Hot AA Topic: Chapter to the Wives

Recovery
#1

Let’s just say there was a “heated” Book Study meeting recently in our group. I, many other women, and some men I know in the program have issues with how the wife/husband of an alcoholic is supposed to be some kind of saint doormat and subject her/himself and the kids to any and all of the continued destruction for as long as it takes (maybe forever) for the alcoholic to choose to stay sober. Don’t question him. Don’t interfere with him and the children. Don’t bring up the past. Don’t bring up the present. Don’t bring up the future Bc: He might not like that and will probably go drink again.

I stand behind women who choose to stand up and leave emotionally unhealthy and abusive relationships for themselves and their children. This isn’t the 1940’s.

An old timer in our group who led the next meeting decided to lecture us. He offended people and intimidated them. Uhh, this group has no leaders. Only trusted servants. If you love the program that much you know that being a man or having many years doesn’t give you more authority over the group. Our loving God expressed himself in our group consciousness and you didn’t like that it didn’t go your way.

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#2

It’s not easy being with someone that’s in recovery and by all means they should do what’s best for them if that means leaving the person in recovery…

#3

I wish I was there to debate him!

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#4

Bill W wrote it himself. He pretended to be his own wife and wouldn’t let her write the chapter, or “To the Family Afterward”

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#5

In fact, Bill W thought of his wife “like a mother” and used that excuse to cheat on her with much younger, vulnerable women coming in.

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#6

The women who did write chapters also didn’t get paid to do so although they were promised royalties from book sales… Bill put the copyright in his name only.

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#7

Exactly why I stopped attending AA.

#8

Ewww that sucks

#9

We could rip apart and over analyze everything in the BB. So what if AA was started by privileged chauvinistic white men in the 1930’s. Bottom line, The AA program works for the people wanting to work it. These men were human and flawed just like everyone on this app. Get over yourself. If you don’t want to participate in AA, then don’t. But don’t try and discourage others who are looking for help. AA may not have saved your life, but it sure did save mine and many others. Remember….Principles before personalities and keep coming back…lol

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#10

Sounds like: Definition of a cult: a group or movement held together by a shared commitment to a leader or ideology. It has a belief system that has answers to all of life’s questions and offers a special solution to be gained only by following the leaders rules.

#11

I hate that chapter and if I know that’s going to be the topic I choose a different meeting. AA is so very flawed, and when people deny those flaws or rationalize them, it drives me nuts.

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#12

I never said I was against AA. I attend meetings daily. I just disagree with the Big Book being absolute. Like you said it was written by a flawed man with limited perspective

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#13

I don’t see anywhere in AA literature that it says we should remain with someone who is abusive and drunk. Not being able to control other people is discussed, and accurate. There are many things/actions I find unacceptable. Acceptance is not always the answer.
Remember that we’re all just humans trying to do our best. Nobody gets it right every time.

#14

You kinda just like to stifle all dissent towards AA without any open-mindedness on your end. We who have been trying this program for so long without much success aren't to be victim blamed by you: we're the ones who have been told not to question anything that seems off, an eternal open mind. I've sat down and shut up for long enough. AA doesn't run this app, and neither do you.

#15

So it's really time for you to get over yourself. I think you need a serious ego check

#16

Matt, it says it in To Wives

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#17

Wow! Here I am again commenting on one of your threads. This is JUST my opinion. I’m NOT out to offend anyone, or do ANY disservice to AA. Firstly, good on you, Aimee, for bringing up the Traditions! You’re spot on. Next, unfortunately, there will ALWAYS be someone with many years sober who will wear it like “a general’s rank.” There are NO “big I’s and little yous.” Everyone is important around here. That’s what I was taught. The last thing is that a friend and I were reading from the Big Book the other day and I was telling him that I thought that some of the language used sounded a little bit “dated” here in the 21st Century. And what you’re talking about is exactly what I mean. Now my friend and I are both recovering addicts. We work the Narcotics Anonymous program. Again, I am NOT dissing AA. Millions of people have recovered in AA. Many millions, in fact. I was just comparing literature from both the Fellowships. I find that the STYLE of NA’s literature is a timeless and fits today’s world better. Notice that I said the STYLE, not the MESSAGE. AA’s message is still timeless. Just sharing my opinion. Thanks.

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#18

I avoid meetings like this and people like this in AA. The groups I belong to are so much more in touch with the times we live in.

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#19

Whatever excuse it takes

#20

You can and should support a loved one but never especially at your own survival. That is not healthy on any level.

1 Like