Hello Everyone!
I'm new to this app and this is my very first post. I'm a closet alcoholic and have been struggling bad lately with my binge drinking. I feel so ashamed about the lack of control I have. I want to be alcohol free, I really want this for myself so I'm going to try again to stop. 4 months ago I went 3 weeks without a drop, and I couldn't even tell you how many years it has been since I went that long. Probably 20 years. Maybe longer. I'm not even sure, but I'm at my breaking point and want to live a sober life, for myself, and for my health. I'm so desperate to make this stick that I even performed an unbinding "ritual" earlier this afternoon that I found on youtube. Yeah I actually just admitted that lol... The intention is absolutely there, so now I need to figure out just what motivates this horrific habit of mine. Is it my fear of boredom? My loneliness? Genetics, childhood trauma? Probably all of the above but I think I'm ready to really do this. I've tried meetings and outpatient treatment several times years ago but I just went right back to drinking. I know I should try the meetings again, but my social anxiety gets in the way of that, so I figured I'd give this community a chance and make posts when I get the urge to slip up. Even if I'm just typing to the wind, I'll at least feel like I can redirect my thoughts in a more positive direction rather than giving into my demons. So here goes! DAY 1
You have come to the right place, Jessica. We are here to help you along your journey
Thank you, George! I appreciate the support 
Hit me up if you need to chat
I absolutely will! Can I add you as a friend?
Oh, you've got the mindset to beat this thing! Good on you! Unbinding, lol geez. If it helps us turn a page..
I sure hope so, Jay and thank you for the support!
Maybe I should have left that part out 
Hi, Christine! Thank you for the warm welcome and supportive advice. I will make that my mantra–minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day!
Jessica, you too, are worth it. Focus, keep a journal, reach out for help here, and coffee. Always remember coffee. Decaf is my evening friend.
It's been a while since I've had coffee, but I probably should make that my new best friend lol and lots of flavored Seltzer 
Thank you for the support, James 
You got this !!! It definitely gets better!!!
You can do this, reach out to someone when you need to and even if you don't need it. It does help, people will understand and help
You should not feel ashamed or embarrassed at any time. Everyone here is going through the same thing. I do great for 2 or 3 days. Sometimes I mess up really bad. Sometimes I have two or three drinks.
I think I can get to a point to where I can just socially drink. But after a couple I cannot stop. My problem is I am very functional while I'm drinking.
Welcome.
Distractions are key. Anything you remotely enjoy to mitigate cravings. I found making a list even of the most mundane things you need to do in a day to keep you focused on that instead of cravings: from brushing your teeth to checking the mail to taking a walk. You're at the right place . I'm here too if you need any support or advice. One Day at a time.
Thank you, Sher! I am hopeful
You're halfway there! Day One instead of One Day... you're not in this alone, we are here for you when you feel slippage! REALLY focus on the whys you wanna be sober. It's time for you to knock out your demons! 
Even when I don't need it. You're absolutely right! And I will. I'm slowly learning how to ask for help without fear of judgment. I'm a work in progress 
That's exactly my problem, too, Frank. I can go days without alcohol and be fine. Then I tell myself I can handle a few. I start out slow, and then a few days later, I'm blacking out again 
Once I have 1 drink I just want another and then another. I basically go on autopilot. I know I can't keep alcohol in the house so I'd keep it in the car and only take a few inside just so I don't tear through the entire case. And some times I'd say screw this I'm walking down the street to go get a few more. So I know I just can't have any!
Take it one step at a time
So I go on Thursday nights to my church’s celebrate recovery Its been really helpful. When I got that 1st blue chip I cried. Ive seen 2 people in my group get help.