I have a question for everyone please don’t judge.
How do you deal with an addiction that you keep fighting so hard to get over but you just keep getting back to it?
Have you tried attending AA or NA meetings? You will find the solution there if you work the program.
Just what Luis said, find a program, work it, and find a sponsor and once you get in the program all your answers will be in that big book they have. You will understand once you attend one. Trust me..
Go to meetings and find a sponsor
Meetings are the key trust me 
Don’t fight it alone you will fall every time. It takes a village to keep me clean.
I agree with Luis & Kelly - find meetings, get a sponsor- you gotta work the program ( not for everyone else - for YOU!) hugs.
No judgement here, it’s called being an addict. You wouldn’t be an addict if you didn’t keep going back. Being around other recovering addicts continuously in the beginning was the best way to stay away for me. It’s the hardest thing to do but it will get better if you stay around some addicts with some sobriety.
Keep going back to meetings. Or start. Even if you don’t know what you’re hearing. Something will stick. Get a sponsor. And want it. Be willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober.
Get in a program. You don't have to do it alone/
The program, the steps, a sponsor I can tell you if you do these things you will get a miracle I am almost 4 years and I do not fight my addiction anymore I don’t have obsession and compulsion for it my solution is not to use or drink it does get better but you have to work the program this miracle can only happen in surrender and you gotta get a relationship with anything not worldly bigger than you to help you.
One of the best things that I learned at rehab is “play the tape forward” when I’m wanting to use. So I don’t just thing of the initial relief but I think of how I will feel in a few hours, days, what the consequences will be and to also think of how I felt at my lowest before I went to rehab. Those things have really helped me get through some tough times this year. It isn’t easy but it has been so worth it to stay sober the last six months. It gets easier. I think quitting is much harder than staying sober now.
Do you have any suggestions?
I’m all new to this and I don’t think I know what program I would fit into.
It’s incredibly difficult - I find the worst is first week - sleep sucks - talk to your doc - can prescribe benzodiazepines to get you thru the worst - but ya gotta want to get dry and get thru the week.
Everyone at AA is incredibly supportive, in my experience- you got to want it - then say the 3 hardest words - I need help.
One thing I’ve learned from going to multiple AA meetings - there’s no judgement - they’ll share their experiences - and won’t judge you - in my experience - but in their stories? I heard so many similarities- ignore the differences - listen for similarities- I always found the similarities- made grown man cry.
I tried to quit alone any I couldn't do it. I went to a 30-day rehab, then to sober living. The people I've met are amazing and are the key to my success. When others others share their stories, it helps me know I'm not alone. I'm not the only one. Neither are you. You're not alone. Asking for help is a very hard thing to do, but there are tons of us out there who are willing to be there for you.
Thank you
Big thanks to everyone
I would be happy to attend a Zoom meeting together. Just let me know if you want to.