I grew up Mormon, and I feel like the religious trauma of that experience has made “not-drinking” feel very uncomfortable. It’s like- being mistaken for Mormon creates a panic. While I do want to be mostly-sober, because for me drinking hasn’t create serious issues in my life. I feel bored, uninspired, and held back by alcohol. I find myself, holding a cocktail on days I didn’t actually want to drink in order to relieve the that religious trigger. I tend to nurse the single cocktail-but I feel like that is still holding me back. Does anyone have any experience in how to break that religious issue of being sober or mostly-sober down?
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I think I understand what you’re saying. You’re trying to find support and recovery from the Mormon indoctrination and you don’t want alcohol to be your “go to”?
I am a conservative evangelical, for total transparency sake. I was raised in the church my grandparents built. I am 5th generation in the denomination that I was raised in. Again for transparency sake.
I find far to often the stigma that we hold from being seen as a "backslider" is more damaging to us than whatever was the reason someone might leave. It is kinda like some churches say premarital relations are a sin, so they that a child born out of wedlock as irredeemable. I am not entirely familiar with the Mormon faith but I am sure children raised in that faith have similar experiences. For some of us that means trauma.
This is how I deal with the fear of being stigmatized... I am aware that in my faith there are some stupid sects and some things that shouldn't go on. I am not however those people. I have to remind myself that though some of what I do is similar to them I am not them. It is kinda like the thing we tell children in Sunday school, "my parents can't live this for me." If you do things that a Mormon would do but are not Mormon and are not living it, who care what people say. To steal a quote, "what other people think of me is none of my business. "
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There is a TON of religious indoctrination here as well.
That being said, are you an alcoholic? If not, this might not be the place for you.
Nope I am not an alcoholic-but I do want to live a mostly-sober lifestyle.
Not wanting to be seen as Mormon, seems silly, but it’s like I don’t want to be associated with that group. And not drinking in Utah = your Mormon.
So I find myself ordering a cocktail just to virtue signal that I’m not a Mormon. It sounds so petty-but I think it’s a very real feeling of umcomfy panic for many who have left the church. And what I don’t like about that, is feeling like I have to drink. I have friends who feel the same way-and I was hopeful there was someone here who might have better advice on how to unpack this paradox that is seemingly silly but seeded in trauma.
Not quite, sorry there are quite a few typos in my original post haha.
It’s more like, not drinking in Utah means to most that you’re Mormon or maybe “kind of” Mormon. Many people here have a lot of trauma stemming from growing up Mormon-myself included (and many friends)
Ordering a glass of wine is a way to sort of virtue signal -I’m not Mormon. As petty as it is, I’ve actually had a lot of conversations with ex Mormons who feel similarly. Not wanting to appear Mormon or feel like you’re making a “Mormon” choice -because the indoctrination of the church tends to become pretty painful for people once they leave.
So it’s like this paradox- I want to lead a mostly sober lifestyle. But when I go out, I find myself having a drink out of this panic -but I’m not Mormon. If that makes sense? It’s funny my ex mormon friends have often felt the same-and it just makes being sober more complicated?
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I don't think this is your place then. I don't mean to seem like a jérk, but if you're trying to fix a problem you need the right tools. I don't think this is the right tool for you. PTSD is real though. So you should look into real therapy for that. It doesn't sound "petty" at all. Good luck, and be well.
Got ya! I appreciate your share. What a wild conception people have. I guess you could come up with a clothing line or something doctored to, “I’m no longer Mormon”. That’s Silly! I went to rehab in Utah, and I can definitely see what you mean. Seriously, I imagine there is a massive opportunity to be of service to others like yourself, such as a group of like minded people that meets weekly surrounding this ideology.
This is true. I think that’s what makes it seem so simple, or petty on the surface. Like of course we shouldn’t care what people think- but then when I really contemplate “why am I being so weird about this” I realize there is so much pain associated with my time as a Mormon that even the appearance of being a Mormon (saying “oh I don’t drink”) feels like I’m betraying myself.
Mormonism is really wrought with misogyny and in more conservative areas abuse of children, young girls, women is not uncommon. That along with the control, the conformity, and the psychological abuse the group inflicts on those who are different can be hard to move on from.
Likely need to unpack this in therapy! It’s interesting to me what working on living a mostly sober life has brought up.
Therapy may be a good choice. You will have to learn to reconcile the things that should not have happened with those things that you want to keep. There is a balance but it takes time to find it.
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It has been really weird to start seeing/understanding. And what was crazier is I brought it up to some friends and they were like “oh yeah -i feel that way too”
So it is a thing! Thank you! I think that’s a good idea to try and get a group going to try and understand this phenomenon a little better and try and help shed that skin!
Taylor this is a good place for anyone trying to navigate a sober life. We welcome people who are in recovery or just sober curious, just as we are open to people of all faiths or lack there of.
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Someone recently started a pickle ball group that functions well for organizing players and games. They used Groups.google.com that may be a useful tool for your vision. I support you. That could be awesome.
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Her issue isn't sobriety.
I too was in the Mormon church for a few years from age 18-21. Totally understand the want to distance yourself from that world. You’ll be good though. Simply recognizing that’s where the motivation for drinking lies is solid awareness💪🏻
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True 
Is she limiting he consumption? That means this app is for her.
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I will say- it is hard to find sober friends or become sober or mostly sober when the patterns in friend groups surround alcohol. So anything that offers support so that being around groups who still drink quite a bit is easier, finding likeminded people who value not drinking or doing drugs, or just learning about sobriety is awesome. It’s so fascinating as I’ve embarked on this journey, and gotten more interested in sobriety for the past few months I’ve seen how stigmatized being sober is. Even my own internalized stigma (as read here on this post)
I think people who want to be sober don’t even have to be addicts, or religious, or what have you! But I understand that for some addiction recovery is serious and a big challenge -so someone who isn’t necessarily needing recovery might not benefit as much. But I think exposure to sober living, support, and education regarding sober living is always a good thing. 
especially across groups
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You're stretching to make it all inclusive, which I would expect. I don't solve problems with feels.
Elizabeth: all christian religions are rooted in those things. "Obey your husband" etc. There are many people suffering fr PTSD from religion.
I couldn’t agree more that finding non drinking friends is tough. It is almost like you have to be part of a church sometimes. As the CEO of Loosid said, when he first got sober all there was for non drinkers was coffee shops. That is why he created our app. We have events and restaurants in our Boozeless guides that are sober friendly.
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