I’m having a really off couple of days. I don’t know how to put it into words exactly but I’ll try. I’m just not feeling well. Physically and emotionally. Had an awkward day at an NA event at a park today. I’m starting to see the differences only again. The enormous amount of high school click mentality, is making me sick. People are sometimes so toxic. It’s depressing to me. I need more in my life beyond NA. I have stuff. I’m working on healing. Trauma therapy etc. It’s feeling like a chore. I’m resentful. I wish I had joy in my life. Lately I really don’t. I appreciate you reading. Thank you.
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Sending love 
the right kinds of people for you are out there but unfortunately we must weed out the toxic while finding the healthy ones for us. I agree though it can get SO exhausting. You’re not alone 
Healing comes in waves, it’s ok if your off right now, try not to get to judgmental about it. This to shall pass, stay close to your recovery tools. Rooting for you
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Hi Heather! I'm sorry you're not feeling the best!
I'm not sure if you're into exercising, but there are a ton of groups to join that could benefit you physically and emotionally.
Spin, yoga, or palates class is a great way to meet people.
Hiking groups on Facebook for your area might be an option as well.
I've made some friends in these type of situations and the majority don't like to drink or drug so I don't have to really turn down an invitation to a party to often haha!
But in all seriousness, I think the highs and the lows are common in becoming sober.
I will have 2 years in a couple weeks and I still have them often. I remind myself that they are valid feelings however they will pass. I just need to remember how hard I worked for my new life and continue this lifestyle because even on its worst day, it's better than any (good) drunk day I had.
The freedom that comes with sobriety is joy. But sometimes it's easier to feel than others.
I hope the rest of your week gets better!
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Hi Heather. I can relate. I am an alcoholic/addict. I mostly go to AA meetings just for that reason. Maybe you could try it out. In my mind I just switch out the word "alcohol" with "drugs." I find that there is more of a community feeling in AA meetings. Events are hard though. Hard to break in. I'm sorry you are suffering! Hang in there, please
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I have days of amazing gratitude and feeling on top of the world and other days like you are describing. I have to remind myself it isn't permanent and push through the rough days and no matter what don't pick up.
Those feelings always pass and when I make it through I am stronger. I know that it is important for me to redirect my thoughts to things that are good, and I am grateful for. If I am only looking at what's wrong I miss everything that is right.
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Thanks so much for letting this out and sharing with us. This community will have your back! I agree with all the comments before me especially the “feelings will always pass”. You’ll find your footing, and when you do, you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come.
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I agree 100 percent. As a member of AA I've never felt unwelcomed. With that being said, they still aren't for everyone. But I do recommend at least attending a few, in person or zoom, to see if they are something you would enjoy. Best of luck Heather, hang in there! 🫶🙏
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And also, I always recommend leaving/disengaging in any type of toxic situation for the sake of your sobriety, which is most important.
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Thank you SO much to everyone that commented so far. I sincerely appreciate it. Hugs.
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Hi Heather! I feel like I go through this very thing sometimes. It used to be more common than it is now. I think time and learning to be comfortable in your own skin helps take the edge off awkwardness. If you truly don’t care what others think because you are solid in yourself, life becomes so much simpler. You get to choose your tribe. So ask a lot of clarifying questions! “Hey, you just said this, and I took it like this.. was my perception correct?” type of questions. It’s ok to feel off. We all have bad days. That’s how we know when we’re having good ones. 
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I’m praying for you
Hey Heather! I've heard things about NA that aren't the best, but then again I've been to plenty of AA meetings and there's absolutely the click!! Honestly I think the high school mentality never ends for a lot of people.
I was just talking about this with a friend and we were talking about how it carries over into AA, professional jobs, adult groups even! I myself try to stay away from all that. Any negativity or toxicity in the program shouldn't be tolerated. Kinda defeats the purpose for people like me and you who aren't into that and just want a solid sober community.
Definitely try to find groups or hangouts with people who have similar interests as you. I'm trying that now so we'll see how it goes lol. You got this and you're worth it!
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Your honesty and your bravery in sharing these very personal thoughts, Heather, show such strength. Even if you don’t have faith in a way forward at this moment, trust that WE have enough faith to share with you. The person of AA allowed me the freedom to accept who I am, unshackled from who I thought I should or needed to be, and it allowed me to have a brilliant, magnificent life—which now includes people who value me outside of this program.
Sending you so much light and love.
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Hi Heather, I’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time. My real issue was with cocaine, but my therapist suggested that I attend AA meetings bc of their success rate and they’re known to be more welcoming and less clique-ish. It sounds like your ego is starting to make a comeback, and when that happens it’s time to get into more meetings. Have you started the 12Steps yet? If not, I suggest you start. Getting past my resentments were crucial to staying sober. I dunno what’s gonna work for you, but do not give up. Those resentments will kill you…
Thank you for sharing. You are heard! 
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Hang in there, Heather. Ups and downs are totally normal.
There will also be 7 planets in retrograde tomorrow, so there's that. Just do the things that feed your soul.
Yeah I’m on my second sponsor. First one fired me after saying horrible stuff to me. Over a phone call. I was on my 4th step. New sponsor since July so back in the first step. I think I need a break from NA. At least in person meetings. Because recently a few others happened like someone burned me bad and is spreading lies in the rooms about me that I’m a toxic person asking for hand outs and I stole money from her when I never spoke to her about money even once. So. I’ve stayed away from meetings in person because of her and many others speaking badly to me.
This “friend” is making lies up and turning so many people against me. My home group is virtual and the only people I feel safe with. I know many of them in person. Basically I think it’s the area. Denver is filled with horrible people.
Sorry for the long reply. Just a lot going on.
Hey heather if you would like someone to talk to or even a sponsor reach out to me I would not mind at all being here for you day or night. Hang in there it does get better
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Thank you. I am not saying I want to leave NA. I have a small group of people I care for. It’s just seemed to be so hard for me to find somewhere that is home. I have those I care for. But it’s like every other week there’s a new problem that makes me feel unwelcome. I tried the other fellowships last year. Had a bad experience in CA. The sponsor I had ghosted. I tried AA and was made to feel ashamed that I had problems with drugs. Not just drinking. I like NA. the thing is, I think it’s it’s 12 step programs in general that aren’t really working for me.
I get along with my trauma therapist more than others in the NA fellowship. Also there is a non profit organization called Advocates for Recovery I attend groups there a lot. It’s not 12 step. I enjoy the positivity I find there. I have made friends in NA so I wouldn’t pull away completely but from in person meetings I am going too. My chosen family is my virtual home group.
I understand the virtual home group and I also understand not really connecting with 12 step groups some people find their place in other groups, churches, and other organizations as long as you find where you're supposed to be and the people to have around you and in your life that is best for you and your recovery. Stay positive and keep working at getting better everyday. If you ever need someone to talk to just to listen or anything feel free to reach out, and keep your head up. You're doing great. I'm proud of you
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