I’m a recovering alcoholic with alittle over a year of sobriety. Still having food and bad days as expected but the problem is now my girlfriend. She’s struggling hard. It hasn’t always been this way and I knew the risk going into the relationship. Now it’s worse than it’s ever been. The delusion, manipulation, lying, destruction is beyond what I can handle anymore. She doesn’t remember any of it. We’re on a lease together. She’s jeapordizing that, our relationship, her health, any kind of future she fantasizes about. She won’t get any help. She won’t go to treatment. She won’t go to meeting. Nothing. She’s not willing to do anything. She keeps trying on her own. Maybe goes two weeks and back to it again. Worse and worse. She’s ruining herself. Doing things that are beyond hurtful. She’s not even her. I’m at the point where I know in my heart I need to leave the situation but my other side feels like I would be giving up on her. But how much can a man take ? The disrespect and selfishness is not something I should put up with much longer. She’s full of excuses and does nothing. Complains about her life while she just stands still doing nothing about it then somehow spinning it into making it seem like it’s my fault. You guys probably can relate. What do I do at this point?
If you can, get the fück out. Be accessible, to an extent, but get out. You have to protect your sobriety. There is nothing you can do for some people. Your boundaries are very important, and the situation is sad, but you can't help someone who's not ready. We all know this from our own experiences. It would be one thing if she was ready, a women's 12 step call might help. But she clearly isn't. GTFO.
Hey. Seems like you really love her. And that’s awesome. Also seems like she knows that too. And has also marked you as her exploit “for lack of a better term “ and knows you’re not going anywhere. Knows you might try, but always has a simple “something “ that will make you reconsider. No expert on relationships. But sure you need to realize you can’t change anyone else. But have some control over your own life/destiny. Maybe have to push the situation even if it’s a bluff in the meantime. Tell her how you feel. Tell her you’re gonna leave if it persists. Even if your leaving is not immediately. Observe the reaction. Though you leaving may not be immediate, don’t have to express that
That’s a tough one but your sobriety should come first and that includes your mentally health. How about couples counseling?
Sounds like you already know the answer homie. Put your own oxygen mask on first. Can’t save anyone if you’re dead.
I am grateful for food
People, places and things…..not easy totally get that, BUT YOUR sobriety must be the most important thing in your life!!!
The next right thing for me to stay sober, sane and have self respect is usually the hard thing to do. I make choices based on… my higher power (guidance), looking at what my choices got me in the past and who I want to be in 5 years. Do I want to be stuck doing this in 5 years????? Why the heck am I doing it now! It’s ok, better than OK to want an AMAZING life! Get it! Happy, joyous and free!!! She can pick her own choices as well.
If you truly love her and know her potential then continue to work on yourself. Show her how you recovered by your actions. Words mean nothing. I was on the opposite side from where you are now. My ex turned very evil and wanted me dead. You know what this illness does to people. Stay kind and loving. Love and tolerance of others is our code. Continue to take personal inventory. Keep praying for her to heal. Ask God to show you the next right step. Relationships are tough in sobriety. It’s between you and God. I’ll pray for you Brother!
Hey. So sorry. This is a tough situation to be in. I would suggest getting her to an emergency room or if she really gets violent call 911 and they can hopefully get her into a detox. Sounds like she is physically addicted and that she really will need to be medically detoxed. A hospital could do that plus put her on a drinking medication. Doesn’t sound like you want to leave and you love her but she will get you to relapse before you get her to stop. Maybe try and tell her you will leave if she doesn’t go. Man this is a tough one and may call for tough love. I will pray that you can get her into a hospital the sooner the better. Let her watch some horror videos that shows what it is doing to her life. Wow. So glad not there anymore. Prayers my friend. You need to stay strong and your sobriety comes first no matter what. 
I’m a woman but I can tell you that you need to get out and move on.. you can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves.. no matter what the situation is..
Hmmm….your description of her sounds a bit like me when I was full blown into my active disease. It clearly doesn’t sound like she is ready for help or ready yo stop. You need to take care of yourself and your own sobriety.
I’ve threatened so many times that I’m gonna leave or I will have her leave and I never do. When I tell her to leave she thinks it’s a bluff or doesn’t remember it happening when she sobers up. It’s like a fifty first dates thing with her.
Appreciate all this feed back guys. It’s just tough. She literally ask as if my threats are never said. It’s like she thinks she’s invincible. But at the same time, I can’t just put her on the street. SMH
Well maybe you should leave for even just a few days. I wish she could have seen how I watched my brother die from zero liver left the color of a lemon, and my dear friend that was found dead in his car. He bled out from every part of his body. Alcoholism is so miserable because a lot of people really want to stop but are afraid to stop because of withdrawing, which is brutal. That’s why I went to a detox. I cried every night that I wanted to stop my family didn’t know I relapsed. I got to the point I didn’t want to live but didn’t want to die. I was so relieved when the empty bottles were found because I knew my pain would soon end. 9 days of detox and put on detox medication and also a craving medication. Now will have 33 months July 3rd. I received the best care ever and ended up with a full recovery team. I really pray you can find someone to talk to about this. Sobriety has been amazing but the 1st step is so hard to do good luck my friend. Please feel free to private message if you want. I pray she realizes what she is doing to herself. My friend is 40 years old stage 4 cirrhosis and on transplant list. She needs to understand this. Sorry I am so passionate about people in recovery and I hate to hear of This suffering.
Wow I admire everything you’ve been through to get where you are now. Thank you for your feedback. The only thing is, if I were to leave she would probably drink herself to death. Me being here is why she is still alive. She’s the type that wanders into the streets at night and will sleep in parks. It’s bad
I’ve stayed up nights wondering where she is. This past Wednesday. She left and didn’t come home till the next day. Turns out she was on a bench at the train station all night with homeless people. I feel like a hospital might need to be forced on her.
I’ve been in this spot and I know it’s tough but you gotta take the advice you would give to a close friend in the same situation and you know what that would be. It’s hard when you’re so emotionally invested, but in the long run it’s only gonna get worse the longer you hang on (in my experience). Good luck man.
I think you should ask your police department for help. She needs a hospital ASAP l because she is headed for death. So she does that and you welcome her back? May I ask how long you have sober? You need to do a drastic move soon. Why are you putting yourself through this. Sorry but it’s tough love time.
Put your own mask on first my friend.