I just lost my husband four months ago and I have been struggling with my addiction crack cocaine l feel like I have been going very hard we're as to l don't care anymore l feel like lm so lost l don't know what to do just want my husband back and l know lm not going to get him back l need help
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Awww Stacy my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry for your loss and pain . I know how it feels when I lost my husband, and my first reaction was to want to use and drink . I wanted to numb the pain , but using only was a temporary fix , so I didn’t use and i seeked professional help . I hope you can reach out to someone for support. whether it be family or a Church. which really was the most helpful thing for me. My prayers for you and my heart breaks for you, please reach out for help. 
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Stacey, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Losing your husband is a pain that shakes your entire world. Of course you feel lost. Of course you want him back. That kind of love doesn’t just disappear.
But using won’t bring him closer.. it will only pull you further away from yourself.
You are not weak for struggling. You are grieving. And grief can be overwhelming. But you deserve support through this, not self-destruction.
Please don’t carry this alone. Reach out for professional help, a grief counselor, a recovery program, someone safe. There are people who will sit in this pain with you so you don’t have to numb it.
You are still here. That means there is still hope. One small step today.. even just asking for help.. is enough. 
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Praying for you and all of us. I lost my hubby 3 mos ago and relapsed. Gutwrenching