I was told no romantic relationships for a year. Why?

Recovery
#1

I was told no romantic relationships for a year. Why???

7 Likes
#2

How do you know what you want if you don't even know who you really are?

9 Likes
#3

Is this about that woman that has 15,000 days? :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

1 Like
#4

I didn’t follow that and I’m fine

1 Like
#5

There are many reasons. The most simple reason is it is very easy for it to become a distraction to your recovery. You’re also working on much more than just not using a substance, you’re changing your mindset and life and behaviors. It’s very easy to be molded by a new partner in that time which is dangerous and you’re also not giving that other person a healthy version of yourself.

8 Likes
#6

It’s a suggestion. Most recovery programs I’m aware of are centered around taking an honest and thorough look at yourself, and developing a spiritual perspective to improve upon our old way of thinking which led to our addictions. It takes a lot of introspection and practice. Relationships tend to take the focus off of looking at ourselves. Not to mention that many of us are used o being in toxic relationships. Relationships tend to have lots of highs and lows. I believe all of these emotions can be very difficult to handle. Personally, early sobriety was an extremely emotional time for me. As a married man, I had little choice but to work on my relationship at the same time as working on myself. It was brutal, but I’m still sober at 7 months in. There were definitely many moments that I was envious of the guys that only had to work on themselves. Ultimately it’s up to you. There is no guarantee either way. Statistically, you have a better chance if you can stay out of relationships for a year.

8 Likes
#7

Not at all.

#8

I agree. I'm still not ready anyways but wanted to know the lay of the land.

#9

Thanks for clarifying that and sharing. It helps and gives me hope hearing other stories and victories.

#10

To focus on yourself

3 Likes
#12

Because you need to focus on you. Learn to love you. To deal with yourself. Learn what you like and don't like. What you will tolerate and not tolerate. The first year especially is alot of learning about yourself. And in that first year.. actually first couple years. You yourself will change and grow multiple times

3 Likes
#13

I was told to get in to as many as I wanted because none of them are going to work anyway

2 Likes
#14

Hahaha be optimistic.

#15

Meaningful overnight relationships are acceptable just don’t leave your tooth brush

#16

How about a pair of boxers just in case I want to come back??

#17

Back to ain’t none of them going to work anyway

#18

Very few relationships survive early recovery that being the first 5yrs simply because we don’t know or love our selves yet and if we can’t love us how can we love others

#19

When I got sober in ‘07, I set a one-year time before I’d date. I actually went 3 years before I dated. I then met a gal, dated that gal, then we married. We’ve been married for over 10 years now, our marriage survived the death of our daughter, and my 6.5 year relapse, and our marriage is strong.

Moral of the story is that I’m glad I listened and waited.

#20

I agree

#21

So true. I agree