This whole thing is on the heels of many years of pain and suffering. Yet I was expected to handle all of it. One thing after another normal life stressors and some other not so normal back to back. I needed a break. I needed help. I needed a hand. Yes I am getting through it but being abandoned like I had left me so very isolated from the world.
Iām sorry you are going through such a hard time. And as well meaning as some people may be, just staying busy or find God isnāt any help to you. I get it. Loneliness is SO oppressive and I think itās common with so many of us in recovery. I feel the same way of much of what you described.
I sent you a friend request if you just need someone to talk to. I promise I wonāt tell you to get busy or find religionš.
Like I said , I went and am going through a very similar situation. Focus on whatās best for you and never be scared of being uncomfortable. Never wait for validation or an apology, because you may never get it. Heal for you.
I am doing what's best for me. This loss is just some of the explanation. I didnt lose these people becasue of what I did. Or because of alcohol. It wasnt my addiction that caused this. It was a person who caused much more then I'm posting about.
Please undertsand I am in therapy. I do what I can. I work. I have my hobbies. Being lonely isnt just going to go away with being sober and going to meetings. I'm VERY MUCH doing everything I can for myself. I also am on the heels of losing my home. Along with a broken down car. And a plethora of day to day survival. This just doesnt go away by working on myself
It sounds like you need to find a safe person to talk to about all of this, someone you can trust with everything.
With matters going one can not heal. With repercussions of what others have done are not going to be resolved by helaing myself right now that's a long in fact it will be a lifetime of healing. When I'm out of survival mode I can heal more but what happened will affect me for the rest of my life. While some days will be better than others but it will always have lasting affects that wont go away just because I work on myself.
Yes as stated I stay very BUSY. Currently it's actually rest i need. That and support. I stay very busy.
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Forgiveness, it does mean you have to allow them into you life. But forgiveness is how we heal the wrong doings of other. You can forgive someone, without ever having to talk to or see them again.
Point is the part I'm literally doing at the moment is reaching out for support and not advice. I have my life with many healing in place. However, with on the verge of losing my livelihood that stress and loneliness is even more highlighted and ever present. Again I have been in therapy for 4 years from multiple layers of trauma. And I am so grateful for that. I go to iop. I go to groups.. I work. I have hobbies.im tied to a 3 year old non stop so ther ris no me time. Jo money for sitters. And not family I can rely on to watch him. Heck I cant really even afford to leave the house jn the temporary car that is a gas guzzler. Which I can not even sell because I'd be without a car. I have to get over 4000 of work on my other car and thats is the cheapest route that wont leave me without a car. I am literally selling everything g I can. So when I say I'm husy and I'm working I'm spending everyday listing things to sell and taking pictures .
When not at work I take care of an entire acre of land. That is also my cheapest option for living. And because of someone I have mi cedit to move even if it was cheaper and no one to cosign. I am just getting back to work after taking a leave. A leave of absence that was awful because of my car breaking down and no way to do anything. I was in the house for 5 weeks not being able to work or go anywhere. This was also a burden becasue someone I loved turned out to be a very difficult person. So I'm also processing a breakup.
I also have a dog to care for. I am busy BUT very lonely and NO one to lean on.
I am exactly where you are, I feel you.
The financial situation also wanst my fault. That's also complicated to explain. I actually had money saved until I lost my job and I lost my job because I couldn't handle the amount of stress I was under. I got another job but the nees of more tragedy took hold and I cried at work for weeks because I really needed to work I couldn't take afford time off to work. Then I broke I competley broke from it all. I was also audited and still have no return back. And other things that were in place financially fell through. Then I had to deal with my drinking and trauma so I took a leave. And now I'm behind on everything and dont know how I will make October rent.
I would suggest reaching out to churches and job and family services
I'm doing this. And I have repeatedly but thats whole other thing. Someone miscalculated my income months ago and can not get past the screen. And oh yeah going in person eats up my gas and I have a three year old. I gave been on hold for HOURS trying to resolve this. I finally got a free phone but i already receive a benefit for internet so I might have to srop oen.
And doing all this with a 3 year old at my side I can not just completely ignore him trust me when I say I have tried diligently to make these calls. But without a car for 5 weeks I also have a gazillion errands to run. I'm insanely under pressure and currently I have worked myself into needing a break again. It's not easy to just ask for help. There are so many forms and phone calls. And its utterly draining.
Im sorry, but thatās all I can suggest.
And not to mention I have debilitating health issues. Also not alcohol related. They are a daily struggle. So yeha I'm literally doing eveything one person is able to with all the obstacles I am facing. This is why I am needing support and kindness it's a gd c-rap show. I have dealt with my health stuff for ages and that is another thing that keeps me busy trying to manage xthem.
I didnt ask for advice and this was stated I literally didnt wnat to explain all this. And instead of hearing my request for compassion and understanding I tried explaining just some of it. I never asked for advice. And repeatedly said I didnt want to explain it all. Why because it's so much. And it's as if a person cant just be like well that's a lot handle so we are here for you. Like dude! No advice needed. Its support and compassion and indedtssnfing that this is a lot for one human!