I went on a date last night for the first time in a really long time. Before the date; I made it clear to the guy that I don’t drink and that I don’t mind it he does but if that’s important to him, we shouldn’t go out. He said it was fine. On the date last night, he kept pressuring me to drink and had no respect for me that I said I have a problem with drinking and refrain. Instead he went on to say that he wants me to have as much fun as he’s having. I ended the date right then and there and I am in such a funk about it today. I haven’t had that reaction ever since I quit drinking over a year ago and it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong instead of doing something respectable. I know he doesn’t matter but it makes me scared of that happening again. And like I’m going to have a problem finding someone because I don’t drink. Anyone else go through this?
Yep, I have not dated in 2 years. One because I was too busy drinking and isolating at home. Two because now I want to find someone who respects my decision and focus on my sobriety! I miss the cuddling and hugs and kisses also!
And I am only 10 1/2 months sober!!
Hang in there. It has absolutely nothing to do with anything you did. You were clear and congrats to you for leaving mid date. He just didn’t respect you or your wishes thats all. Consider yourself lucky you found out early. I recently dated somebody for 2 years and she never asked me to drink anything or offer me anything. On the contrary she actually called ahead to see of they had nonalcoholic options. My friends too have supported me and always have a nonalcoholic six pack around for me. The friends that don’t I don’t see anymore and like you those Ive dated who have a problem with the not drinking I just don’t date anymore. In general its never positive to have people around who want to push you to do things you don’t want to do. I think you’re definitely on the right path. Thanks for sharing.
I can relate to your incident Hailey. I’m also upfront about my drinking too but alcohol seems to be far more important to some people than they realize or would ever admit. I’ve found it virtually impossible to find someone whose weekends do not involve alcohol in some way. I wouldn’t mind if my partner drank. But every weekend?!? It’s made me realize what’s really important to me and what I will and will not accept. It’s hard. Very hard. But if I’m patient I believe things will happen just the way they should!!
F**k that guy! You did the right thing and you deserve better. Don’t worry about someone who has no respect for what you are about.
Believe it or not not all guys are going to be douche bags about it just try not to worry about it. I’m a firm believer in “what’s meant to be is meant to be” and I promise you that asshole was not meant to be.
Not yet
Maybe I am oversimplifying but when you say maybe I am doing something wrong…I can’t help but wonder, wrong for whom? Maybe what’s wrong for him is right for you. I am proud of you for setting a boundary that may not meet his expectations but it does clarify what your primary purpose is; to stay sober and maybe, just maybe you’ve already help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. So you didn’t kiss a frog. That doesn’t mean he was going to ever be a prince. Maybe he is just a frog; a poisonous frog. 
The truth about dating, sales, and many things in life - It’s a numbers game. Don’t let one bad date, rejection, failure, etc. set you back. Yes, there are many crappy people out there. But, there are far more good people than bad people out there on average. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off just like we have done with our sobriety and get back out there. Also, super proud of you for setting boundaries from the beginning. Don’t ever stop doing that 
Alternatively, you could look at it like this: you have set your boundaries, stuck to your guns, AND got yourself out of there without drinking.
That dude just wanted to get laid and evidently needs the alcohol to do so.
Be proud of yourself!
Yea he didn’t respect your boundaries. The drinking thing might actually be a good filter. Just a thought- maybe the first date can be a coffee date, brunch, museum? Something away from places where alcohol is central. Once you’ve gotten to know your date, nerves are more settled maybe the 2nd or 3rd can be dinner and at that point if they still push alcohol on you then bye
Hailey, I have found that most people simply don’t understand the seriousness of our disease. Luckily you didn’t drink. That’s the important part.
There’s only 3 reasons I can think of where someone strongly encourages you to drink. 1. They are insecure about how interesting or attractive they are, 2. They drink too much themselves and don’t want the other person to notice, or 3. They’re a creep (most important to consider as you ending the date may have kept you safe that night). I haven’t met a single person who cares that I don’t drink, in fact, I usually run into the opposite problem where the person doesn’t drink because I won’t and I feel kind of bad lol. Many people will respect your decision, and everything you had in active addiction, you will have sober (minus the shame/guilt and hangovers).
You absolutely did the right thing. That guy sounds like a buffoon and is bad news for your recovery and well-being. It doesn’t matter if he looked like Brad Pitt, he is someone you don’t want in your life…dating has been tough, I always start with being upfront and honest “I am a recovering alcoholic and do not drink” if it’s a dealbreaker on to the next. No shame, need someone in your life who can respect that rather than corrupt it. You will not find happiness if the guy has the attitude like the one you mention. Good on you!
Hailey, thank you for sharing this. Dating in sobriety can be challenging. I went on a date where the woman clearly didn’t read my profile, as we went to a bar/brewery/restaurant. Well I’m sober and can go anywhere so That didn’t bother me as much as her not reading my profile on the dating site, 
. She asked if it would bother me if she had a glass of wine. I said it wouldn’t bother me. Well the date was ok but she ghosted me. I find that either men or women who drink want their partner to drink as well. This may not be 
true but for the most part.
I believe what you did was absolutely correct! And kudos to you for sticking to your true self. Keep your head up. You’ll find someone that gets you as much as you get them. It will feel right. Stay sober my friend.
Hello Hailey, that guy was very disrespectful to you, but you had enough respect for yourself to end it right there. Be proud and don't get down on yourself, I'm cheering for you 
! Unfortunately there's a lot of grimey people out there? Standard's are good. It's great you are better for yesterday? You learned something, shake it off!
Everyone's advice is excellent. Please don't think for a minute you did anything wrong. What you did was strong and admirable. Be proud of yourself. You'll find the right one.
This just seems like a really obnoxious situation. It hurts to be up front with someone and have them try to undermine you anyway. It sounds like the way you handled the situation was f*caking awesome and I’m so proud of you!!!!!! He just obviously isn’t the one. You’ll find someone who respects you more! Much love.
You're doing something really positive by being sober. It's our broader culture that has a sick relationship with alcohol. That dude is immature and should have respected your boundaries. Be grateful you didn't have to waste much time to figure that out. If I had to guess what was going on in his head, he wanted to be drunk and silly and he felt judged by your sobriety. Your sobriety held up a mirror to his own foolishness. He didn't like what he saw and he wanted to drag you down to his level. But you were up front and it's up to him to manage his own insecurity or decline the date.