I’ve been sober almost 2.5 years, over the years I’ve cut out everything toxic and now I’m left with an empty lonely life. While I’m proficient at “cutting thing out”, I need help with adding quality things back in.
It’s so strange to be 40, sober, and alone. I’m just in need of some joy.
And please, no comments about being patient and staying single during sobriety, I’ve been single for 11 years. I’ve done the work. I just need empathy and support.
Thanks in advance!
I hear you on this and congratulations on your time. If I didn't have custody of my daughter then I'd be just as lonely. I used feel like that for a long time then I started to love myself. That is when things started changing for me. Now I am still single but very happy with it. I know my queen is out there and she could be in my life right now as we speak. I just have to remind myself though even if she is, she is not the answer. I am. And that is why I choose to love me first. I take myself on dates, buy myself things I want, and make sure that I don't lose site of who is most important. That's ME. Hope this helps and I feel you on the patience and waiting thing. AA members love using those words and lines that really erk me at time. I tend to feel they are ones in a relationship so they don't know the feeling of loneliness. 
Get out there and find some sober dating apps or take a walk in the park. Your king/queen is waiting for you.
Thanks Tommy!
Good Luck and get on out there 
Yes, happy and healthy female friendships would fill my cup! It’s difficult to find quality healthy friendships. I appreciate you and it’s really nice to hear from a supportive female. Thank you!
Well if you ever travel through KC let me know and we’ll meet up!
Sandi are you a travel nurse?
Wow… I can relate to this post. I’ve been sober for 3.5 years, and most of my life is going great. I’ve also been really good at cutting people out, and less so at adding them to my life. My life is pretty good these days… bought my dream house last year, just got a new car, job is going great, and I have a few good friends (some I met in early sobriety, and some normies from my past). My 10 year old daughter keeps me pretty busy when she’s with me, but that’s only half the time. I’ve tried dating a few times, but it’s been with normies, and either their alcohol consumption or lack of patience with my daughter always being put first made me give up on them pretty quickly… I’d love to meet a someone with some sober time that I click with, but that has not happened yet. Fingers crossed for that in the future for both of us! In the meantime I’ll just keep focusing on all the ways my life is exponentially better then it was 4 years ago…
Lol, thanks Tommy! Now I feel a little less goofy about taking myself on dates. Whether it’s to a nice dinner or to the movies solo, I’m grateful that I’m as content by myself as I am. However, I can’t help thinking that I may have gotten a little too comfortable with solitude.
Thank you for sharing Chris, I appreciate you. Yes, life is better than it used to be, it’s just the loneliness I’d like to fill. I joined another sober group and immediately someone asked me to put together an event for them because they have “other things in life they need to deal with”. I attract users and people who know I am a natural born leader/helper. I try to put up boundaries but end up building walls instead. Life is such a tight rope.
Yes I relate here too. I’ve been separated/divorced 9 years and I’ve been single most of that time.
My 12 year old daughter told me that it’s time I meet someone. Easier said than done. I know well enough that these things cannot be forced. I’m not willing to get back on dating apps. God bless Loosid but it is not a dating site unless you live in NYC. But I do have a great life now and I want a partner. Not someone to fill a space. So until that comes along, I just focus on sobriety and my kids and my dogs. Work and making the most out of my membership to the Google Coursera program. And go swimming. It’s hot.
I completely and entirely relate. When my therapist asks me weekly what brought me joy this week it is so hard to answer. I have the peace but the joy is lacking. Sobriety is where I need to be but now I need to own it my way. I am 2.5 years as well.
Oh girl do I hear you! I’ve not been in a relationship in 12 years! I don’t know if you feel the same but I think a lot of my problem is I don’t feel worthy of a relationship. And to be truly honest I think I’m scared to even try since I’m severely out of practice☺️. That’s why I joined this app. Maybe nothing will come of it but your post and reading some of the comments has made me feel not so alone. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice but hopefully it gives you some solace that there are many others who feel the exact same way!
I LOVE everything about what you said! You are 100% right! I still have yet to love myself but Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither is my self esteem😆! Congrats on making it to that stage! Your daughter is very lucky to have such a wise dad!
Thank you for sharing Craig!
I am not a wise man nor do I have the answers Im just someone who figured out that if you can't love yourself then you are doomed to be loved by anyone else. Best to you and start the day off by finding something that shows your reflection and tell yourself this,"(your name) I love you so much and am so proud of you for getting out of bed today. You might make some mistakes but that's ok as long as you learn from them. (rm we make good mistakes not bad mistakes. A good mistake is something you learn from but a bad mistake is when you continue to do the same thing over and over expecting positive results) (your name) today is going to be so beautiful just as long as I believe in myself and know that I am not going to allow the day to defeat me. Now go and OWN the day I fuc*ING got this." When you start off positively anything possible in the day. It's not about falling but about getting back up. Best of luck on your journey and keep telling yourself that you are a wonderful person and so many people want the best for me..I sure do.
That’s a good line “I have the peace, I just need the joy”. Thank you I relate to that!
Similar situation for me. Clean and sober since March 2019. Making friends postcovid is a challenge for me at 41. The Covid excuse is lifted and I’m ready to enjoy life. I’m changing from all zoom to more in person meetings. Being lonely is a trigger for me to change the way I feel. Happy to chat anytime!
Thank you Casey!
Thank you Michael, I appreciate you sharing.