In all honesty it’s because your doing it making it don’t look back it’s ok to remember but only use that for strength you’ll be irritable and some days will be harder but your doing it keep reaching 
For me it has been up and down as far as my moods and how I’m handling sobriety. I just try to ride the waves and let myself feel the mix of emotions. The first 3 months were probably the most difficult but it gets better. Hang in there. You are not alone.
Yes, we aren't supposed to do this. This disease is cunning baffling and oh so powerful. Keep fighting our disease fights hard to keep us stuck. I hope you have a sponsor you can be open and honest with and go to meetings and get involved. Soberiety is so very worth the fight and you are worth it. I like to let new comers know that they have found a warm place in a cold world! Keep up the good work!🫶🙏