Im having trouble accepting i'm an actual alcoholic and not just being dramatic abt drinking

Recovery
#1

Im 3.5 months sober (so exciting!!) and had a drinking problem for the better part of the last 7 years. While my drinking was v problematic- it was very much behind closed doors and hidden. It never impacted my jobs and didnt aggressively impact any relationships or anything. I know I have a problem and Im an alcoholic- but sometimes I feel like I didnt drink long enough and maybe Im just being dramatic and could have a healthy relationship with alcohol.

Idk if this is makes sense or if its just dumb but being sober when you are young is a different kind of hard and I keep i validating myself and i didnt know if other people do this too/how to accept that Im an alcoholic and cant drink ever again. I hear acceptance is the first step and im having a hard time with it

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#3

I’m a mental health professional, have been for 30 years. Sober 14. I’ve always specialized in addiction, which made my denial very strong. Loosing everything twice didn’t help. When I finally quit because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just couldn’t do it my way any more. Accepting this was the greatest achievement of my life

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#4

Thank you for sharing your experience Ginger. You are not alone. Our disease of alcoholism is real. In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it explains exactly what you’re going through. I believe it’s in the chapter “ Doctor’s opinion, Bill’s story and More about Alcoholism. However, when we isolate ourselves from the rest of the world and drink we become cut off from the light of the spirit.
Remember the Acronym for YET
Is your eligible too, this is in reference to not have major problems arise from your drinking.
Is your life unmanageable? Do you have any fear? Shame? Guilt?
For me I too drank alone and at home. I also drank to be the center of attention and to voice my anger. And I would also drink to suppress my anger or when I thought others had wronged me. I can say that I tried to get sober on my own a few times and I always ended up drinking again and then tearing down what I just built up. It took me getting a divorce, kicked out of my house and my ego, pride smashed to no end before I could see that my life was a wreck. The harm that I caused towards others was downright selfish, self centered and egotistical. Today, 25 months into, my new found way of life, sobriety I feel alive. Joyous and free to be me. I practice the steps of AA, Christianity is a part of my life now, new friends, and an open mind that just maybe around that next corner could be something I needed to read, hear or someone I needed to meet. All of this is done with me being sober one day at a time. Just for today. I’ve experience and accepted hardship as the pathway to peace. I also, enjoy helping others who want to get sober. Who are curious about a new way to live alcohol and drug free. I had gone a complete physic change.
I’m glad you’re here asking questions and talking about your struggles. Thank you for helping me today stay sober.
It worth your health to live alcoholic free.
Have a blessed day my friend!

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#5

I was mean to the people i liked and nice to those i didnt and it was ruining both my mental n physical health. that and i any evening i had off id drink and i didnt like how consuming my drinking was

#6

thank you for sharing this! it really helps to hear your story!

#7

thank you for sharing all of this its super helpful and i really appreciate you taking the time to respond!!

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#8

You’re welcome :wink:
Reach out if you ever need to vent or advice. I may not have all the answers but I’m positive I’ll find someone in recovery that has it.

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#10

That is very relatable and I definitely needed to hear that. Thank you.
Ive never been to an AA meeting and am scared to go because Im not sure what to expect

#12

Hi Ginger, I totally get what you mean. I got sober in my 20’s twice, the first time didn’t stick beyond a year, the second seems to have stuck and it’s been over three years. One of the biggest differences between the two times I got sober was my mindset. This time around I don’t want to drink, I quit because I didn’t want to drink anymore. Have you read Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind? It’s really great in working to shift our mindset around drinking. If you ever want to chat send me a message, I know what it is like to be young and sober when it feels like everyone around you in drinking.

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#13

Good listen for you.

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#14

Hi Jenn- Thank you for writing! I havent read it but Ill check it out!

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#15

thanks!

#16

I highly recommend reading “this naked mind”. It will give you an alternative perspective than AA. Alcoholic isn’t actually a real thing despite the insistence by AA that we label ourselves as such. Anyone can become alcohol dependent. Sure you can probably have an ok use of alcohol and that is your choice if you do. Abstaining completely is always the best choice though and attempting to control is a slippery slope almost everyone fails at some point

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#17

thank you for the recommendation! ill check it out!

#18

If you are doing research I enjoyed the book A Naked Mind to understand. However the Big Book talks about drinker types. I would read that portion as well.

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#19

Agree with those who say that AA has a very somber perspective on sobriety. If you feel deprived and as if you are making a sacrifice it’s much harder to stick to it. If you reframe it as a matter of choice and freedom it’s much easier. Also I believe that many of your friends think that you not drinking is the coolest thing ever, as long as you seem to be happy with it.

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#20

Being young period is a different kind of hard especially when the older folks are being absolute idiots!!! I got sober initially at “young & sober” meetings $ when they got too “clique-y” as they often did I carried myself back and forth sometimes it was an old head who nailed it on the head for me… I promise you one thing; not being young anymore eventually takes care of itself as long as ya know you aren’t dead. I don’t think o actually started living until I hit my 40’s & a return to the worries of my 20’s is as accessible as ever cause of young people doing exactly what you’re doing now! Empathy in my opinion is the remedy for powerlessness & a gateway to accepting almost everything. Just knowing something has a name and other people had done it let me glimpse at the possibility maybe I could as well & so can/will you! A problem shared is a problem
lessened & leason… Now like my sponsor use to tell me go be as unique as everyone else! :heart:

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#21

From an addiction counseling stand point, you are not simply an alcoholic or not. You might meet a couple criteria that suggest a mild or moderate alcohol use disorder. Also, the term alcoholic feels a bit dated. Feel free to perceive yourself without that label.

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#23

My first time in recovery was in my late teens early 20s
I was in trouble with the law as a youth, parents were doing the best they could with what they knew and had.
I was basically old enough to know better yet young enough not to care.
Long story short I was introduced to recovery and stuck around for awhile.. got involved 12 step service as well attended several activities.
Life became great.. got into a dream career met a young lady got engaged etc.
I remember thinking to myself :thinking:
I never been homeless, never been to prison, never lost a career the list goes on.
Before ya know it I was comparing insides with others outsides eventually I convinced my self that I did not belong with these people (1) they were old (2) I was young (3) I was just going through a phase at that time.
besides.. I’m to successfull.

After my relapse I lived a decent life for awhile things seemed ok.
Then i started to spiral :cyclone:
Lost interest in my career went
Due to other things became more important (addiction)
Lost friends being that other things became more important (addiction), lost my fiancé at that time due to my romance with (addiction)
I basically hurt myself and others I loved.. not because I wanted to it’s just the way things went when caught up in addiction (drink pill or fix) :pensive::expressionless:

All of those things I had never done before.. “like those other people” had become me my harsh reality.
After several years of seeing faces living in place ER visits and homeless shelters etc.
I made the notion that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired I had a simple desire to no longer exist, or survive.. I had a desire to live.
I am now a productive member of society and I love it!

Now that I took up way to much time.. I have one question for you. How deep does a cut have to be in order for it to bleed?

There’s most likely others if not all on this site that have cuts/wounds as well :hugs:

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#24

I would suggest going to a meeting and reaching out to a sponsor.

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