I just lost my husband four months ago and I have been struggling with my addiction crack cocaine l feel like I have been going very hard we're as to l don't care anymore l feel like lm so lost l don't know what to do just want my husband back and l know lm not going to get him back l need help
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Awww Stacy my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for your loss and pain . I know how it feels when I lost my husband, and my first reaction was to want to use and drink . I wanted to numb the pain , but using only was a temporary fix , so I didn’t use and i seeked professional help . I hope you can reach out to someone for support. whether it be family or a Church. which really was the most helpful thing for me. My prayers for you and my heart breaks for you, please reach out for help. 
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Stacey, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Losing your husband is a pain that shakes your entire world. Of course you feel lost. Of course you want him back. That kind of love doesn’t just disappear.
But using won’t bring him closer.. it will only pull you further away from yourself.
You are not weak for struggling. You are grieving. And grief can be overwhelming. But you deserve support through this, not self-destruction.
Please don’t carry this alone. Reach out for professional help, a grief counselor, a recovery program, someone safe. There are people who will sit in this pain with you so you don’t have to numb it.
You are still here. That means there is still hope. One small step today.. even just asking for help.. is enough. 
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Praying for you and all of us. I lost my hubby 3 mos ago and relapsed. Gutwrenching
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Praying for all of us:pray:Stacey are you thinking about rehab?
I went to 3 in person AA/CA/NA meetings daily until I felt healed. It really helped me.
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I felt the same way I finally realized I needed help more than AA could give me and did Grief Counseling. It helped tremendously.
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Thank you Danny that means alot to me l would not relapse l will be the strong person and l know l will get through this thanks to this program
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Thank you so much l know these are just my thoughts thinking out loud and I know my husband will want what's best for me and l will get some grief counseling right away
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I'm sorry for your loss and I know it's never easy losing someone you love and I know as an addict it's always easier to reach for your vice to numb the pain I wish I could help you out you need to find someone that you can cope to and someone to help you though this tough time in your life or just hit a bunch of meetings and put yourself around ppl who don't use well I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk I'm most definitely willing to take time to talk to help out someone in need timmy
I used to drink and drug. I got tired of. I neeled down and prayed to God. He is loving and just. I haven't drank or drugged since. That was 18+ years ago
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Stacey my name is Jim and I have to tell you your not alone.
See i say that cuz i actually lost my wife a little over 4 years ago after a very long hard fight with ALS. What a horrible way to watch your loved one go.
It was painful it was especially mentally hard knowing that the end result was going to be that I would watch my young beautiful wife who was only 48 years old suffocate to death.
See ALS is a disease that the best medical personal in the world still don't know much about. They don't know where it comes from. They don't know what causes it. They really don't know what can help it. There is nothing they can do to put the disease in remission like cancer. All they know is it will without a doubt eventually take your life. They have medications that MIGHT SLOW THE DISEASE DOWN , but it's a long shot as to whether or not it will work.
They do know that there is actually 2 types of ALS.
Type A and type B. One of them is a progressive type that actually cuts your life expectancy in half. How they know there's two types it's beyond me. Unfortunately my wife had to Progressive type and it took her very fast.
Here comes the sad part. I was 4 years sober when I met my wife. She was actually a friend of mine's sister. When my wife passed away I was 16 years sober and my wife was 12 years sober.
I was Absolutely devastated. My whole world as I know it came to a standstill. I watched my wife take her last breath which was the hardest thing I ever had to do with my life. I stopped going to meetings I was angry at God I was blaming everything and everybody for my wife's disease and her death. When I failed to do is what I learned early on and sobriety which is continue going to meetings and in fact go to more meetings when times are tough. A white knuckled it for tooth and nail for about a year and a half with no meetings no picking up the phone and probably only leaving my house a couple of times. I didn't do anything I can shower I barely eat and I Justified after all that time that I would just get her at once. What we all know how that works! It was a nightmare a disaster downright total life-changing game-changing humiliating event. My children no longer wanted to talk to me my family was very angry with me I had to speak to them again for almost 2 years. Having to put myself into a long-term facility so I didn't wind up dead that's exactly what I did. Being Sober again and now I have my family in my life my children my grandchildren and I once again have humility and I stand for what Integrity is.
So please Stacy for me for all those other people who spouses passed away before they should have or before we thought they should have before we wanted them to put yourself in treatment or meanings to whatever you got to do. Make your friend. I'm telling you I love you you're my friend and I believe in you I have faith in you and I know you can do this. So please pick up the phone go to a meeting call me if you need to. Here is my number 612-235-1819. You are my friend I care about you everyone on this site care about you and we all want you to be successful we all want you to overcome your addiction. All you need is a mustard seed size of Hope and you can be sober again. It is static is he I promise you.
Stacy may God hold you in the palm of his hands may he guide you may he protect you maybe he called you close feel safe may he lead you down the road of recovery of happy destinations and he for you from the bondage of yourself and allow it to be his will and not yours I asked this God in your name amen
God bless you Stacy you're a strong woman I know you are you could do this.
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Hugs for you. I would recommend treatment that also focuses on trauma. It worked for me after my run with crack. I was trying not to feel the internal pain after a divorce, so I understand
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When my Fiancé passed I went to work and Xanax’s around the clock. When I ran out opiates. We don’t want to feel. It’s been 5 years ago 2/13 and getting sober was hard. I learned to celebrate his life and the love we shared. One day at a time.
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I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your partner. That grief can be horrible and definitely a trigger. Maybe a grief counseling group could help. Sending lots of love and hope for peace in your heart. ❤️🩹
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Add me kim
I'm so sorry Love. I feel so much compassion for you. Especially because my greatest fear that I know is going to come true is to lose my own husband who is 18 years older and in bad health. I think about it everyday. We have a 12 year old and I wonder if when I lose him will I be able to keep it together to parent her. I try to think of ways to make my life better and to have more support. I think having more people to love in your life and to love u could be a big help. Just getting on here shows u are trying. I'm praying for u right now.
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Beautiful heartfelt words. I'm sitting here at my doctor's office waiting and I have tears in my eyes.
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Lim who
Stacey, I'm so sorry. I lost my wife almost 5 years ago now and I still have very public panic displays of grief. I have milliseconds of joy when I see a trinket she would love, like shes still here, only to be followed with the reality. When I'm fighting my addiction, my best anchor I have is that she wouldnt want this for me. All I can say is the pain never gets smaller, but the frequency you feel it lessens as you build new, happy moments. And by happy, i mean that happy will never be as happy as it was again, its a dull happy. But for now its better than despair. Wish you the best, feel free to add me as a friend. I just joined.
I did something similar. U have to grieve. Drug use just delays grieving. U have to deal with your feelings, it's rough but worth it.
Put away the drugs and deal with it and cry and you'll get better.
Sorry to hear that.
Get help , talk to a counselor or therapist.