It seems all I do lately is struggle. This feeling of fear is overwhelming! I moved to a Sober living straight out of treatment 4 months ago. I almost got to my fourth month and relapsed 28 days ago. I have pending legal issues, I don’t know how I’m going to pay rent, groceries and all my legal stuff. The relapsed cost me my job,car and sanity again! I’m so f-ing tired of it! I do good then I screw up and so it goes!! Broken trust again with family,my daughter and Sponsor. The Big Book talks about the hopeless one on pages 24-25. I’m that one I’m a real drunk and drug addict. At what point do I finally let go and let God do it,because when it’s good I feel freedom. Why can’t I crave those feelings more than the drugs or drink?
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I also have pending legal issues. We still pay for the chaos of our past, but I know getting loaded won’t help. I have almost 400 days clean and sober and I still have cravings, buuut they get easier. You’re doing great, you are an inspiration to so many people around you whether you realize it or not.
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Thank you!
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@cindy407303 By all means I don't want to come off as a 
. However my first question is.. Did we learn anything from this last relapse?
How much did it cost you for your job, car and sanity. How much did you pay for it?
Have you ever read the Doctors Opinion in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous? If not I'd highly suggest it.
By all means I'm glad you're getting this all out and in the open. I hope you realize that you phuq'd up. It's ok to beat yourself up over this just remember that there is hope. That hope is found in the 2nd step of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Restoration is out there for you. It's out there for all of us.
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You have another sobriety day in you.
Don’t give up!
I can stay sober for days at a time… and then I fool myself into thinking I can control it.
It’s not your fault. You have a disease. But, you, and I can understand ourselves, and know that alcohol will always win, if we let it
Think of yourself as a winner. It’s tough at first. But, you are
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I know you’re struggling, Relapse doesn’t erase your progress. Keep fighting for the life you deserve — one day at a time.
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Lean on god more, your addiction is alive and well and only a god of your understanding can take that away. Pray and keep your focus on god and yourself
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Cindy, you will get through this! I was a chronic relapser for way too long. I thought I was doomed forever.
Finally I made my sobriety my number one priority in life. Over finance, romance and even family!
16 years of sobriety and grateful 
I’m here if you want to talk or have any questions.
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Yes, I’ve read it multiple times and will continue to read it. Thank you for your advice.
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Thank you for checking on me. It’s about the same. I didn’t drink or use. That something to be grateful for.
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I notice that you are familiar with Bill W. Have you completed the 12 steps? If not, steps4&5 will help you answer why you relapsed. During this time of major challenges, make sure you stay connected with your AA home group and your sponsor.
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The feeling of fear is the unknown and it is scary. I was terrified after spending 10 years in federal prison and coming out to a world that i didn’t know anymore. I had high anxiety and was worried about everything. Well everything did work out. Went back to school got a degree, got a job, and life was great until I decided to start going to the bar with industry friends. I started drinking and didn’t think anything about it because I never was into alcohol in my younger years. However, it caught me in me when i was older. I understand i have to work through my mess all over again because i underestimated the power of addiction. I am taking it one day at a time and working with my support i have. I love to screw up when i am doing so well- story of my life, but I am going to work hard to change this narrative
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Try to take it, but One Day at a Time. That's all in any of us can do. Remember, we're dealing with alcohol, cunning, baffling powerful. You don't have to think about being clean and sober the rest of your life. Just for today is the answer
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I wish I had answers for you. What I have learned on my own journey is that we all share the same experiences, thoughts and feelings no matter who we are or where we come from! That’s crazy! I also know that in spite of our weakness for alcohol or drugs, we are mighty. We find the way to overcome and regain our balance. I’m sending prayers that I know will be answered.
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I have completed them but my Sponsor wants me to start over. Thank you for reminding me about acceptance. I’m future tripping about everything. Finances, legal issues, what if this what if that and so on. I can’t fix it,I just need to trust that God
is in control. Not Cindy . I need to have hope in my higher power and AA. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Yup,that’s me too. Everything was going so good and then I relapsed. I spent 2 and a half years in prison.It’s been a few years ago. You’d think that would be enough to keep me sober and It wasn’t. It is so cunning and baffling. Like the guy banging the bar top wondering how he got there. He’d been sober for quite some time. I was wondering the same thing how could I have gotten here again! Thank you for your words of encouragement.
Great reminder! All I have is today. Thanks!
Thank you for praying for me and your words of encouragement. We are so much alike yet so different. We have the same commonality . We “get” each other no matter what. It is truly wild. Not to mention all the support I’m receiving just on Lucid alone. None of us have met yet we all know each other very well. 