I have zero desire to be sober. I’d kill anyone on earth to have dope flowing through my veins right now. this is by force. I have nothing to live for. i’m only doing this for my partner of almost nine years. why can’t i just die, I’ve ODed six times why do I keep coming back? just let me die. I don’t want to hear any higher power bullshit either. 11 days, 5 hours, 35 minutes, 22 seconds… I stayed sober for two months last year and still felt like absolute garbage. Also this app is ridiculous that I can’t curse.
8 Likes
I can’t drink because my liver is failing, and it will kill me. Not because of twelve years of bad decisions, two DUIs, failed relationships, balding, weight and health issues, losing all my money, my dad, mom, or brother and sister. No, no one or anything can make me not drink. I’m the only thing that keeps me sober.
You have to want to be sober.
3 Likes
i wish i did. but i don’t.
1 Like
I’ll bs aside I respect the heck out of it at least you’re being honest I don’t know if it’s a cry for help but what I do respect is the fact that you own up to it you know you want that either you want to try to stop it or you just don’t want to stop maybe you feel like you have no reason to stop or even if you did your best in good enough So why stop at all
1 Like
I’ve been a junkie for 20 years and they clean off the needle for a year every labs and snorted the two or three times in the past year and when things are in chaos I look for that comfort in the shot but the same comfort can come from somewhere else question is whether or not we want to allow it to
3 Likes
If you don't wanna be clean and sober, why are you on this app? That's what everyone here is trying to get/stay. Maybe consider thinking more positive, getting your a$$ to rehab/IOP/NA meetings. You have to want it. Turn your will over to a program, and start doing something different, because what you've been doing isn't working out. This is how it has to be, if you want to get clean and stay clean. It's tough, but it's a hard fact.
2 Likes
i’m here because i’m trying. none of the programs i have tried are anything i could legitimately believe in, id just be lying to myself. i don’t believe in any higher power. i’m in a bad housing situation so i can’t disappear to a rehab for a few months. i barely wanna be alive.
I'm an atheist. A Dilaudid/heroin addicted alcoholic. AA is working for me. Forget the higher power in terms of "god" or whatever. Think of it as something different you haven't tried. You've been doing it your way all your life and now your here. Tine to really try. It's right there you just have to take it. The people are what make the programs. Go to secular meetings instead. I do. What programs have you tried?
2 Likes
i’ll try. AA and NA.
2 Likes
Look, when I got here I fücking hated it. I thought these people were retarded cult members. All their praying and bullshìt drove me crazy. And guess what? It still does. BUT, I stuck it out, I have an awesome sponsor. These people care about you. AA is like ice cream. Everyone likes ice cream, but not everyone likes the same flavor. Try the different flavors (meetings) until you find one you can tolerate. Be cool. The people will embrace you and you will embrace the corniness because you will realize that it's much better than where you are now. Find a women's meeting. The women of NA/AA are amazing. You will have an instant family of women who want you to succeed. Don't trip on the details. Just get clean/sober and figure out the rest as you go.
I am only speaking from my experience, as a hardcore bástard who had nothing but contempt, without prior investigation.
5 Likes
i’ll definitely try that. cos the first stuff you said is exactly how i feel right now lol
3 Likes
At least do it for your cat.
2 Likes
My sponsor and I have this thing we say to eachother. "Pancakes". Why pancakes? When I got here, and met him, he took me out to breakfast and told me his story. He shot up first time in 1969 when he was 16. In 1976 he got clean and started drinking out of control. Lots of jail time/drama/ etc etc and in 85 got sober. A lot of hard work and the people of AA got him to the point where now his toughest choice is what kind of pancakes he's gonna have for breakfast. Life is tough, but we don't have to make it worse. You're at the beginning, so it seems mountainous. Don't trip, hang in there. Pancakes.
4 Likes
I’m sorry you’re in pain.
1 Like
Please read/listen to The Naked Mind book.
1 Like
Is the high worth the sickness? I’ve never tried drugs really beyond weed and psychedelics. I’ve seen people I love who keep using because anything is better than the sickness.
I detoxed from alcohol. It’s all I have to compare. It was miserable. I knew I could feel better by drinking but I also knew deep down that the withdrawal was temporary. And it was.
Once I got that part behind me I could start fixing the stuff I’d been using whiskey to hide from.
I’m not religious. The only thing I know for 100% sure about god is that I’m not him. I go to meetings because the people there are the power greater than myself. Because alone I’m Craig the miserable drunk unemployable deadbeat who goes to jail and sees no reason to keep going. But with them my life is way better than I ever thought it would be.
2 Likes
I threw away my pipe today I didn't even scrap the neck out I dumped it happy as putting all my cards on this higher power of mine!!! ? Since last night Anger !! Anger!!! No relief from so much anger I have inside. And right now I'm crying...I have no one I can turn to for a hug or support I managed to offend every body I know I guess in my addiction. I think they all hung around waiting patiently for death to take me and now that I'm in recovery they still ain't made an effort to reach out. Am I that bad of a person no one wants me t o do good? I'm semi suicidal atm
1 Like
No! It’s a test of faith for triumph! Fight for your life back one day at a time! Earn back trust and slowly respect will follow! Each day find what can held the happy healthy thoughts and choices… then them happy healthy people will come back around!!
1 Like
This. Same. I just found out last month I don’t need a liver transplant. That’s no reason to go back. Ever.
3 Likes
Seriously, why is she on this app? She is being honest and needed to get how she feels out. Horrible thing to say.
2 Likes