I'm struggling with accepting my new life isn't chaos and to enmbrance the "norm" since getting sober over a year ago I've come to realize me and my partner are 2 very different people , I have certain standards for myself that I believe are not exaggerated. How I explained it to him was he was "filling my tank " ( with compliments , reassurance etc) when I was in addiction but ever since I've been sober that "filling of the gas tank stopped " he had admitted his lack of affection stems from resentments he has for me not doing certain things ( like going after my ex for money ) and for my recovery I practice just leave it in the past and move on so ive decided from this piont on that after I'm done school in June I will move out , but living as roommates is killing me as I'm co dependent and crave attention 
theres other things that are obvious we dont mix well with eachother , hes 20 years older and wants to penny pinch where im 32 and want to experience life as much as I can, such as going out to dinner once a month or even just going camping or go for an hours drive to do some hiking but im just struggling with is this the right decision to move out, my gut feeling is telling me i need to live on my own to love myself but the other side is telling me i wont be comfortable without affection even tho the affection stopped months ago, he did still do kind things like sweep off the car for me in the mornings but im just struggling with is am i being ungrateful and should just accept it for how it is , are my standards to high .. uggh. side note i am 1 year 6 months clean 
Brianna, did you say he was 20 and you’re 32? Not that age matters, but the way your explaining it since you got sober it seems that you have a lot of co dependency issues hunny that he at that age, if that in face is the true age, or at any age can not fill for you. You going on hikes and car rides and what you are doing for yourself is what you need to be doing right now, that is the best thing you can be doing right now. No man is going to fulfill your needs no matter if you stay or go, if he meets your needs today and it feels you, and doesn’t tomorrow and now you want to run or your let down makes for a set up for a relapse. Trust me. I have seen this song and dance before, I talk to many just like you, take care of a NUMBER ONE, and that is you. And make yourself happy, that will be your biggest obstacle and accomplish and will make yourself happy and fulfilled. Trust me. You don’t need him or to be roommates or none of that. Stay strong, you got this.
He's 20 years older I meant to say 
and your right, I need to fill my own needs recovery is so important!! It's not that I've been thinking about my DOC but the idea of smoking pot again has crossed my mind many many of times, my gut tells me I need to get my own place and experience the value of independence!!! He keeps trying to remind me that it's expensive to live on my own but I know I'll make it work, thank you for your kind words !!! 
You will be fine! You got this!! 
Always go with your gut feelings. If it's telling you to go then you should go. It's not fair for your partner for you to expect them to be the source of all your happiness. You have to be happy in your own skin, by yourself without the "need" for someone else to make you feel good about you. Having a partner is supposed to enhance your world, not become your world.
I'm not saying he has to he the source of happiness, I just don't understand or feel it was fair how he showered me with affection while I was in addiction and then the affection came to a hault when I got sober , he claims it's from his own resentments such as not going after my ex for money
And to be completely honest I'm not over my ex yet , I need to heal those emotions first
Your standards are NOT too high. Your standards are right for you. Stop doubting yourself. I use to be in your situation and am soo glad I got out. It took my 21 years.
Don't wait to finally look after your own needs first. And I'm sure you can clean off your own windshield,
.
Do for yourself while your still young.
Thank you so much, your validation means alot !!!
Exactly 
@brianna213927 If I'm reading this
He has 20 years sobriety? How many do you have? 32? or is that your age.
In a nutshell believe 5% of what people say and 95% of what they do.
Our 12 step program is based on action not lip service.
I agree with @shelley224665 Only God/ Your higher power will fill your tank.
We who have been around for an extended length of time have seen this before. The end is not always good.
YOU WILL ALWAYS COME FIRST.
That's just my two pennies on the matter
I'm 32 years old and he's 51 , I have 1year 6 months clean 3 years sober , and I agree I need to put myself first, thank you
Thank you Michael, u appreciate your beliefs in me. I have been around awhile and I also have a degree in this and I counsel people on the daily so I think I know alittle of what my lip service has done for people:wink:, but yes, totally, unity recovery and service is the only to stay sober.
Codependency is so incredibly prevalent in alcoholics. Most people don't even bother looking at it so kudos to you for acknowledging it and taking a look at it. If i had a dollar for every recovering alcoholic/addict that I know that's in a terrible relationship, I'd have like enough to buy some new shoes. In codependent people in recovery, their partners become their drug and in more severe instances they become their higher power, which is obviously dangerous for us because if that goes away what are we left with?
Insanity lol , I've been sober for 3 years and , 1.5 years clean. After going to rehab is when I learned about codependency, I got a book about it and it really opened my eyes to the many forms of it, I used drugs to validate myself so it's not better for me to look for that from my partner, what is bugging me tho am I throwing away someone that should be in my life because of my own personal problems. But then I look at it as sometimes people come into our lives when we're not ready and if it's meant to be they will come back
As we sober up our standards go up. Just saying
Reading this entire thread helped me in my sobriety just now. Thank you for your vulnerability @brianna213927 and all of your shares @brett137255 @michael263340 @joanne297994 @shelley224665 @wendy303500
We both agreed that I need to work on myself for awhile and that if it's meant to be we will come back together. I need to figure out if my feelings for him are for him or just the need to have the companionship that comes with a relationship
You can learn to love yourself and when you do things for yourself you will be happy doing it. I learned to eat my meals alone. Not that it is nice but because my partner has different eating habits. I cook a meal regardless if he will be there or not. I remember skipping meals in the past because I didnt like to eat alone. Once you go out on you own get a pet they have unconditional love.
I have a cat right now he is my whole world!! We wake up together, go to bed together and he's what I look forward to when I get home from school ( going to college right now )