You know when you are sitting in a trap house or your house and you’re an addict all you think about is using then one day you get an urge this is not life. This is not living slowly killing myself or I’m dying or who wants to be with a crackhead or who wants to be with someone like me that doesn’t have their self together then you start to think maybe I should get my things together so detox here I come and while you’re in detox, they tell you you know you can make it all you have to do is put in the work so you decide that you’re gonna go to treatment from detox and when you’re in treatment, you’re not alone you’re around everybody all kinds of people different walks of life who you would look at people and be like they don’t look like people who use drugs or they don’t look like people whose families molested them or they don’t look like people who’s had it hard all their lives than you think. I wonder what made them use. I wonder what made them uncomfortable in their own skin to where they need therapy and drugs were the answer. Here’s the thing we never think that drugs are the answer. Sometimes it’s a family member that turns us out and other times we read the wrong crowd. OK we’re getting a treatment and it’s our first two weeks. We get a itch oh my God what do I do? Who do I run to? Who do I talk to? Who’s gonna listen to me? Who’s gonna wipe my eyes when I cry and then you realize nobody because this is a walk you have to take all by yourself in order to make it to be able to go through it to be able not to walk out the door and relapse or let somebody make you feel like you should relapse then you think no I want this. I’m worth this life is worth living. I have to make this happen then you think here’s my third week. The tears are getting lighter. I see a smile. I’m starting to want to do things again. I want my hair done. I want my nails done. I wanna go get my feet done and then you think I wanna take myself out to dinner just because I feel great and you do all of these things and then you come home to the treatment house and you look again and it’s just like oh my God I can’t remember the last time I looked this good. I can’t remember the last time I wanted to do these things for myself until you start to cry because you don’t recognize the woman in the mirror that’s looking at you because she’s different now she knows she wants to live. She knows that she would do anything in her power to make it. This is my fourth week. Oh my God I’m riding the pink cloud at least that’s what they call it in recovery. Oh my God I’m making it and then something hits you from home. Oh my God what am I gonna do? Where do I go and then just at that moment you realize that you are making it and they don’t like it they don’t wanna see you make it because that’ll admit you’re different. You’re living now you’re not just existing and that is amazing. You wake up you grab you a cup of coffee you sit out on the balcony or you go outside the front door and you look up and down the street and everything smells like roses a new breath fresh air to finally know I did it. I did it guys thank you God for allowing me to make It and for that and that alone you start to live each day, taking a breath every time you walk up in the morning because you’re no longer existing you’re living be thankful recovery isn’t about making 1 million steps all at once it’s about taking a lot of small steps to conquer the world to conquer you inside and out, and nobody can take that away from you but you but every day you have to get up and you have to say this is my life and I am going to fight for my life. This is my life. I am going to do what it takes for my life to prosper to be veteran society to be a better woman than I was before because I deserve better. I deserve love. I deserve. And because of that we walk around with our heads held high, no longer looking down at the ground. We are an existing living, breathing thing culture, and we deserve to live.
6 Likes
Love this💖
1 Like
So beautiful and raw and perfect
1 Like