I met my husband in recovery, actually at an AA meeting. We have been together for 5 years and married 1.5 years. In those 5 years we accomplished so much, all of our friends and family were so happy for us. I thought we would be together forever. But, he went on a business trip and betrayed my trust. After I confronted him about it, he continued to lie and still is lying to me until this day….even with proof. We are now getting a divorce. I haven’t wanted to drink, and for that I am proud, but I just feel so defeated in life now.
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I’m so sorry. Even at my low points I tell myself ‘at least I’m sober’ it’s the one thing I can hold onto.
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Agree with Kristen. Sobriety is my foundation. Importance is right after breathing, but way ahead of relationship and even marriage. Make it your rock.
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You may be going thru a tough challenge, but you're definitely not defeated!..Good job staying sober! You will get thru this!
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Better things in store for you.
🏄♂
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Thats one of the worst feelings so I totally get it…. I hope you recover soon Jess 
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I’m awake and in a similar situation if you’d like to message - message me
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I can definitely feel you there I lost my soulmate of 23 years 2 years ago and I still can't get past even though she's now recently remarried and I just found out she's pregnant and I have five children with her that's our bond our only Bond left I should say it is hard trying to say sober through all that and my mental health has been really s***** lately but I just had a breakthrough my birthday was yesterday and it just started writing music yesterday I found out that you need to get back to what you were doing before you were feeling good you know and what made you feel good and just do it!!
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You also have to get back to being by yourself which is hard so you have to learn to forgive yourself love yourself and try and move on which is the most difficult thing I've had to do in my entire life facts!!
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Stay strong I hope you make it through for real!!
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Jess, if your husband is a true alcoholic or an addict it wasn’t the “him” you married that betrayed you. I know it sounds like a garbage excuse but it’s a disease that pushes us in all the wrong directions. I would never have cheated on my wife then I became an addict. Things that were at one time completely unacceptable slowly make their way into our lives. Like a glacial drift we move farther and farther from making the next right decision. I’m not defending him, just explaining a bit of what occurs. If you chose to stay with him and he were willing to put in the effort he can become the man you deserve and love again. That’s not to say you should. For some of us it takes what he is going through now to finally realize he has a sick way of thinking and has hit Rock bottom. Hopefully this helped a bit.
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I missed that you were in recovery yourself. Im preaching to choir. I apologize. Im inspired by your commitment to refrain and wish you the best.
Happy Birthday! I’m so sorry you’re going through this also
Thanks Thomas! I do realize we are different people when we are in addiction but he is insisting that he’s sober. If he would come clean and be honest I’d consider working on things but I think he’s just not capable of that.
Sounds to me like he is gonna lose an amazing wife and partner. Your right you can’t do it for him.
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Hello Jess, I'm sorry this has happened. I can't imagine how betrayed you must feel, or how bad it hurts. Congratulations on not taking a ride to more pain with alcohol over it, that's testament to your convictions which to me means that you may be knocked down, but you are not defeated.
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Hi Jess, I was married for almost 16 years. I hid the amount I drank each day. I betrayed her trust. She left 2 weeks after I made a year sober. I was devastated. I didn’t drink, I had the support of a great aa community. I blamed myself for all of it. After some time, I seemed like a fog lifted. I could she how thing really were. I now know that we were mentally holding each other down. I am now in a better place, mentally, spiritually, and physically, then I have been I for 15 years. Hold your head high and keep moving forward.
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Thanks Chris!
There's no way for me to sugarcoat this. I'm just giving you my view. That and $3 will get you a cup of coffee.
If he betrayed your trust, he obviously has some issues going on with honesty.
I have never met any couple who met each other early in the program that agreed with my feelings on relationships in early sobriety.
All of them believed that they were going to be the exception to the rule.
The reason that we frown on relationships in early sobriety is that we don't come to AA because we have so much to offer the people around us. We come to AA because we need help and many things inside of us are broken. This is not a strong foundation for relationships.
I met a woman in the program back in 1992. Against the advice of AA Old-Timers, we decided that a relationship was going to be the answer to our problems. They were six of the most miserable years of my life.
Today, this woman and I both agree that we should have waited until we had some serious sobriety under our belts.
We all have to learn in our own time.
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Thanks Dave- and you’re correct. We did think we were the exception to the rule. We thought we beat the odds and everything was wonderful. That’s why it hurts so bad right now….I just didn’t see it coming.
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