Do you have a sponsor or an accountability partner? My biggest challenge so far with opioids and nicotine has been finding someone to share unfiltered feelings with and mutually support. It can’t be a romantic partner fr, ESPECIALLY if they are also going through addiction
I wish I had something profound, but here is my anchor in sobriety. I do this for me. I do it for past me that wanted me to be the worlds greatest linebacker. I do this for future me so that I can look back at my road and know it wasn’t easy but I did it. I do this for present me, so that today I can be proud of learning to make choices that are the best for me. On days I struggle I remind myself that future me wasn’t no quitter, and past me is nobody’s chump.
The decision to get clean has to be about you. It has to mean your survival, and no way back. Get to some meetings and build a support network. I am reminded of those really tall cellular antennas. Some of them are 1500 feet tall. They reach those heights by having support wires keeping them steady. It may seem shaky but they work. Our sobriety is the same way. We can never reach the height we were meant to stand without support.
I wish I had some great advice but I abused myself for years and hit rock bottom so many times and oded 8 times and still didn't quit. I literally just had a moment of clarity where I just realized enough was enough and I was ready to finally fight and give it up. One thing I do tell myself is I didn't quit for good I just quit for today. Maybe that could help you. Because telling yourself you are giving something you love up forever can feel so overwhelming and almost like heart break. Drugs become like our significant other, our best friend. So it's like giving up a long term relationship. And when we do that we have to heal and we don't entirely tell ourselves we will never see or talk to that person ever again do we? So treat the drug the same way you'd treat breaking up with your boyfriend. And then take it one day at a time. "Today I am not going to do cocaine" and rinse and repeat. Hopefully it just becomes natural to you
When we relapse I call it "believing the LIE."
You have to play the scene all the way forward before you pick up. You might feel good for a short period of time but sooner or later you have to wake up again, if you wake up at all. And if you wake up you may wake up in a jail cell. Regardless of where you wake up, you'll have to start all over again. And the wheel goes round and round and round.
Sooner or later you have to be willing to walk through the pain. The trick is not walking through the pain alone. This is why we have a program of Alcoholics Anonymous, sponsors and a phone to call people.
I relapsed and quit relapsing because I didn’t want to drag out withdrawal for so long. Getting through the anger to recovery is the only way I know of.