Has anyone else done this without meetings or "working the steps"? I've been alcohol free for a year now without any of that, but every now and then I get the feeling 'maybe I should look into the steps'
(This is in NO way an endorsement for not doing them, or a knock on anyone that goes the traditional route. Everyone is different and all that. It's almost like survivors guilt in a way)
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Old timers in AA refer to that as "white knuckling" and they feel it's only a matter of time before you "go back out" and start again. I think in large part this is true. The programs are great, and they deal with more than just not drinking even though the most basic part of it is "don't drink". It helps to set boundaries and clear away past life wreckage. Who couldn't use some of that? I am going on just under 4 months and I am glad to be in a program. I take what I want and leave the rest and it really feels good. Give it a try and a chance.
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B-rye I really like your honesty. My best friend and I use to drink hard together and we’ve done it all with other substances as they say. He’s against drinking but drinks every now and then. I don’t how he does that. I can’t, I love AA, and it’s the only way that works for me. Sometimes when people get a lot of sobriety time in AA they get cocky, I did the same thing and lost 7 years of sobriety. You are not alone in your story, a guy in my home group stayed sober 16 years on his own, was not very happy, but eventually bottomed out drinking. The AA book clearly says that AA is about giving “suggestions” and AA says we only know but a little. If you are truly an alcoholic and you read the first 164 pages it will blow your mind 
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The AA program is what is says in the first 164 pages, we have to keep going back to the book as the message gets tainted
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I have done it with the help of Jesus Christ and counseling
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Yes I have
Hi I have been sober for 21 months. I have an amazing recovery team. I do go to zoom meetings but I have not found a sponsor or formally started the steps. I have talked to my counselor and recovery team and was told to take my time that some steps are done everyday. I know I would love to meet a good sponsor so I know it will happen when the time is right I do go to step meetings and big book study.
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I’ve been sober for 2 years. I went to like 2 AA meetings almost 12 years ago, and they didn’t do anything for me. Not knocking them for those who it helps, but it wasn’t for me. I used other methods, there are many, for sobriety and it’s worked for me for 2 years now with no difficulty. Recovery is individual to each person, what works for one may not work for another.
Sobriety and recovery are two different things. Sober means not consuming alcohol, which was the solution, not the problem. Taking away the alcohol still leaves the problem which is why we refer to some as “dry drunks”. Recovery means discovering the reasons why and doing the work on yourself to resolve the problem. For that a 12 step program helps. You can do similar personal work in other ways like therapy or church but I have found the 12 steps to be the best way for me and has the perks of community of others who are doing the work too
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I have been sober 11 months. I did not do AA or work “the steps.” I looked into that particular program, but it wasn’t what I was looking for. I worked an Intensive Outpatient Program for 8 weeks, and now I virtually attend a weekly meeting for those in my particular career field. I’m doing great and couldn’t have asked for a better experience and support group while getting my feet back on sober ground.
You just have to find a good fit for what you need. I would not have done well in a program that even comes close to talking about God or surrendering to a higher power. That’s just me. However, AA worked wonders for my brother, and we both have the same current mindset, share the same religious past and experiences in a borderline cultish church during college. Go figure. Haha.
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I could not have said it better myself. Addressing only the drinking is like putting a band-aid on the problem. Eventually, that band-aid comes off and the wound is still there. You have to address the wound and let the wound heal. By doing so, you won't end up needing the band-aid at all.
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3 years sober today, and I have never been to a single meeting. Right after I got sober, we got stationed overseas and then covid, meetings weren’t even an option. Luckily I had the support of my husband and pure will power to live and get better. I will say though, I have been thinking a lot lately about going to meetings, mainly after finding this app. Even though I’ve done it alone, I think support from others would be great
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I did the steps and they were helpful but I don’t know if I’ll do it again. I like the sober network now
Yes! I tried AA back in 2018 and only lasted 4 months. I also grew up going to AA meetings with both my parents, and had to go to Al-Anon support groups as a teenager. I’m not knocking AA- it’s worked for my dad. He’s been sober around 30 years. But it has not worked for my mom- she has only ever been sober a full year once in my life (I’m 32). I have personally found that AA perpetuates a culture of shame in addiction. I don’t like introducing myself as an alcoholic before all else, because there’s more to me than that. And in my experience, a lot of folks talk about the downsides of their recovery journey instead of the positives. A few things that have helped me get sober (and stay sober- for a year in September):
Bloom cognitive behavioral therapy app. It’s $60/year for guided CBT sessions and is a great alternative if talk therapy isn’t affordable for you.
Bubbly waters and hot tea (bourbon was my go-to drink, so I would drink bitter herbal teas as a substitute).
Naltrexone: free with most insurance. It turns off the dopamine reaction when you think about alcohol. That was the hardest part about getting sober at first- ignoring the dopamine hit I’d get when I thought about alcohol.
There are some somewhat affordable recovery programs out there, like Monument. That’s how I first tried naltrexone- it was prescribed to me through their program. There’s also a ton of positive sobriety pages to follow on Instagram. Just search #sober #soberjourney #sobriety #recovery #recoveryjourney and/or similar hashtags
(Sober) Cheers!
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I'm doing it without the steps. A little over 100 days sober. I've been to a couple of meetings locally, and the people there were very cultish. Not my bag. You definitely need support, but there's a lot of other options.
People in the AA program will say "Without us, it's only a matter of time before you relapse." People in the program relapse all of the time. Success rate is like 5-10%.
Almost every program has a pretty low success rate. I know this won't be a popular opinion, but I feel it's more of a matter of aberrant behavior and poor impulse control than it is a disease. At least, this is the case with me.
If you keep relapsing, look into different programs. Don't let AA zealots convince you that they're the only thing that works. People can tell you what worked for them, but it's your sobriety. Just like anything in life, do what works for you, and get rid of what doesn't.
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Yeah, sane thoughts mostly. I've never relapsed, it just stuck and made sense at this time in my life. Dunno, maybe I'm the exception to the rule or whatever. I never really tried until a year ago. Maybe bc I was a late on life drinker; was just a normal beers on the weekends w the boys kind of dude until about 5 6 years ago. Maturity and serious things to lose were a factor for sure.
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Yeah, I'm 45 years old, and I was self-medicating for pretty much my entire adult life with some sort of substance. This is my first true effort at sobriety, and things are going well so far.
Maybe I'm not an alcoholic, but I just needed therapy and medication for my depression and anxiety? From all of my recent connections with other "addicts", there seems to be a common thread of untreated mental illness in most.
I guess it doesn't matter how or why you get better, just that you do. Some people can drink or use drugs casually, but some can't.
I hear ya, but I knew (know) the reason for why i went down that path. For me it was an abusive relationship the likes of which are too long to mention here. I guess for me sobriety was day one and recovery started on day 2, if that makes sense. If it doesn't, then just lie and tell me it does. Wouldn't be the worst lie a woman told me. 
Oh my, all these beautiful women talking about pulling off my band aid - are you guys flirting w me!?!?!
But srsly, thanks for the feedback and thoughts. Cheers.
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D@mn, 16 years and crashed? That's terrible. He must have felt awful.
Thanks for the req on <164. I'll check it out.