Missing my only child lost to accidentally overdose

Struggling Help
#1

I have so very much regret for how my disease affected my sons life and though I am extremely grateful to have been clean and sober for 4 years, when I lost Ryan in my arms to an accidental overdose of fentanyl I am still struggling with forgiving myself. Ryan was an alcoholic that made a bad choice when intoxicated but I lived most of my life with no real appreciation or respect for life so why him and not me ? How do I truly forgive myself so I don’t end up repeating the generational curse of my family and drink and drug again ?

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#2

All we can do is be the best of ourselves and shine to the world with goodness that sobriety gives us so when we leave here we can be reunited with those loved and lost. Firmly believe another reality is out there where family awaits provided being our best in this one gets us back together. Sadly, using substances in this day and age isn’t like it used to be generations ago. Now it’s out to kill quickly. Sorry for your loss. Keep this better version of you growing. Never give up.

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#3

Thank you and I agree as well as truly appreciate your time and you caring enough to respond. I think for me, it comes down to continuing to have faith and possibly rewriting my fourth step

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#5

I am so very grateful for my faith and actually facilitate a zoom meeting on Sun nights at 7 pm eastern on the Life Recovery Bible and the 12 Steps I truly believe the Lord makes provisions for us, and these are just some of the things I found myself doing just prior to losing my son. I truly believe God knew I would need them. Thanks again and have a great night.
Btw great analogy

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#6

:pray:t3::pray:t3: praying for you Katie

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#7

Thank you Luis.
That is the biggest and best thing you could do for me.

#8

Hello Katie: I am incredibly sorry for your loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I will pray for you as well. :pray:

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#9

Thank you :blush: I sincerely appreciate that. I went to church yesterday for the first time in awhile and my hope is in my faith for I truly believe with the help of Jesus Christ nothing is impossible

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#10

I'm sorry about the loss. Congratulations on your 4 years. Not that I believe his death is your fault but you could make a living amends to him. You're making a living amends to him by the way you live your life clean from this day forward.

We all have choices to make and all choices come with consequences.

It sounds to me like you need to get out of your own head and stay in the solution. Have you ever thought about doing some volunteering? You can volunteer at treatment centers.

There's nothing that you can do to change what has happened. Life is a crapshoot.
Most of us, If they drank anything like me and behaved the way I did, don't deserve to be here. But the fact is, we are here.

What happened to your son can be a powerful experience in your story that can be used to help others too. God has forgiven you for whatever part you think you may have had in his death. Now it's time for you to forgive yourself.

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#11

In addition to what I said earlier Katie, your disease is telling you that if you pick up a drink or drug this time everything will be OK. But it never is, is it? It's called believing the big lie. Don't believe the big lie. You worked very hard to get your 4 years.

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#12

Love, love, love this share and can’t thank you enough. I believe everything you shared to be true but needed the reminder especially about volunteering which could be exactly how to turn my pain to purpose.
You’re also mentioned and had it right about the fact I need to stop listening to my disease.
Thank you so very very much again Dave for sharing.
God bless.

#13

Praying for you and your family Katie.

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#14

Thank you so much Jeremy. I would really appreciate that. It is by far the best thing you can do for us.

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#15

I’ve added you as a friend on this app. Please feel free to reach out if needed. Have a blessed day.

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#16

My heart goes out to you. Prayers to you.

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#17

Thank you so very much. I appreciate it.

#18

Something I wanted to tell you. I had almost 9 years of sobriety and I relaposed Because I believe the big lie that I was telling you about.

It cost me 3 years of oblivion.
I'm coming up on 9 years all over again.
I've seen in your profile how you had relapsed after 4 years.

Alcohol Lets us down every time!

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#20

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Sending love :heart:

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#22

I’m so sorry

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#23

I am so sorry about the loss of your son… :pray:t5:

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