Has anyone else found dating (or trying to) incredibly difficult since choosing self advocacy and recovery over societal expectations and others comfort?
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Yuuup
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Okay so then itās not just meā¦
Dating is hard for me as is because I prefer to be friends with a person before diving head first into anything but everybodyās moving so fast that they donāt allow time to actually know the person, then they feel as if substances are the only way they can āhave funā which is a complete turn off, not even because Iām sober.
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I've just straight given up for the moment. Lol. I have the same sort of slow pace you do. Everybody is in such a rush.
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Yeah no its not a lot of people in recovery have to go through it on some level, i mean i wasnt doin great before recovery either but now im just like way too self conscious and even when women are interested in me i just donāt know what to do with it cause im just like ..you probably drink. You probably like to go out and party. Whats the point of me even pursuing this I need an adult 
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Relationships can be difficult. Being sober is no different. In sobriety, we simply no longer have the booze and drugs to hide behind. Dealing with relationships sober takes some getting used to, but I wouldnāt want it any other way today.
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I wouldnāt say Iāve given up but I definitely donāt blame you. My ātalking stageā went from 2-4 months to 7-8 after having to take legal against my ex/assailant. Then, it went from 7-8mp to 1 y/1y +7mo because the guy I was talking months after didnāt respect me enough to say he didnāt want a relationship, he just wanted someone to do relationship stuff with (which is weird to me). If itās anything I recommend (and personally follow), itās being friends before lovers, and Iām definitely running at the first red flag.
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Heavy on this! And at this point, I refuse to even BEFRIEND anyone who isnāt advocating better for themselves as a precautionary method to my own recovery because I donāt have the patience or energy to entertain/be associated with people willingly poisoning themselves. Like if they wanna smoke and drink, thatās their life, more power to them and I wonāt judge them for it, but itās not anything I wanna surround myself with
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Sobriety from substances aside, unhealed trauma and refusal to advocate for themselves is another thing thatās turning me off from dating.
As my sponsor used to say, some of us are sicker than others.
Also, I agree that communication is critical to any worthwhile relationship. All I know is that sobriety has to come first for me. Only when my own house is in order can I be a solid partner.
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My goodness YES . It's ... So different .and not in a good way . It's very difficult .
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I feel this. It's very difficult and frustrating. In recovery, I try to be an honest and open person. Dating is so full of dishonesty, games, manipulation, power struggles... All the things I am avoiding in my life.
I just put an intention into the Universe for the right person at the right time. In the meantime, I'm working on my self care and improvement... And zero tolerance for B.S.
Good luck.
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I am embracing the alone too! I can't seem to figure out several parts of relationships that I thought I had already solved. So wrong.
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Itās needlessly difficult, thatās why Iām just vibing by myself until either something comes along and surprises me or if I give in to insanity and adopt all of my neighbourhood catsš
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You literally just hit the nail right on the head for me and why Iām not actively looking to date, but am not opposed to if something gradually happens. Good riddance, super heavy on the self advocacy and improvement until further notice. Best of luck to you as well (if itās something you even wanna be bothered with at this pointš)
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In my experience, the best situations present themselves when I'm not looking and I am in a place of acceptance and freedom within myself. I need to remember, that is the goal.
Yes trying to date kinda sucks. 
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Sure. I think it is normal. We don't socialize in the same circles or even in the same way to at least a point. Expectations have been said to be the ruin of any relationship and one's comfort is one's comfort, another's is up to us to respect or ignore.
I am in a lot less of a hurry to be in a relationship now that I have spent t a while sober and honestly a lot of it comes down to confidence. I am happier with who I am and less willing to overlook another's baggage whether they call it comfortable or not. Patience has finally become patient with me and I am good with that till the day I doe if that's what it comes down to. Hope something g said helps.
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My thoughts as well. Socializing in general can be a little tricky at times but our guard is not so easily dropped which is a good thing. I know myself, my relationships going forward will reflect the progress I have and continue to make, plain and simple, as few or many they may be.
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I agree with you, I canāt seem to find anyone at all, relationship or even friendship, where the other person doesnāt drink or smoke weed. It seems near impossible. They just donāt understand what itās like and I canāt find a single person to befriend that doesnāt use or drink. Itās really sad honestly. Iām sober, but Iāve never felt more lonely in my life
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