I'm fearful I'm falling into my old way of thinking

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#1

I'm fearful I'm falling into my old way of thinking again, I have the urge to go into isolation. I don't know if the rehab I'm in is helping me or pushing me off a cliff. I'm on my second roommate and now the new one is pissed off at me and I don't know why so I'm chain smoking cigarettes and basically having an anxiety attack. I never see a counselor except when one wants me to produce urine and I don't even feel like the Suboxone is helping anymore. I'm a junkie but now I'm craving a drink so badly I just went to get cigarettes and saw people buying beer and now I'm having nasty cravings.

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#2

Wishing you luck man. Rehab should keep you sober and give you time since your last use

#3

Connect with other people who are working at 12 step program. It’ll get you out of your own way

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#4

Thanks Shepman, I'm glad I am still in rehab and have people around me to hold me accountable. That's why I am staying longer this time because of my relapse history.

#5

Thanks Christina, yeah I went to a zoom meeting first thing in the morning and shared about my rough night. I'm feeling better today

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#6

Stay strong love, surround yourself around with others working on their sobriety. People places and things make a world of a difference. Also, maybe downgrade to a studio apartment and live alone

#7

Oh, the mission got canceled? Good… We can focus on another one.
Didn’t get the new high-speed gear we wanted? Good… We can keep it simple.
Didn’t get promoted? Good… More time to get better.
Didn’t get funded? Good… We own more of the company.
Didn’t get the job you wanted? Good… Go out, gain more experience, and build a better resume.
Got injured? Good… Needed a break from training.
Got tapped out? Good… It’s better to tap out in training than tap out on the street.
Got beat? Good… We learned.
Unexpected problems? Good… We have to figure out a solutions

That’s it. When things are going bad: Don’t get all bummed out, don’t get started, don’t get frustrated. No. Just look at the issue and say: “Good.”

These cravings are good. It means you are alive and on the right path. I’m on day 6 from booze but six years from being a junkie.

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#8

Just remember that relapse isn’t failure. It is an opportunity to strengthen your game. It sometimes takes several relapses before we get it right

#9

Thanks Eric. I have chosen to look at it that way. My program teaches me to be kind and compassionate toward myself when I experience unwanted thoughts or emotions. I investigated the causes of my mental lapse and I'm hopeful that next time it occurs I will be able to let go and move on more easily. Thanks for being here and your kind advice.

#10

You're right. My last relapse taught me humility and I now understand that I am no better than anyone else and I have to work as hard as anyone else to prevent another one. I've heard people say desperation is a gift and I feel that 100%.

#11

Wow. You sound like me. I didn’t think I needed to be in AA with all of those rednecks. I have mellowed some.

#12

Brian. Do you have good insurance? If so, ask about vivitrol. It takes the cravings away

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#13

Stay strong, we believe in you! Thanks for sharing. You got this, just don’t give up!!!

#14

Also my doctor put me on naltrexone to take the cravings of drinking away

#15

I'm on Suboxone. It helps. I don't think one can take both simultaneously. Alcohol is not my DOC so cravings for it are unusual. I think my addicted brain was just reaching out for anything to numb the pain

#16

Thanks Hailey. I'm not going to give up! I'm pretty determined now.

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#17

So glad to hear that! The fight will be worth it

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#18

I hope suboxone takes the drug cravings down where they are manageable. Just focus on your determination and the the dire to not go through all this withdrawal shit again. I hated rehab and that motivates me to stay sober too. Reach out when you need an ear. You can do this

#19

Thank you for sharing. You working a program? AA or NA?
For me steps 1,2&3 of Alcoholics Anonymous removed the cravings of alcohol, meth, tobacco and caffeine!
Working on sugar….
Hang in there. Read the big book the text book of Alcoholics Anonymous

#20

I've read the big book and the NA basic text. Ive always been unable to work 12 step programs because of the religious aspect. I've chosen to work an alternate program called Refuge Recovery. It's a non-theistic approach that aligns with my belief that every being has the power and potential to overcome the suffering that causes and results from addiction. I'm more open minded to 12 step programs now so I occasionally attend NA meetings but RR is working for me so I'm gonna keep working it. I go to an online meeting every morning, I meditate, and that's helping with cravings because I am learning how to detach and acknowledge them without letting them carry me away.

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