11 years ago, I came out of a blackout after babysitting the 5-year-old son of an ex-girlfriend. The shame and guilt I had for putting a young child in jeopardy was so incredibly powerful that I literally could not look in the mirror. I honestly don’t remember how long that went on. The truth is I don’t remember.
What I do remember is the feeling of complete emptiness.
A few months before, on January 13th, 2012, I was beaten within an inch of my life and woke up in the intensive care unit. The doctors were very concerned that the eye socket would collapse that would potentially lead to a series of infections and potential issues with eyesight. I went to plastic surgeon to figure out what they could do to repair my face.
The moment my bones healed enough, I went back on a run without hesitation.
The anger and pain inside of my heart was too painful for me to live in reality…
The crazy thing is I had no idea why I was in pain. None of it made sense. On paper, I came from a good family, loving parents, private school, none of it made sense.
March 21, 2012, however, was very different. Though I didn’t care about myself, I have always had an intense desire to help others, and the thought of putting a child in harm’s way had me shook to my core.
I honestly don’t remember how long it took but at some point, I took my empty shell of a human being to the 12-step group I went for so many years.
I did something I had never done before. I raised my hand and said the 3 words that I’m not sure I ever said in my life…
I NEED HELP.
My journey began on that day, 11 years ago.
I was at a 12-step meeting last night in Delray beach. Someone shared they were a hopeless case. I remember that feeling of hopelessness like it was yesterday. I wanted with everything in my heart to help him… but I couldn’t.
He was in so much pain.
It’s very similar to going into the hospital waiting room and walking out complaining you are still sick … not realizing you never asked to see the doctor or take the medicine.
The path for all of us starts with the three words that nobody ever wants to say. The very same three words that will save our lives… then it’s up to us to do the work.
My wish for today, is for everyone to know there is a path forward. There is a beautiful life ahead… but it starts with those three words.
The only way out is through. Please trust me on that.
Love you all
