I’ve literally been in bed today thinking about all the fun people are having on this holiday. I keep thinking that I would be enjoying life and happy if I was able to drink. I’ve been sober for 7 months now and i haven’t found many things that bring me any joy anymore. I have severe depression and drinking has been the only thing to give me relief. Without drinking, I feel like I’m merely existing on this earth. Drinking was killing me, so I had to stop. But now I feel completely lost without it.
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Hang in there & get to a meeting & call your sponsor!
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Hi Alanna, I’m feeling the same right now. Keep your head up. Everyday will get a little easier, that’s what I’m told anyway. I’m only on day 15 and depression and fatigue are hitting so hard I don’t even know what to do with myself. I used to sleep it off. Now I can’t sleep so there’s that. But just know I’m proud of you, and I hope 6 months from now I can say I’ve had the strength to make it as far as you have.
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It’s almost like you have to grieve a best friend. It’s been there for us for so long and now it’s not. Sounds silly I know but I have to keep looking at it in semi constructive ways or I’ll go back and I just can’t.
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Sounds like maybe you're just not drinking instead of recovering. There's a huge difference. The program of recovery teaches you how to live and enjoy live sober. I highly recommend you give it a try. I know it helped my depression and anxiety to the point that I know I couldn't not be sober without a program. Simply eliminating alcohol amd drugs weren't the only problem for me. Good luck on your journey hope you find some peace.
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Time will show you that you made the right decision. Just think about all of those people who are having fun today but will have horrible hangovers tomorrow. There are a select few who will be fine but not many.
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Definitely not alone Alanna. I feel the same way
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Hey there. Thanks for your kind words. I remember how hard being sober was in the beginning. It’s super uncomfortable. But just hang on. Soon you’ll have 7 months under your belt. It’s hard.. but it does get easier little by little 
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Yes. I am grieving that loss as well and it’s tough. Hopefully time will heal.
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It’s a journey for sure. And it can sometimes be a little harder knowing that others are out together drinking and having a good time. But in the long run, you’ve made the right decision for yourself. For me, living without a substance has been hard, but over time I learned that there is more to life than a substance. You just gotta find what works for you. Maybe a new hobby or activity to take your mind off the feelings. You’re not just existing here in earth, you have a purpose. You’ll find it soon, if not already. Keep it up and stay focused on what’s best for you!
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So can relate to this post. My mind was thinking the same thing. I had a friend relapse today and I honestly don’t know how I feel at the moment. I do know that 1 weekend of drinking will bring me right back to the miserable life I was in. Summer months are my worst time but I get through it One Day At A time because if I drink again I am dead and I will lose everything I have gained. Jump on a meeting. Reach out, watch a documentary on what alcohol or drugs does to you. That’s what I do. Good luck this is not easy to do
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I feel the same way! I’m an extremely social person. In recovery I’ve learned that it was never the drinking that was fun for me, it was the spontaneity, meeting new people, dancing without a care, exploring new places, events, parties… the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, the drinking came with all of that.
I am having a very hard time staying sober because I feel like everything involves drinking, so I’ve alienated myself from all of my friends and I don’t do to any events or parties anymore. I know that being alcohol free is ultimately the best for me… but with a hyper social personality. I’m bored.
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Hello,
I keep telling myself that if I were to drink “just today” it won’t be just today ! It will go into tomorrow and before you know it I’m back to drinking 4-5x a week. I’m come so far to blow it on a holiday that I don’t even celebrate.
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Thank you for sharing your struggles! Alanna you are not alone. For this Alcoholic, I was miserable for the first 18 months. I took steps 1-3 seriously but stopped at step 4. Then I got my third sponsor and he helped push me to get my steps done. The relief I felt from working the steps, connecting with others, and being of service had been very rewarding. I still get in my head once in awhile. I found my higher power, God, and talk with God daily. I’ve taken the suggestions AA has to offer and use them in my daily life. It’s not easy staying on the high road but I can say my life is much better. I have people I care about, people who care about me, and a new found purpose in this life- to help others.
I’ll pray for you to find the courage, strength and hope to get out of bed, go to a meeting and talk to a newcomer. Listen to their story, identify with them, and share your emotions. This will get you outside of yourself.
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Hey Alanna! I'm right there with you. It's hard, but its beginning to get easier for me everyday. I'm at day 60 today.
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I’m also in the same boat. Little over four months sober…drank because of my depression. Got brought to rehab because it was touch and go…I’m learning to do everything sober and find peace and happiness in the everyday things, but I too felt kinda shitty this weekend. Just stayed in my sober house and did hardly anything. I know there are sober groups and what not… But the weather was rainy and I didn’t really feel like socializing with strangers… takes a lot of energy. I’m sure this will pass for us, but it’s ok to admit that it still sucks sometimes.
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I feel this way all the time. I like to go on spontaneous random trips to new countries. Amazing experience and you really get to know your true self
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Hey Alanna, I used to feel that way too. I’ve found that there are many sober things going on all around me both, recovery related and not. I had to ask people at meetings, or listen for announcements at the beginning of a meeting. Blessings to you on your journey
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Start finding alternatives to drinking that actually bring you joy. Otherwise you are simply existing. As long as you look at drinking as a loss in your life, it's hard to find perspective towards anything else. Eventually you'll gravitate towards passions and interests that will not only bring you more joy than drinking did, but you'll realize that you'd never have been able to achieve those passions with alcohol.
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You’ll get to a place where it’s all good. Don’t give up.
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