Feeling uninspired, hopeless, frustrated

Struggling Help
#1

This weekend was super hard. Things in my life are going okay but not exactly where I want them to be. I started my dual Masters program and I’m feeling overwhelmed.

What is the hardest though is missing my son. The family law system is a joke when it comes to mental health and domestic violence. I’m so resentful that the law allows this man to be a father. He is controlling my life right now and I’m so frustrated. I feel so trapped by him. I’m going through such a toxic custody battle with him.

Sometimes I feel hopeless knowing I have to deal with this man for the rest of my life and it really gets me down. I have a lot of resentments right now and I’m struggling with forgiveness. I’m struggling with even completing Step 4.

I went to church alone this morning and cried a bit.

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#2

What’s happening now won’t happen forever. “This too shall pass”. Right?? Just take one day at at time. Don’t think about everything, just knock down what you need to do today. Plan your day tomorrow and stay on track. The days will add up and they will make you stronger.

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#3

We must weather the storm :pray:t3:

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#4

Guess I’m having trouble with recognizing this won’t last forever. I feel my patience is so thin right now.

But I know I have to keep going and not let this get in the way. I’m trying to be the best and provide the best for my son.

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#5

Very very true.

#6

Everything your feeling is normal. This is what’s happening to you at the moment so these emotions are real and difficult. But that doesn’t mean you’re weak or doing something wrong. It might get worse before it gets better but it will get better.

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#7

My sister is a prosecutor and a giant reason my as went through the motions of detox, rehab(the longer the better), sober living, out attending therapy and meetings. If you are wanting to improve conditions with your custody case, they want to see all that apparently. The more stuff you can tack on in the recovery realm and the longer your sobriety the better it looks to them. They really only go by chips and stuff and maybe sponsor/counselor affidavit ( what they say signed) rather than how long you've said you were sober. I'm in SMART, so not big on the steps. I'm sure you have every right to resent your exe but you can't let that infect your recovery process. I had to do the same with a bit different court case ( punched a cop while drunk , so they say,:expressionless:). But it's the same...they want to see an official chip or certificate if graduation from rehab or testimony/affidavit of counselor/sponsor/ therapist. I can't tell you how long they will run you along though. Mine looking like 4 months to get off mine. I hope some of this helped. Holler if any questions.
Good luck
Strength and Serenity

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#8

Church is okay I guess, but you should really connect to some people who sober. Sober and those who don't have addiction problems are very different. Look for some women's AA meetings. They will take care of you. And some of them are very "churchy" if that's what blows your hair back.

AA has practical ways of staying sober, whereas church is just, well, church.

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#9

Go to a meeting and dump all that out there. I'm sure you will be surprised on how much love and support you get. We can't afford to harbor resentments, they will bring us back out! I use to think the same thing about my x wife during our custody battles and today we are actually friends. This to shall pass​:pray::heart:

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#10

I feel you, Alyssa. I’m new to this app/ back on day one (again) but my main reason for getting sober is because I have also have a history of being a victim of DV too. Having resentment towards your ex is totally understandable, this kind of thing takes a toll on you so be patient with yourself :heart: I’m also going through a similar situation with my toxic ex and if you chat about it at all, I’m here for you!
You aren’t alone :revolving_hearts:

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#11

After rehab, I took a few years off and waited until I was ready to complete my MBA. My advise is do what you can and don't take on too much. Especially with the family issues going on.

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#12

Resentment will bring us down, even back to a place where we have worked so hard to get away from. I’m dealing with custody issues with my ex right now too, she had the affair and she is telling lies about me to my children and everyone else. I tire my hardest to keep my side of the street clean. I pray for the strength to forgive her multiple times a day but I struggle with it all the time. Alyssa keep your head up and keep doing the work, it works if we work it. I will be praying for you and yours.

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#13

Derek thank you so much for your advice! It is much appreciated. I’ve learned that the truth will prevail and being patient will be in my favor. I’m just really disheartened that my ex filed a temporary restraining order against me so while I was in residential treatment. We were never really together and I had primary custody. Me going away for 30 days was the hardest thing I could have done. My son was only 9 months and we discussed the temporary arrangements of him caring for our son while I went to a trauma/substance abuse center. But my biggest fear came true. I asked him countless to be sure he wouldn’t use going to treatment against me but he did.

He then blindsided me and 2 days before my discharge while on a family call with my parents my mom told me he had filed a temporary restraining order and I had a court date in 2 weeks. He filed an affidavit that has truth and lies mixed in and then the judge dismissed the multiple abuse claims on his part during our hearing.

The hardest is having supervised visits when I know I’m not a danger to my child.

But I accepted what happened and I’m definitely proud that I’ve also completed an 8 week IOP, going to therapy, got certified in CPR and pediatric CPR, completed parenting classes (not court ordered just on my own) and I’m using Soberlink 4 times a day. I have solid proof and evidence of my sobriety. Took 8 weeks of urinalysis too at my IOP.

Things will hopefully be changing soon and we will have another hearing date.

I’m very prepared and hopeful just tired of being patient I guess. This all happened in early November.

#14

Taylor, thank you for the advice. I do have a solid group of women I met in residential and IOP that I stay in daily contact with. I also went to a women’s AA meeting with my sponsor at her sober house. But honestly I have been putting meetings on the back burner or do them online and less in person. Which I need more in person.

This church I’m going to is pretty good so far. They are very open minded and it’s been a super safe place for me. Definitely the first positive experience I’ve had with church in a long long time. I grew up Catholic and don’t miss that church.

#15

Donnie, thank you. Yup, I’m trying to not live in resentment. I have self awareness but I’m stubborn when it comes to forgiveness. I’m really trying to work on that.

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#16

Zee, thank you. :heart: most of the time I feel justified I’m not forgiving him because he really put me through the worst while pregnant and after. I’m having a really hard time understanding how you forgive a person like that. I feel so embarrassed for what I let happen and I wish I would have made different decisions but I can’t stay stuck in regret either. Thank you and wishing you luck on your sobriety journey as well. :slightly_smiling_face:

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#17

Mo, thank you for the advice. I feel I have thrown myself into a lot of things to stay busy and to not be distracted. I started my recovery journey at the end of September and have just kept going. I feel that if I’m not constantly doing something I may mess up if that makes sense/ I’m trying to realize it’s okay to take it easy, do nothing or do something for myself.

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#18

Joshua, thank you. Resentment is the worst and I’m trying to get out of it but not going to lie - it’s hard for me. In the past I can just easily cut someone off but I have to interact with my son’s father daily so I can’t just cut him off. It feels frustrating when lies are being told. I totally understand that. You’re right - all we can worry about is keeping our side of the street clean. I know I’m a good mother and I love my son so much. I know he’s said so many negative and untrue things about me as a mother but I can’t focus on that. Wishing you well in your situation too!

#19

I totally understand where your coming from, but the thing you should rent is that you don’t have to drink or use because of this situation. Take this opportunity to work on self this way when the time is right. You have the work that you’ve put in to fight the fight. Right now it’s all this wreckage that you created and there are consequences that are occurring. Unfortunately he has all rights and until you can show that your working on you to better your circumstances not just for you but for you and your son. If you trust God, trust me you will be amazed how things /situations will fall into place by you staying clean n sober. Trust the process. You may hold onto resentments and resentments are only toxic if you hold on to them. Let go let God. Let God give you direction. Pray :pray: pray some more, get on your knees, pray for your Son to be close to you again, for the judge to have an open mind an heart. Have faith in a power greater than yourself I know it’s difficult and your angry feeling hopeless because as addicts and alcoholics we want instant gratification. And life doesn’t work like that. My saying is life happens on life’s terms the good with the bad. The sooner you grasp that concept the more peace you will have in your life. I promise you this too shall pass. It will get better ❤‍🩹 on God’s time not yours. Suggestion work on self everything else will fall into place. One day at a time. Turn it all over. The sooner you except that you are powerless over the circumstances the freer you will fill. I wish you well. Praying for you :pray::purple_heart:

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#20

Pages 562 in the Big book read everyday for 2 weeks and see what happens..

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