F-ing FEEL again!! I shut off my emotions for over 20 years! Hiding who I was to the point I forgot! It was “I’ll be whatever you want me to be”! The guilt and shame took over and I had to drown it out to not feel!!
Now I am comfortable with who I am, I know who I am, I love who I am! Get vulnerable and let it out and begin to let others in! The outcome is remarkable!!
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For years I was a people pleaser, it seems to me that many of us can parrot your post.
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People pleasing was the norm, it was all I knew. It was the only way I felt I was accepted! In trying to be something else I lost who I was. For too long I lived in that fog man! So glad to be me!!! Thanks for the comment Aaron!!
Still struggling with the people pleasing thing,at almost 60. Was the only way I could get approval. Now I try to get my own approval, but sometimes think I have no right. Yes, I do know that there is an awesome person inside, but how do you get through this feeling?
Hey sally! For me the people pleasing started when I was younger. Not fitting in and things I found enjoyment were not the “norm”. Ie. I’d rather play guitar and draw and all the artistic things I liked instead of play baseball and soccer or football! That was not what my father liked!! It wasn’t “a mans” sport. Or rugged! Or it was not something that I could have a future with. So I learned that what I liked wasn’t accepted. I closed off my mind to what truly brought me joy! In turn it all started to mold me into just doing the things that others did to “fit in”. If I liked the color black and someone winced at my color I changed my color! So it spread into my adult life. It wasn’t until I really dug into what actually gave me joy and found my way back to that pure happiness that I felt in the little passions I had did I begin to feel ok with my own decisions. In the end who cares what someone else likes. There not you they never will be, nor you them. So do what you like and the ones who accept you for you individuality and your willingness to show that are the ones who you want in your life.
Funny things people have in common! I'm an artistic person also. Painting and woodcarving. I was told that you can't make a living being an artist. That's a hobby. I only have just recently started working on some new things. I do try to remember that we all can't be the same. The world would not function. Thanks for sharing. What's your art of choice? If you're like me and put your heart in to your work I'm sure it's beautiful.
Yup can’t make a living doing it. Or “you think your good? There are 20 people just as good if not better that still haven’t made it, get a realistic job”. It was complete rejection early on. I mainly did freehand then anything with computers and graphics. I loved the animations in movies. I have built my own electric guitar (planed routes soldered wired sanded etc.) and PC. And funny thing is after years of being told graphic design is not a “real job” it’s one of the biggest markets out there now. Haha. I do put my all into it. It’s a passion and something I enjoy. Funny how life can change!!! Don’t let anyone tell you you should t do what you love. That’s when people stop being themselves.
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Thats one good thing my dad always said to me was .. find something you love and find ways to make money at it !! It stuck with me and I did ! The one thing I got right I think lol
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I'm happy for you, Steve. I am trying to do more of the works I enjoy. So far great gifts to give.
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Thank you! I couldnt agree more. It’s a shame the stigma is that “men don’t cry”. “Men can’t show emotion” “Real men don’t show weakness and admitting they need help”. I say F THAT. That’s all the biggest piece of BS out there!! But that’s what society has built into our lives. It can’t be further from the truth! The strength and the “real men” ask for help and are willing to become vulnerable and lay it all out! Everything. And try their hardest. It took me so long to find that out but if I didn’t have people out there who went through it showing me “life is beautiful” and “become vulnerable “ then I would have never believed it. I can’t wait to pass on all I have had the privilege to learn myself!!!
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