My dad passed away in December. He was sober for

Recovery
#1

My dad passed away in December. He was sober for 25 years, until he started drinking again in his 70’s. It was okay at first and then it wasn’t. He lost himself during the pandemic, when his drinking got so bad.

My mom sent me his AA chips and books. It’s strange to see the notes and scribbles in the margins. The demons he was fighting and never quite conquered. By the time I got sober, four years ago, he was too far gone. He didn’t want to be told what to do. He loved drinking too much. About 6 months into my sobriety he told me how proud he was of me, and how he hoped he could find a way I could be proud of him.

This is my first experience with sober grief, and while it’s been hard, it’s also allowed me to be in this raw and vulnerable space of acceptance of my dad and who he was, demons and all :purple_heart:

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#2

Thanks Krysty for your words. I guess that proves that we are always going to be alcoholics. However, our worlds are better to be an alcoholic in recovery. ❤️‍🩹

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#3

Wow Krysty, thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry for your loss.

It’s so moving and inspiring that you’re going through grief sober.

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#4

Thanks for sharing. It's helpful to know others are going through something similar.

We just put my stepdad in hospice and he struggled with alcohol all his life. I hear you on how it's harder when you're sober to accept all someone else's demons and confront all your own memories of someone else - especially when you're dealing with all these feelings about sobriety itself.

Good luck and stay strong!

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#5

This made me cry. I went back to drinking after 27 years of being dry. This disease almost took me out too. I found my old A.A. book from 1989 when I fist got sober at 24 years old. The scribbled notes in the margins lol. Wow. You are blessed to be sober Krysty! Your father was blessed to have the sober years he had. Whether we have one day or 10 years, it’s really is just ODAAT :pray::peace_symbol:❤‍🩹

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#6

Thanks for sharing Krysty. 25 years was a great accomplishment so at least he had all that time dry.

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#7

Alcohol is scary. It’s patient. Almost like a dormant volcano. Waiting to strike.

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#8

In your share I see the key be proud of your father for what he was good for. Find reasons to be proud of him and you will feel better about it. I know it's hard I lost my mom it was really really really really hard but she's gone now and that's okay

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#9

I pray 4u

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#10

Yeah - sobriety was really hard for my dad. He white knuckled it for so long. I have so much joy in my sobriety and I always wish he had found that. And, yes better to be in recovery :purple_heart:

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#11

Absolutely! Congratulations on finding your way back :raised_hands:t2:

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#12

Sorry to hear about your stepdad. It’s hard to reconcile the man I knew with the stuff he was going through. He was sober through a good chunk of my life and I am grateful for that. It was just hard to watch him head back into the abyss.

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#13

Yup - trying to separate all the parts. He was a good dad and I know he loved me and was proud of me, so I do have that.

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#14

Thats sober thinking... but even open up more. Pray for more openness... I know when I got sober my parents had to be very open to allow me to come and live in their house at the age of 37 and get better wow I haven't said that to myself in a long time they did a lot for me man

#15

Some of those chips are cool

#16

My darling what a legacy of recovery. I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for finding the courage to share.

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#17

My dad is slowly dying. He isn’t one of “us”. But he hates the disease. I just want to be sober when he goes…I love him and I want to take care of him, it’s just very difficult.

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#18

Thank you.

#19

Thank you for being so strong! You give me so much hope!

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#20

I'm sorry about your father Krysty. Sometimes people go back out, some after many years of sobriety. Some make it back and sadly, some dont. I've known several people that went out and never made it back. I went back out after almost 9 yrs of sobriety. It cost me 3 years of oblivion. I came crawling back and now I'm coming up on 9 years.

I never knew your father personally so I have no clue in the world what kind of a program he was working. I don't know whether he had a sponsor or whether he took the 12 steps or not.

I only know that the program of AA is a program that works but you have to want it. We will always be alcoholics yes, but recovery is possible and the main purpose of the program.

Here is the preface to the 1st edition of the book of AA.

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are thousands of men and women who have "RECOVERED" from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book.

What you can do is learn from what happened to your father. People go back out because they believe the big lie; That this time, everything will be OK. But it never is, is it?

And no matter what happens in our lives it's never bad enough to pick up the 1st drink.