I'm struggling with loneliness this week. My family loves me and supports me, so I don't feel totally alone... But I don't really know anyone out here.
I go to in person meetings as much as I can. I am a little shy.
What do you guys do to help yourselves when the loneliness creeps in?
Pick up the phone and call one of my sisters in sobriety. I absolutely HATE talking on the phone and I feel so socially awkward most of the time BUT I’ve just recently discovered that actually calling (not just texting) another sober sister in recovery does something miraculous! People in recovery expect phone calls from others in the program so the conversation is much easier than I had imagined. I do reach out every day by text to a couple support women but calling and saying “Hey this is Micah from AA. I’m new in recovery and I’m good but I’ve been struggling with loneliness…” The conversation will pick up from there (especially if you call someone w s few years of solid recovery) and you will be AMAZED at how miraculous a 10 minute call to another recovering person is…well, it amazes me lol 🫶🏼👣🪷
I strike up conversations with strangers or do a random act of kindness.
I hang out at as many meetings as possible and do platonic stuff with other AA's like the drive in etc
As others have said, meetings, phone calls, and I do some meditations that help me feel connected and help fill the seemingly never ending void of loneliness. It’s good that you are going to meetings. Have you worked the steps? Do you have a sponsor? If not I suggest you move forward with these suggestions as they do help. Also, try working on rewiring this thinking pattern that keeps telling you that you are shy. Try some positive affirmations. Sometimes you just gotta act your way out of these feelings. Pretend you’re not shy, or at least fake it till you make it. Maybe take on a service position (making coffee) that will force you to go early or stay after, and give you an opportunity to get to know others. You can do it
Think you have to figure out something that is really satisfying for you to do for yourself. Hobby, goal, entertainment, etc and do that. Hopefully it brings you in the presence of like minded people and inadvertently interrupts your boredom. If not, at least you get some joy/satisfaction out of your time spent. I can be shy too. Problem is us shy people sometimes turn to alcohol to loosen up. I’m trying to find my thing (nonalcoholic) thing to do also. Lol
How about us sober brothers?
What’s up Thomas. I live in Jersey. But work in NYC daily. Local 28. Saw your old post. If there are any events, meetings, etc I’m open to suggestions bro
I'm struggling with the same thing lately. I just can't seem to find my people
Same here. I meet good people when I’m sober. But a lot more sociable after a few. Not even sure how to work on that
The gym is a good social place for me.
Can I ask how that works? Calling… contacts?? I had a goal… I have one quite often… and then the day happens… stress takes over. One glass of wine turns into an entire bottle… sneakily consuming in the laundry room where the rest of the family believes it’s soulfully productivity happening… when
hours later… it’s secretly alippping away
Its normal. YEARS of nonsense diesnt just go away. I have over a year and it still creeps in. I personally focus on my kids and beach and my company when all else fails. Then when you stop lookin little miracles enter your life.
wellllll it’s recommended that women connect w women and men connect w men for sober support sooo…
I am here for you!!!
Keep going to the meetings Lisa and get phone numbers. It's a insidious dis-ease of isolation and you are not alone! Let people know you're new @ this and they'll be more than happy to exchange phone numbers. Remember, you are not alone!
Go to Universal!!!!
It’s rough. I think we all feel alone. Especially during changes and transformation as big as getting clean and letting go of all the people and things that kept us from that.
Definitely been there. Like your only escape without actually leaving. Then progresses to avoiding everyone so they can’t tell you we’re drinking. But they always figure it out somehow
There is a myriad of things that people do to help feelings of loneliness as evidenced in these posts. The absolute sure cure for me is getting outside of myself. You may not have the same opportunities that I do but generally something exists in every city. I go to the soup kitchen, assist older people in getting their meal tray to the table, sit down & talk to folks that are not only more lonely than I am but often feel unloved & rejected. I listen to them, allow them to be heard, let my time & attention to their needs fill a small spot in their lives letting them know someone does care about them & the struggles they face. Sometimes I bring music (the universal language) which seems to add a little cheer to the entire atmosphere. It is easier to dispel shyness & introversion in environments where the people are humbled, in need of any time you are willing to give them, and are more than grateful for your company. On your first trip you will come away with more joy & love than you were able to give. It becomes quite easy to make a healthy habit of serving others. The relationships you develop are symbiotic as many of the same people are there each day. In short order, I know them well, they are excited to see me on the days I can stop by for a little while, & I look forward to hearing about their updates. It is just not possible for me to feel lonely when I am sharing time with them.
I hope you are able to discover an outlet that becomes your permanent non-lonely place.