Guys I need help with how to deal with this!!! I have a long time in sobriety and this is shaking me to my very core!!
My baby boy just turned 16 and I keep finding stuff in his room! Its always been pot and paraphernalia, but today...it's alcohol!!!! Finding pot is bad enough in my opinion, but I'm an alcoholic, I have 23 years of sobriety... I'm very strong in my beliefs in what I know to be true about addiction and alcoholism, but I can't seem to get through to him though. My heart is breaking! I know ultimately there's nothing I can do or say that will turn him around if he wants to get loaded.. I've been loving and supportive. He doesn't get in trouble.. Aside from partying (that he thinks I don't know about) he doesn't cause problems and is such a sweet kids! I know he's got to make these choices on his own and I just have to watch it happen and let him make his messes and not enable him.But I feel so betrayed, upset, hurt,and scared for him and for myself! Now he's bringing alcohol into my home!!! MY safe space!!! I'm not going to relapse but this is just messing with me so much I can't watch him do this!
We hurt our families first, I know that. I know I did. This is two of my sons that have developed a problem my oldest is finally got his life together and now I'm watching my baby go through this!! We have alcoholism running rampant in both sides of our families!!! MY heart is hurting
Have you sat down with him and discussed the dangers of him using with there being a family tendency to struggle with addiction? Here is a good resource for facts concerning addiction
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/alcoholism-treatment/symptoms-and-signs/hereditary-or-genetic
Perhaps have any close family who are in recovery stage an intervention.
You may want to stress that children with parents who suffer addiction are 4 times more likely to do the same
Of course I have! I have talked with him extensively on more occasions than I can count throughout his whole life he knows our whole family history from his papa to my dad to his brother to his cousin's you name it!!
That was always one of my biggest complaints as a kid is no one ever talked to me! My parents never ever tried to sit down and talk to me or with me or listen to me! Mistakes I refuse to make with my kid!
Have you tried taking him with you to recovery outings or even meetings? I use to take my kids all the time while growing up. So far so good.
I have many times...he doesn't care right now but still trying to lie as if he does. Ty for this tho Steve! This one is just hitting me so differently then my oldest. Probably cuz he's my baby!
Yeah I have a few times...he even follows a few guys on Instagram and tiktok that are in recovery and tell their stories and put up videos everyday.
I guess I just needed to talk about it. Ultimately, as I Saud in my post...there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. We all know that if a kid wants to get loaded he will. It's just so extremely painful to watch because all I can do is just be there without enabling
I don’t know how to reply really:man_shrugging:t3: I have two sons, 22 & 28. Both are great young men. Both smokes some weed a little in high school and drank a little. Youngest still smokes a little weed but no drinking issues. Oldest only socially drinks today. I was a functioning alcoholic there whole school days. But back to you… neither would have disrespected me like that! By having that in their room! If I would have found that at your sons age I probably would have taken it as there way of asking for some kind of help and or attention from me! Good luck! 
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We can only control how we show up. Amor Fati
Indeed...this exactly how I'm taking it. And why I'm bringing it here.
Thank you guys!! This is perfect! I'm gonna take him to a meeting on the Saturday nights that I have him. Maybe it'll make more of an impact at this age. If nothing else, he'll have a head full of A.A. when he does use or drink and it won't be fun anymore!
Maybe an NA instead? Younger crowd usually.
Yeah it is, but I see alcohol and pot as problems for him now and later. And he's also always connected really well with older ppl. there are 15 and 18 yrs. between him and my older two and this kid can follow and carry a conversation with any adult.
Well been a long time since either one was 16 so can’t remember how things at home were then but I’d prob try to get involved more in their lives and see if they open up. Communication and unconditional non judge-mental love and understanding I guess. Sorry not much help:man_facepalming:t3:
Everybody else here is totally forgetting how to deal with a 16 year old. Y'all gotta step back and remember that taking him to meetings is going to have the exact opposite effect you intend it to have.
I’m sorry sandy, this sounds really tough. I heard someone say once that there are two types of people who grow up around alcoholism in their family.. one type says there’s no way I’m ever touching the stuff because I’ve seen what it can do. And the other type sees the same destruction but says I need to try that for myself. I think you’re doing a lot of amazing things for your son, talking to him about it and taking him to meetings, and when he gets to the point himself where he’s tried it enough and it’s time to stop he’ll know exactly where to go and who to talk to for support 
Definitely! We're pretty close and very open with each other! He always admits it but he doesn't think about where I come from and that I'm paying very close attention!
Yip, pretty funny them youngsters thinking their doing something new or something we hadn’t before:rofl:
Idk every kid is differen't. He's been open to the idea of recovery. I didn't respond to it but he actually follows a few guys on Insta and tiktok that are in recovery. But if you got somethin spill it!!
Thank you Leslie! This is exactly what I needed to hear!