I’ve had it. I can’t do this anymore

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#1

I’ve had it. I can’t do this anymore. My fiancé has been bringing stuff home.. 4 days in a row and I told him I’m gonna have to go stay with a friend if he doesn’t stop immediately. I was clean for 6 days and then he got something. Then I was clean 5 days.. then again, he got something and since then it’s been daily (last 4 days).

I feel so so low. I’m using concealer to cover up track marks.. it’s so hot out and I have to wear long sleeves. I hate myself like this. I have an autoimmune disorder and this is ruining my health in more ways than it would most people.

He is going in the bathroom to use and I go in there and find evidence and it drives me crazy cause the moment I know drugs are available, I fiend like crazy. It’s gotten to the point that him just using the bathroom is a trigger for me.

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#2

It sounds like you need to get out of the situation. Rehab may also be a good idea for you. It gets you out, and can help you detox and get clean. Good luck. I hope you find the peace you deserve

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#3

Choose for yourself to reach out and ask for help now. Not later. This situation will not get any better. Call a women's shelter or as suggested earlier a rehab. Save your own life.

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#4

I went through the same thing with my ex and wasn’t able to get clean until I left him. You deserve better! There’s some great women’s sober support groups out there

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#5

This is great of you to share your experience and support! Sounds like our friend is deep in :poop:. Do you have any contacts for women’s support group you can share with her? I feel like she could really benefit from your hep right now. Maybe you could do it thru private message if that’s more comfortable. It’s so hard to do these things on your own when you’re in this position. Keep up the great work :pray::peace_symbol:

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#6

I feel for you! Get safe first. Have you thought about rehab it would give you time to catch your breath. Good luck I feel for you!

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#7

I feel you, but run. I had to get divorced and move to get clean/sober. We can’t expect others to change. You obviously want to, if he doesn’t, you won’t if you are in that environment, but I think you know that.

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#8

This isn’t a relationship, you’re unsafe. If you want any chance at staying sober you will have to leave.

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#9

Sounds like you need to take time away, and space yourself from your fiancé. He is not going to give up his habit , just because you are trying to get clean. I feel you have a zero chance of getting clean if you stay where you are. Get out!

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#10

Leave. And don't look back. Your new life is incompatible with his life now.

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#11

Sorry for not responding everyone.. it’s a lot to take in. But I appreciate you all

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#12

Get.
The.
Fuuuuuck.
Out.

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#13

We made an agreement that I would leave If he used again. I have to keep my side of the agreement. Honestly he seems to be doing better than I am right now. I have cravings constantly and he says his are gone “my brain turned the switch off.. I’m just sick of it” is what he said. I have a harder time with addiction than he does.

He didn’t leave me 6 years ago when he was clean in recovery and I was an active heroin addict and I pulled him down.. then we both got clean together.

#14

I read all these comments to him this morning to remind him what’s on the line.

he asked if I told you guys “how this all started” and what he is referring to is how when we met I was an active heroin addict and he was a recovered addict .. and then he began using with me. That was 6 years ago however so, he really can’t say I started THIS current situation. He found access to the drugs on his own, he goes and gets them on his own.. not once have I went and got drugs.. not since 2017 and I have never really liked crack to begin with. I don’t like stimulants. I mean we can blame each other all day if we wanted. But I do believe we are on the same page and we both want to get clean.
There has also been days when he didn’t want to use and I asked him to go get some. I knew it would happen eventually. When he first started this 6 months ago, I told him if it continues, I’m not gonna be able to stop and I reminded him how long I was an addict before
I got clean and how hard it was for me to be sober..

We’ve been living together since June 2016, so we’re technically married. I can’t just abandon him after we made an agreement. This is the first time I have put my food down and have give pre-warned consequences.

I can’t even explain all this properly cause so much has happened.

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#15

Thank you for your response. I wrote out a general response for everyone below. It was just a lot to take in for me

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#16

Thank you for. I wrote out a general response for everyone below. It was a lot to take in for me

#17

I have to give him this one last chance cause we made an agreement. I wrote a longer response to everyone below. It’s just been a lot to take in.. everyone telling me to leave him.. it’s hard to read

#18

He says he wants to and I believe him. But every addict has parts of them that want to use. I wrote out a general response to everyone below.

#19

I’ve thought about it.. but I know I can do it on my own. I may go stay with a friend if my fiancé breaks our agreement, I told him, even if I relapse with him, that I will leave the next day. I don’t do good in facilities.. they make the situation worse for me actually. This is the 3rd time this month that I had to detox off hard drugs.. and the first 3 days are the absolute hardest but we got through it again.. if he brings drugs home, I’m out of here

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#21

You’ve made your choice. I hope the 2 of you can stay sober together. Take it one day at a time. That means you wake up each morning with the same conviction to stay sober and honor your agreement. At this point neither of you should feel like one owes something to the other. You owe it to yourself to stay sober and to be safe. He owes himself the same. Whether you do this together, or need to do it apart…you are never alone. Thanks for sharing your story. We are here to support you :pray::peace_symbol:

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