Need help with sponsor issue

Struggling Help
#1

I adore my sponsor. She's amazing.

BUT, we're going through the steps so slowly. Each step is taking more than a month. I'm on step 2 and have been working with her for around 3 months. I really feel like I need these steps under me. I'm afraid I'm at greater risk of relapse because I'm not getting the steps done.

I don't want to lose her friendship or support. A large part of me says just surrender to this process. Isn't that a huge part of this program?

Another factor that exacerbates the problem is that I'm in a tiny town with few sponsors to choose from.

I don't know what to do.

4 Likes
#2

Tell her. Not telling her is doing you no favors and is basically people pleasing. So just tell her.

2 Likes
#3

She already expressed that she wants to take at least a month on every step. Do you think that's reasonable? I don't have enough experience with this stuff to be sure.

#4

The steps are not a race. It's more important to be thorough and understand everything than it is to be quick. If you trust your sponsor than trust her process

1 Like
#5

How about starting a thread about the step you are on here, and we can discuss it?

#6

All very good advice from these folks

#7

Well I'm on step 2. I feel solid in it. I'm not sure how that would help?? Are you suggesting I use this app as my sponsor?

#8

My understanding is that back in the day they used to get through the steps as quickly as possible to assist people in not relapsing. Then, one could start over and do the steps again, as many times as need be. Also, my experience is that in inpatient rehab they go through all of the steps within the month. The highest rates of long term sobriety come out of rehab, so maybe there is something to getting through them...

#9

Not necessarily; I have chosen a mixed path, a little out of the box although I am grateful for AA and CR. I guess I was just thinking that our journeys are our own; we don't have to wait on someone else to work on a step. I'd be interested in step discussion in general as well.

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#10

Cool. I'll admit, I'm not sure how to start that discussion, but if you start a discussion on steps, I would participate.

#11

Well, people sponsor differently, so the line where reasonable is can be hard to see. Are you actually doing stuff in each month on those steps? What does your stepwork look like?

#12

Taylor is coming through with solid advice. I love it. Thanks, @taylor184341

2 Likes
#13

If your sponsor isn’t working for you, then get another sponsor.
Here’s an idea, you can have more than 1.
I did and it was great!

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#14

Step 1, i took an inventory of all the ways that i couldnt control my drinking and how my life was unmanageable. Step 2, I am currently writing down ways in which my higher power is working in my life when I notice them happening. They've been great exercises. I just dont need over a month for each. Also, weve gotten about halfway through readung ch. 1 in the big book in almost 3 months.

Anywho, I'm pretty well convinced that if my sponsor isn't willing to move me through these steps, I'm going to move forward without her. It's not my ideal situations, but keeping my sobriety is number one for me right now.

Btw,

#15

BTW, I truly appreciate your willingness to engage and offer your helpful opinion. It's meant a lot to me. I really do believe the adage that the opposite of addiction is connection. I'm thankful for those people who are willing to connect in a meaningful way. Thanks!

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#16

My first sponsor did the same thing. It worked out just fine. He was a wonderful person and we stayed great friends until the day he passed away. I still miss him in fact. We alcoholics tend to be impatient. We wasted years drinking and now we’re in a hurry to get better :grin:.
Do what you think you need to do just as long as you stay sober one day at a time. :grin:

#17

So only sharing my experience in the steps and as a hypnotherapist and understanding of our brain, the repetition and staying on one step longer will serve you that nuro pathway will be stronger than someone who rushes. It maybe annoying but it does have its benefits. You’re building a new you! It actually can not be rushed, with our firm foundations layed and integrated relaspe will be easier. Trust the process

#18

My pleasure. I want nothing more than to see us all succeed, live and be happy.

It's interesting to note that the first 100 AA's didn't fück around when.it came to the steps. They got through them in days! They felt it was absolutely necessary. And the beauty is you can revisit them daily.

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#19

Yeah I heard that too. The first time was usually quick, second time you could take more time for each step

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#20

I've heard this history too and 100% agree.

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