I am jealous of those of you find AA helpful. It’s so easy to find a meeting and they’re everywhere near me. I just have tried to go to a few different kinds and it just never works out? I went to one that was heavily into “the book”. I bought the book, did the weekly readings and found my eyes glazing over and then when we’d discuss it, everyone seemed to have their own interpretation. Not helpful. Then I went to another one that was less formal and I was obviously the new kid and it took all my guts to just go….I’m not going to stand up and introduce myself no matter how much you look at me. Not helpful. Then I went to one that was huge and it was okay but I was at the point where I needed a sponsor and I asked someone and she said she was currently overbooked. Not helpful. I don’t know. I guess at least I can say when I’m in a meeting those would be minutes I wouldn’t be drinking? But I always feel extremely uncomfortable. I feel like I’m at a place I shouldn’t be. Shouldn’t a newbie feel overwhelming welcomed as they first start? None of them have been like that. Thanks if you read this far.
I would suggest finding a women’s meeting. Sometimes the really big meetings can be a bit overwhelming. I am not a huge reader, so the book didn’t work for me. The “not gonna stand and introduce” yourself… you get what you put into meetings. It may not be the most comfortable for you but it is a part of getting out of your own head. The same with sharing, if you engage with the people there, they will give back the same energy. The woman you asked who said she was over booked… that happens. Ask someone else. Gotta keep trying. It’s not luck that makes AA work. It is the desire to stop drinking and doing anything to maintain sobriety. I hope you find something that works for you. I truly do.
AA isnt for everyone, especially if youre not into "spiritual" intervention. I went once and knew it wasent for me. There is no one way to quit. I was told by many doctors I would relapse within a day if i didnt go to 90 day treatment immediately. My goal was to prove them wrong. Im still at the beginning, but so far so good. I personally find this app more helpful than a meeting because there are a lot of different views and stories.
You’re right. I’m just surprised it isn’t more welcoming to new comers because they must know that for some of us, it’s taking everything we have to just try it. I would have trouble standing up and introducing myself on a good year…..never mind one where I’m trying to put myself back together.
It’s really too bad, I’m sorry. If someone shows up new to our little group they are welcomed and encouraged as much as they feel comfortable with. My relationship with AA is a bit different. I quit alone during COVID and was clean/sober for six months (but very unhappy) before I went to my first meeting. I’ve never had a sponsor or formally worked the steps, I go for the fellowship. It’s sounds like that’s what you need, the advice above about a women’s group is good.
My goal to prove people wrong is what got me six months without a group. But i don’t really feel like I started to heal until I got into a fellowship. You are right, there’s not one way. This app helps me too, but the group is priceless.
Sure they know it’s tough. If you have been at the tables for a while you can spot a new comer from a mile away. But like I said you are going to get the same energy you put out. I know it can be terrifying to speak in front of a group of people you don’t know. The thing is everyone sitting in that room has been where you are. That room you will get no judgment. That is probably the safest place to talk that you will ever get. Again I wish you luck! I hope you find the peace and serenity you deserve.
Yeah. Then it’s not for me. Not everyone goes alone so not everyone there knows what it feels like. I was just wondering why they were all misses and no hits. Thanks for the advice.
Definitely some sort of in person social support is helpful and helps fill a void many of us probably have. Im not dissing AA since it has helped many, but some just dont like their approach.
I don’t even mind the higher power stuff. I have no problem asking my version of God for direction or being spiritual. It’s just been such odd experiences for me and if I’m honest, I always leave feeling incomplete and that I didn’t do something right. And we all know what that can lead to. So I just never understood the success for others. I guess if you are already outgoing and have thick skin, I can see it working. It’s too bad there isn’t more of a process to help new members.
Try NA. Less regimented and more laid back. Alcohol is also a drug you know. Younger crowd usually also. Or even that smart thingy.
Try Celebrate Recovery
That makes sense, it does seem it would work better for extroverts. Find something that works for you and makes u feel comfortable. Im sure many on here are willing to talk if you reach out(ya its not the same as in person) but its a start, and the worst that can happen is you get no response from a stranger🤷♂️
I'm so sorry you experienced AA that way. It just wasn't that way for me. I was surrounded by love and compassion when I walked into the rooms. I mean, I was so broken and defeated as a human being I sat in the back and pretty much cried my whole first meeting. Lol. Like someone else mentioned above maybe try a woman's meeting. Woman's and men's meetings tend to be a little smaller and easier to be open & honest. At least that's been my experience. Good luck on this journey! I hope you find what you're looking for! 
Hey Melanie, you're describing the group I go to. If you like the atmosphere of the group go there. It's a give and take in the beginning. You are shy and reserved and they don't want to scare you away. I would go back to the o e you liked the most a d gove it a few meetings it really does help. Best of luck. Reach out anytime
Hi Melanie: Personally, I go to NA meetings. Here in New York, we really focus on newcomers. In your case, we would get you a list of women's phone numbers. You'd have to call them. It takes time to find a sponsor. It takes time to find the right meeting(s). I've built myself a network of friends in recovery and meetings that I like along with a great sponsor. Yes, it took time and effort but my recovery is priceless and I'm actually living today, instead of surviving. Keep trying!! You're worth it!
I’ve never been a real social person. I was never even a social drinker! I usually drank alone. So the thought of going to meetings mildly terrifies me. I did it mostly alone. I had a buddy who I could call to talk to who chose to start drinking again. So I did it alone. 12 years. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, but I did it. I still get temptation and I may someday reach out to a group, so I would never write it off.
I couldn’t agree more! AA was not my thing and they told me if I didn’t follow the steps I’d be drunk again. Just hit two years and did it my way 
I’m blessed to have so many meeting options in my community. I go to 6 different meetings depending on my schedule.
There’s some I absolutely loathe. I go to those meetings from time to time if another person invites me. My first home group was a toxic mess of gossiping men that like being part of a machismo gun club. Felt like a high school locker room.
I didn’t go back. I think meetings, like sponsors, are like shoes. Try one on until it fits.
I committed to 90 meetings in 90 days and followed the recommendation of my VA therapist, “share at every meeting for 90 days; even if all your sharing is gratitude”.
I was a cagey anti social toxic mess. It took around the 45 day mark for me to appreciate the meetings. I go regularly now and started chairing a meeting recently. I try to implement the things I appreciated about meetings early on.
If your group wasn’t inviting or welcoming keep going to other meetings that seem more compassionate.
I haven’t read the book from cover to cover. By definition it’s a text book. I’ve never read a text book cover to cover. I listen to the references and readings that are shared and I research them more if I feel inclined. If I like a reading I dog ear it and read it as often as possible.
As for sponsorship I’m not aware of there being a specific time that one must get a sponsor. In fact I don’t think the word sponsor is even used in the big book. I could be wrong.
In short my desire to stop drinking outweighed any criticism or irksome feeling I may have felt…to include having a man scream in my face while having a psychotic break from serenity and sanity.
No matter what you’re feeling just know that your worth the effort to stay sober no matter how you do it.
They have zoom meetings live on line. It’s kind of cool cause you can attend meetings different parts of the country